Story Trauma from being involuntarily hospitalized

[Malaria]

I've been involuntarily hospitalized twice, the first time for a suicide attempt. The second time was because I was merely having suicidal thoughts at all, I told a medical professional that all I wanted was to talk to someone and have someone comfort me, but instead they called 911 and shoved me in a psych ward yet again. For both times, I had to be stuck in there for a full week.

Both times were absolute torture for me, genuinely. I felt like I was in a prison. The beds were uncomfortable, the food was meh, it was sooooooooo boring, and some of the people around me were genuinely dangerous and violent people. It made me so scared, and I just wanted to be home more than anything else. Granted, some people there were very nice, and I got along with them very well and we were able to comfort each other, but overall it was an awful experience. I was forced to take medications that had a terrible effect on me, I'm not sure why exactly, but any time I would take these medications, my toes would curl involuntarily and I would shake horribly.

A minute there felt like an hour. I had no idea time would ever feel like it was moving so slow, but that's what I remember. And like I mentioned before, the boredom was insufferable. The only thing I could really do all day was pace back and forth, I couldn't even watch TV with the rest of the patients because I just couldn't relax. I tried breathing exercises, and all sorts of things to relax, but the anxiety wouldn't go away. And I remember also the gowns they forced me to wear were incredibly uncomfortable, and all I could wear were the infamous "hospital socks". Now, I don't know about any of you, but for me, having to wear nothing but hospital socks while walking on a cold hard floor was just agony. By the end of the week, my legs were incredibly sore and would not stop hurting. My roommates were nice, but unfortunately they snored. Also periodically while I was asleep the staff would put a flashlight in my face just to make sure I wasn't dead or something. And I'm the type of person who can't sleep unless there's complete silence and darkness. But even when I did manage to sleep at least a little, unfortunately I kept having PTSD induced nightmares from experiences I've had when I was younger.

The staff could be nice, but some of them were really mean. They treated us patients like we were burdens and annoyances to them. How weird is that, they're the ones who are keeping us involuntarily locked in against our will, yet we're the burdens to them. One staff member even complained that she had to "clean up" after a patient was getting sick and having accidents. Are you kidding me? You're seriously complaining out loud, yelling, and threatening to quit because you have to do your job, which includes cleaning up when an elderly patient isn't feeling well and has accidents? Am I in the twilight zone or something? Plus, some of them would get really annoyed with me too, either because I couldn't sleep due to anxiety from being there, or just because I was tired of being kept there against my will for a full week.

But the worst, and I mean absolute worst part about being in the psych ward was the sexual harassment. I wish I was joking, but yes, I was indeed sexually harassed by other patients there. I've had about three men there either outright telling me they wanted to have sex with me, trying to persuade me into having sex with them, catcalling me... one of them even tried to take my clothes off... I couldn't believe what was happening, I am being sent there and kept in this horrible place against my will because I wanted to die and put an end to my suffering, and now when I'm having one of the worst experiences of my life, I also have to deal with people being weird perverts towards me. Keep in mind, I am a survivor of SA, so dealing with all this was extremely triggering for me. I really wish I was making this up, but I'm not. And the staff hardly was even doing anything about it.

I just wanted to get all of this out... this was genuinely an awful experience for me, and I would rather die than go back to the psych ward ever again. I felt like I was genuinely in a prison. Every time I'm even in a hospital, for reasons that have nothing to do with mental health crisis, I start crying uncontrollably. To this day, I have flashbacks and nightmares about being there. This is also why I have a hard time being honest with professional psychologists and the like, because I'm afraid I'll accidentally reveal too much about my suicidal ideation and I'll be sent back there again against my will.

 

[anagram]

I've had a pretty similar experience in being hospitalised twice though but the sexual harassment is outta pocket. Honest opinion it sounds like being a woman is harder these days considering dealing with pervs

The lesson I learned was to never express my pain to anyone else. And I'm sure as hell I'm gonna stick to that irl and (mostly) online
Anything that deviates from the norm shouldn't be expressed or shown to normies ever. Had to learn that the hard way.

 

[findmybridgesocal]

I've been involuntarily hospitalized twice, the first time for a suicide attempt. The second time was because I was merely having suicidal thoughts at all, I told a medical professional that all I wanted was to talk to someone and have someone comfort me, but instead they called 911 and shoved me in a psych ward yet again. For both times, I had to be stuck in there for a full week.

