Venting Tried to ctb yesterday (method discussed)

[bunnii]

This is my first post here so sorry if anything is weird or wrong. I just need somewhere to vent.
For the past few weeks, my urge to ctb has been growing and growing. It's especially hard to fight when my bf is at work and I'm left home alone. I usually cope with sh and weed, but even that isn't helping, especially since I feel like my sh isn't deep enough. Yesterday, before I joined this forum, I tried hanging myself from my bedroom door. I chickened out at the last second and put the rope away. I feel like such a coward. Does anyone else struggle with this? I feel so ready to leave but doing the act itself takes more guts than I have.

 

[jodes2]

I'm sorry you're struggling

 

[FuneralCry]

You shouldn't feel cowardly for struggling to die, suicide is something that really is so unnecessarily difficult after all at least to me. I believe that if I had a method as peaceful as N I would be long gone at this point but sadly I don't and the more easily accessible methods scare me and just sound horrible. I've never wished to be here but the difficulties involved in suicide and the fear of failing an attempt is what keeps me trapped here in this world and we really shouldn't have to struggle so much in finding ways to die.

I believe that with hanging it makes it sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear of all these people managing to overcome their survival instinct and succeeding. I envy their courage a lot. But of course I understand that it really can be so dreadful and tiring when you just wish to be gone but yet you feel unable to.
I wish you the best.

 

[alivefornow]

I tried hanging twice last week. Tied the necktie to my neck, tied the other end to a hook on the wall and kneeled. As my arms and legs started to go cold and weak, I chickened out, as you put it, and stood up.

This method is extremely painful until you pass out. In addition, if you mess things up or someone finds you, you could end up with brain damage due to lack of blood circulation. To put it in simpler terms, instead of killing yourself, you end up killing a part of your brain. It could even render you unable to attempt again.

Therefore, I would recommend you don't rush things out of desperation and find a method that's safe, reliable and painless. I know it's difficult when it feels like the time to go is now, but please consider this. My best wishes to you, that you may find peace in whichever path you choose.

 

[bunnii]

You shouldn't feel cowardly for struggling to die, suicide is something that really is so unnecessarily difficult after all at least to me. I believe that if I had a method as peaceful as N I would be long gone at this point but sadly I don't and the more easily accessible methods scare me and just sound horrible. I've never wished to be here but the difficulties involved in suicide and the fear of failing an attempt is what keeps me trapped here in this world and we really shouldn't have to struggle so much in finding ways to die.

I believe that with hanging it makes it sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear of all these people managing to overcome their survival instinct and succeeding. I envy their courage a lot. But of course I understand that it really can be so dreadful and tiring when you just wish to be gone but yet you feel unable to.
I wish you the best.

Yeah, I totally agree with you that suicide is unnecessarily difficult. It's the only thing keeping me here really. And about the hanging part- you're totally right. It seems like a good reliable method because of the stereotype that suicidal people hang themselves, but when you're in the moment it feels like your head is exploding. Thank you for your well wishes, I wish you all the best too.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I don't think you have to feel like a coward, just because you at least tried it and then it didn't work. The moment you "chickened out" probably wasn't even voluntary because it was probably just the SI kicking in. I'm sorry you're struggling so much and I hope things get better for you whether you're alive or not. Good luck.

 

[missingpeace]

This is my first post here so sorry if anything is weird or wrong. I just need somewhere to vent.
For the past few weeks, my urge to ctb has been growing and growing. It's especially hard to fight when my bf is at work and I'm left home alone. I usually cope with sh and weed, but even that isn't helping, especially since I feel like my sh isn't deep enough. Yesterday, before I joined this forum, I tried hanging myself from my bedroom door. I chickened out at the last second and put the rope away. I feel like such a coward. Does anyone else struggle with this? I feel so ready to leave but doing the act itself takes more guts than I have.

Yes, I'm right there with you, I also tried with hanging myself from my bedroom door and stopped when it physically hurt. I practiced a few times with partial, almost fainted but stopped myself, just don't know how I will maintain my position in partial, I guess I will keep trying till I succeed. I'm growing impatient and I don't know if i can keep waiting for the whole regime of SN.

 

[The Howling Void]

Hey you tried to do it. I'm so scared Of death and suffering I can't even do that.