Venting Tried to die yesterday, again.

[spark]

Yesterday i attempted partial hanging, but i couldn't actually go through with it.
My SI got the best of me and i was panicking. I'm feeling like shit today. I was looking forward to go to the hardware store and buy a better rope to try again,
but i didn't realize that today's a sunday and tomorrow is a holiday too.
I am considering to jump from a nearby overpass, but i'm not sure it's high enough.. it could be, should i jump in a diving position o/

It feels like I've completely lost touch with everyone/-thing that was dear to me,
all my friends seem to be thriving while i am still stuck here, basically homeless, chronically sick without treatment (i have me/cfs, muscular dystrophy and severe nerve damage from police violence and i do not receive any medical care currently)
And on top of all the struggles i am also out of booze and weed/tobacco.
I just feel miserable. Very desperate to die right now.
Sorry for this incomprehensible vent, it might be only a tiny fraction of what's going on but it helped at least somewhat to just write it down.
I hope i won't be here for long anymore.
yeah, it definitely feels like people are starting to cut ties with me as they realize i am out of options and will die soon.
Noone reaching out to ask if they can help or how we are doing. Noone we feel we could reach out to.
This loneliness feels cruel.

 

[Angel999]

Similarly, im a in a situation with no outs and i'm tired, exhausted. Addiction, illness, debts, family, everything is killing me. People CTB over 1 out of 100 problems I have all the time. There is no help in this world, so i hope we can be courageous and abandon this hell.

 

[spark]

I'm sorry your situation is so rough, too...
> There is no help in this world
I honestly think there is. It's hard to see, and it's very fucking hard to reach out but solidarity is our biggest weapon...

But similarly, i feel like i don't really see a way to an existence that'd be less miserable either..

I'm sorry </3

 

[darksouls]

I am so sorry you have to go through all this
hope everything goes well for you
and you find relief from suffering

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to be free from all the suffering, it's so dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I hope you find peace.

 

[Alexandra_]

I am also very sorry that you are suffering so much. I wish you all the best with all my heart. Let everything be as you want it to be. Each of us has the right to choose