Both times were absolute torture for me, genuinely. I felt like I was in a prison. The beds were uncomfortable, the food was meh, it was sooooooooo boring, and some of the people around me were genuinely dangerous and violent people. It made me so scared, and I just wanted to be home more than anything else. Granted, some people there were very nice, and I got along with them very well and we were able to comfort each other, but overall it was an awful experience. I was forced to take medications that had a terrible effect on me, I'm not sure why exactly, but any time I would take these medications, my toes would curl involuntarily and I would shake horribly.

A minute there felt like an hour. I had no idea time would ever feel like it was moving so slow, but that's what I remember. And like I mentioned before, the boredom was insufferable. The only thing I could really do all day was pace back and forth, I couldn't even watch TV with the rest of the patients because I just couldn't relax. I tried breathing exercises, and all sorts of things to relax, but the anxiety wouldn't go away. And I remember also the gowns they forced me to wear were incredibly uncomfortable, and all I could wear were the infamous "hospital socks". Now, I don't know about any of you, but for me, having to wear nothing but hospital socks while walking on a cold hard floor was just agony. By the end of the week, my legs were incredibly sore and would not stop hurting. My roommates were nice, but unfortunately they snored. Also periodically while I was asleep the staff would put a flashlight in my face just to make sure I wasn't dead or something. And I'm the type of person who can't sleep unless there's complete silence and darkness. But even when I did manage to sleep at least a little, unfortunately I kept having PTSD induced nightmares from experiences I've had when I was younger.

The staff could be nice, but some of them were really mean. They treated us patients like we were burdens and annoyances to them. How weird is that, they're the ones who are keeping us involuntarily locked in against our will, yet we're the burdens to them. One staff member even complained that she had to "clean up" after a patient was getting sick and having accidents. Are you kidding me? You're seriously complaining out loud, yelling, and threatening to quit because you have to do your job, which includes cleaning up when an elderly patient isn't feeling well and has accidents? Am I in the twilight zone or something? Plus, some of them would get really annoyed with me too, either because I couldn't sleep due to anxiety from being there, or just because I was tired of being kept there against my will for a full week.

But the worst, and I mean absolute worst part about being in the psych ward was the sexual harassment. I wish I was joking, but yes, I was indeed sexually harassed by other patients there. I've had about three men there either outright telling me they wanted to have sex with me, trying to persuade me into having sex with them, catcalling me... one of them even tried to take my clothes off... I couldn't believe what was happening, I am being sent there and kept in this horrible place against my will because I wanted to die and put an end to my suffering, and now when I'm having one of the worst experiences of my life, I also have to deal with people being weird perverts towards me. Keep in mind, I am a survivor of SA, so dealing with all this was extremely triggering for me. I really wish I was making this up, but I'm not. And the staff hardly was even doing anything about it.

I just wanted to get all of this out... this was genuinely an awful experience for me, and I would rather die than go back to the psych ward ever again. I felt like I was genuinely in a prison. Every time I'm even in a hospital, for reasons that have nothing to do with mental health crisis, I start crying uncontrollably. To this day, I have flashbacks and nightmares about being there. This is also why I have a hard time being honest with professional psychologists and the like, because I'm afraid I'll accidentally reveal too much about my suicidal ideation and I'll be sent back there again against my will.

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering.

It is indeed perverse that by telling a health care professional your honest thoughts you got severely punished.

 

[UKscotty]

Sorry but I don't get why people attack medical staff so much. They are usually just trying to help and there is little they can do.

Here in the UK, our government has cancelled most suicide prevention services and stripped the health service to the bone.

People telling doctors they are going to kill themselves and then attacking the doctors for trying to help just doesn't sit right with me. I have had some great ones try their best to help me.

If people want to avoid being locked up, they need to learn to keep quiet and not keep telling their plans.

When someone wants help and doesn't want to really CTB they need to accept the help or again just be quiet.

 

[Malaria]

Sorry but I don't get why people attack medical staff so much. They are usually just trying to help and there is little they can do.

Here in the UK, our government has cancelled most suicide prevention services and stripped the health service to the bone.

People telling doctors they are going to kill themselves and then attacking the doctors for trying to help just doesn't sit right with me. I have had some great ones try their best to help me.

If people want to avoid being locked up, they need to learn to keep quiet and not keep telling their plans.

When someone wants help and doesn't want to really CTB they need to accept the help or again just be quiet.

