Venting tried partial hanging just now

[nolifezzz]

yooo this is a live thread kinda, ive finally tried partial hanging for the first time, as i couldnt push it off/escape from it/proscatinate on it no longer because my mothers debt collectors goons(?) came in this morning and took our stuff away lol i was still sleeping and was so shocked to see my closet gone ans that theres lot of unknown men making lot of noises in our house lol, and i dont know shit about anything at all too, thats just how my mother is everytime i ask her about this stuff everytime i suspect something she immediately told me off raise her voice get angry and told me its adults business as if im not twenty fucking two years old and shes like this with my older sisters too. so anyway yeah i ran out of time basically and after that whole fiasco in the morning blew off my sister tried to get an explanation from her for good this time and boom what i thought was just intimidation tactic to get my mother to pay up i, well, we found out about the entire thing and turns out this house our land (like a huge yard beside it) was no longer in my mothers name since 2022. guess the person my mother was indebted to finally got tired of it and decide to do this. my mothers debt to them was approx. 1 miliar rupiah+ (not 1 'juta') or basically $100.000 US dollars i think and yeah. no way she or we can pay up that much money. its basically impossible money for us even if we worked our entire lifes, during my mother & fathers prime years it might be possible, but theyre both in their sixties now and my fathers has been suffering paralyzation from stroke for years now and my mothers career (marriage lawyer) has long been...i dont know bankrupt? more losses than income? cause my mom cant manage her economy well and everytime us her children tried to talk with her about this discuss this calmly she'd immediately told us off and said its none of our business. but yeah and thats why she used our house & land certificate to borrow money from the person. and ironically? that money was used to buy that exact land beside this house! its like a huge yard or something i dont know why my mom's so eager to buy it in cash i guess because its right beside out house and she wanted it to be ours & make it our yard. so it was for that, and little bit more for other uses including daily necesseties and to pay for her clients cases. so yeah ive been sensing this impending sense of doom for a long a while now about our family economy & wellbeing, ive imagined something like this happening countless times in my paranoia & overthinking houra but damn if im not still somewhat shocked. yeah. ran out of time. tried partial. and i got it right the few tries in i think? my vision immediately got blurry and as its my first time and im still unsure i truly want to end it all i got up but i feel really happy about it. that i can make it work. that i can finally feel it. so now the rope's still hanging and im in my bedroom with my cat, hes playing with the rope now lol and writing all this. still not sure whether i should really go through with it or not. maybe ill try it again after this. if i dont do this i, our family will have to move out to our grandparents house, i guess its not all that bad but i just. cant. its too depressing
all our stuff being brought outside in our huge yard that i was talking about
i dont even care anymore if i doxxed myself through these pictures lol anyway mann how do i uploas clip on this site i wanna share a video of my cat that i recordes just now playing with the rope lol
dumbass cat making me have second thoughts lol
well anyways thats it goodbye i know its more of a 'who asked?' life story of mine than indepth talking about the partial hanging itself but i just wanted to vent somewhere about this sensitive stuff and this site seems like the right place
huh the cat pic didnt upload for some reason, well to be honest i dont even really know how this site works so my apologies

 

[JenX]

Your cat is gorgeous….You've literally got your whole life in front if you and you have a home to go to. You will not be homeless. I should hope you're having second thoughts! So many wonderful things coming your way in the future. This will be a distant memory in 10 years. And you'll be so grateful. I'm sorry that you're going through such a rough time, but this too shall pass. Just had to say something. Best to you & your family ((& ur cat).