To clarify, my specific issue is that the doctors I dealt with were neglecting patients.

When I was being sexually harassed, they didn't do much to intervene until it was too late. When a patient was having an accident, they complained about having to clean up after them. And they would generally treat us like we're burdens. That's my problem, that they were doing a very bad job.

One other thing I want to clarify is that where I live in the United States, my state has a record high of one of the worst mental health care in the entire country.

There actually was an incident where a bunch of patients at a mental health care facility were all shoved into a bus and driven far away into another state, not caring at all whether or not those patients were suffering from severe schizophrenia, or if they were going to go homeless. I am not exaggerating when I say the treatment is bad.

 

[R_N]

This is the 2nd time today I encountered your posts. First time I felt bad but this time it also hit close to home because I was damaged by psychiatry myself.

But regardless of my experience what you described right there is just...

You went through all of that and this is totally acceptable by society. Can someone tell me, why do we live in such a world where one can be taken without their will and tortured in such places?

What are we doing... I know we treat animals bad but we treat fellow humans exactly the same if not worse.

 

[Adûnâi]

Sounds like Azkaban. I'm surprised you didn't kill yourself the moment you got out? I barely ever read stories at all, but this is the kind that would make me think twice about being imprisoned. Especially when it's just for someone's wicked amusement instead of for some venerable ideal.

And I'm sorry if I inquire, but is this America / the Western world? I could imagine something like this in China.

One other thing I want to clarify is that where I live in the United States, my state has a record high of one of the worst mental health care in the entire country.

Edit. Ah, interesting. I heard that the West abolished orphanages and has been doing away with the mental asylums, too, but I'm really clueless.

 

[SilentSadness]

I've been involuntarily hospitalized twice, the first time for a suicide attempt. The second time was because I was merely having suicidal thoughts at all, I told a medical professional that all I wanted was to talk to someone and have someone comfort me, but instead they called 911 and shoved me in a psych ward yet again. For both times, I had to be stuck in there for a full week.

Both times were absolute torture for me, genuinely. I felt like I was in a prison. The beds were uncomfortable, the food was meh, it was sooooooooo boring, and some of the people around me were genuinely dangerous and violent people. It made me so scared, and I just wanted to be home more than anything else. Granted, some people there were very nice, and I got along with them very well and we were able to comfort each other, but overall it was an awful experience. I was forced to take medications that had a terrible effect on me, I'm not sure why exactly, but any time I would take these medications, my toes would curl involuntarily and I would shake horribly.

A minute there felt like an hour. I had no idea time would ever feel like it was moving so slow, but that's what I remember. And like I mentioned before, the boredom was insufferable. The only thing I could really do all day was pace back and forth, I couldn't even watch TV with the rest of the patients because I just couldn't relax. I tried breathing exercises, and all sorts of things to relax, but the anxiety wouldn't go away. And I remember also the gowns they forced me to wear were incredibly uncomfortable, and all I could wear were the infamous "hospital socks". Now, I don't know about any of you, but for me, having to wear nothing but hospital socks while walking on a cold hard floor was just agony. By the end of the week, my legs were incredibly sore and would not stop hurting. My roommates were nice, but unfortunately they snored. Also periodically while I was asleep the staff would put a flashlight in my face just to make sure I wasn't dead or something. And I'm the type of person who can't sleep unless there's complete silence and darkness. But even when I did manage to sleep at least a little, unfortunately I kept having PTSD induced nightmares from experiences I've had when I was younger.

The staff could be nice, but some of them were really mean. They treated us patients like we were burdens and annoyances to them. How weird is that, they're the ones who are keeping us involuntarily locked in against our will, yet we're the burdens to them. One staff member even complained that she had to "clean up" after a patient was getting sick and having accidents. Are you kidding me? You're seriously complaining out loud, yelling, and threatening to quit because you have to do your job, which includes cleaning up when an elderly patient isn't feeling well and has accidents? Am I in the twilight zone or something? Plus, some of them would get really annoyed with me too, either because I couldn't sleep due to anxiety from being there, or just because I was tired of being kept there against my will for a full week.

But the worst, and I mean absolute worst part about being in the psych ward was the sexual harassment. I wish I was joking, but yes, I was indeed sexually harassed by other patients there. I've had about three men there either outright telling me they wanted to have sex with me, trying to persuade me into having sex with them, catcalling me... one of them even tried to take my clothes off... I couldn't believe what was happening, I am being sent there and kept in this horrible place against my will because I wanted to die and put an end to my suffering, and now when I'm having one of the worst experiences of my life, I also have to deal with people being weird perverts towards me. Keep in mind, I am a survivor of SA, so dealing with all this was extremely triggering for me. I really wish I was making this up, but I'm not. And the staff hardly was even doing anything about it.

I just wanted to get all of this out... this was genuinely an awful experience for me, and I would rather die than go back to the psych ward ever again. I felt like I was genuinely in a prison. Every time I'm even in a hospital, for reasons that have nothing to do with mental health crisis, I start crying uncontrollably. To this day, I have flashbacks and nightmares about being there. This is also why I have a hard time being honest with professional psychologists and the like, because I'm afraid I'll accidentally reveal too much about my suicidal ideation and I'll be sent back there again against my will.

That sounds absolutely horrific, I can't even imagine the abuse you've experienced, I hope you never have to experience that again. It's so disgusting and apathetic that places like these exist just to torture people for entertainment.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

I'm sorry you've been through this Hell, OP. It's undeserved cruelness. That place should be abolished. I've also been forcibly hospitalised the second time, the first time I admitted myself.

I romanticise my memories at the first psych ward so much. It was the most pleasant experience I ever had and this was over a decade ago now. I met incredible people there. I can't ever go back cus my insurance won't allow it.

In comes my second psych stay to a completely different facility. This was half a decade ago at this point. This one is where they shackled me and told me I could "consent" to go for 3 days (it's never 3 days. I don't know why they lie to people about this to this day) or have a judge look at my case and if he decides I have to go, I'd have to stay there a lot longer than a couple of weeks. So I "consented" to the "3 days".

One of the Most traumatic thing I ever experienced.

My first night there I woke up with my roommate hovering over my bed like a lunatic. I saw fist fights every day (some were kinda funny) and so many patients were so unruly one of the nurses loved greeting me and giving me my meds bcus I never fight with her like other patients did and I just smile and take my meds.

I've been sexually harassed by a patient everyone claimed was "the nicest guy ever", yeah okay. I then had another guy watch me draw and harass me about drawing for his son that got to the point where I had to hide behind a nurse and she had to tell him never to come near me again, OH, but it didn't stop with men sexually harassing me! as this insane elderly woman SA'd me in front of everyone and kissed me on the mouth and I still feel so weird saying I was assaulted like that. It didn't feel real. That was my first ever kiss, too. Great.

They tried to religiously brainwash us there as well as there was mandatory bible groups to attend and with a tech saying to my face "you ain't bipolar, u just possessed" and my first interview there, the guy told me "well if you believe in God, you shouldn't fear darkness." I knew what I was in for on just that first interview. The brainwashing was so unsuccessful because I'm very self-aware and I know when things are wrong. The place had no clocks, they refused to tell you what time it was specifically. Sure we got sunlight sometimes, but God. They really tried to keep you locked inside and driven insane.

My mother couldn't even bring me fresh clothes or visit with me at all because they never gave her my ID number which we didn't know we needed (so I ended up believing she had given up on me and didn't wanna see me anymore cus she never called or visited. Well, now we know Why), so I was forced to wear the same clothes my entire stay there not able to shower either as there was no hot water, minimal plumbing, and we weren't allowed to close our doors for any reason so the shower had a dinky little sheet over it that pretends to be a curtain. No privacy anywhere and cameras everywhere that some patients were told were "fire detectors". No. No they weren't.

I watched them put a girl in the quiet room because she was annoying the staff. Not us. Them. She was just singing in the hallway, not bothering anyone. I will never trust facilities like this until rooms like this are abolished completely because it just makes your hallucinations worse. It's psychological torture, quiet rooms.

I come to learn very recently that this place is owned by some scummy mental health organisation that has facilities like this all over the place where it only exists to make money. They don't give a damn about your mental health which explains the absolute state of that place. Not a single separate ward. There's reasons good psych facilities have different wards based on the criteria of your case. Explains all the convicts that were there just in the open with vulnerable people.

Just an incredibly dehumanising place.

I met a couple of cool patients there and (most of) the staff were lovely. The patients though and overall environment... My God. I can't believe it still exists. And now I can't be open honest about my SI and SH because I'll be forced back in but to the state hospital this time, which is a way worse place to be.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrifying, it really does disgust me how humans create much more suffering by locking others in there, it's extreme cruelty.

 

[bonkers570]

My life got destroyed due to being admitted involuntarily (for mild psychosis)

Mainly because of the drugs they gave me.
These drugs are beyond evil in all aspects and made a few of my friends commit suicide.

And they kinda fucked me up permanently:
-My metabolism has been slowed down permanently meaning I have to eat very little otherwise I gain weight

- My body got distorted, I now have a belly as if I was pregnant. Never had it before.

- natural sleep destroyed, I only get a few hours of broken sleep at night

- depression, anhedonia and emotional blunting due to the drugs

- reduced sexual function

The worst part being "treated" by psychiatrists is absolutely the drugs and there is no question about it.

 

[Malaria]

My life got destroyed due to being admitted involuntarily (for mild psychosis)

Mainly because of the drugs they gave me.
These drugs are beyond evil in all aspects and made a few of my friends commit suicide.

And they kinda fucked me up permanently:
-My metabolism has been slowed down permanently meaning I have to eat very little otherwise I gain weight

- My body got distorted, I now have a belly as if I was pregnant. Never had it before.

- natural sleep destroyed, I only get a few hours of broken sleep at night

- depression, anhedonia and emotional blunting due to the drugs

- reduced sexual function

The worst part being "treated" by psychiatrists is absolutely the drugs and there is no question about it.

I'm so sorry you went through that, my heart goes out to you

I'm sorry you've been through this Hell, OP. It's undeserved cruelness. That place should be abolished. I've also been forcibly hospitalised the second time, the first time I admitted myself.

I romanticise my memories at the first psych ward so much. It was the most pleasant experience I ever had and this was over a decade ago now. I met incredible people there. I can't ever go back cus my insurance won't allow it.

In comes my second psych stay to a completely different facility. This was half a decade ago at this point. This one is where they shackled me and told me I could "consent" to go for 3 days (it's never 3 days. I don't know why they lie to people about this to this day) or have a judge look at my case and if he decides I have to go, I'd have to stay there a lot longer than a couple of weeks. So I "consented" to the "3 days".

One of the Most traumatic thing I ever experienced.

My first night there I woke up with my roommate hovering over my bed like a lunatic. I saw fist fights every day (some were kinda funny) and so many patients were so unruly one of the nurses loved greeting me and giving me my meds bcus I never fight with her like other patients did and I just smile and take my meds.

I've been sexually harassed by a patient everyone claimed was "the nicest guy ever", yeah okay. I then had another guy watch me draw and harass me about drawing for his son that got to the point where I had to hide behind a nurse and she had to tell him never to come near me again, OH, but it didn't stop with men sexually harassing me! as this insane elderly woman SA'd me in front of everyone and kissed me on the mouth and I still feel so weird saying I was assaulted like that. It didn't feel real. That was my first ever kiss, too. Great.

They tried to religiously brainwash us there as well as there was mandatory bible groups to attend and with a tech saying to my face "you ain't bipolar, u just possessed" and my first interview there, the guy told me "well if you believe in God, you shouldn't fear darkness." I knew what I was in for on just that first interview. The brainwashing was so unsuccessful because I'm very self-aware and I know when things are wrong. The place had no clocks, they refused to tell you what time it was specifically. Sure we got sunlight sometimes, but God. They really tried to keep you locked inside and driven insane.

My mother couldn't even bring me fresh clothes or visit with me at all because they never gave her my ID number which we didn't know we needed (so I ended up believing she had given up on me and didn't wanna see me anymore cus she never called or visited. Well, now we know Why), so I was forced to wear the same clothes my entire stay there not able to shower either as there was no hot water, minimal plumbing, and we weren't allowed to close our doors for any reason so the shower had a dinky little sheet over it that pretends to be a curtain. No privacy anywhere and cameras everywhere that some patients were told were "fire detectors". No. No they weren't.

I watched them put a girl in the quiet room because she was annoying the staff. Not us. Them. She was just singing in the hallway, not bothering anyone. I will never trust facilities like this until rooms like this are abolished completely because it just makes your hallucinations worse. It's psychological torture, quiet rooms.

I come to learn very recently that this place is owned by some scummy mental health organisation that has facilities like this all over the place where it only exists to make money. They don't give a damn about your mental health which explains the absolute state of that place. Not a single separate ward. There's reasons good psych facilities have different wards based on the criteria of your case. Explains all the convicts that were there just in the open with vulnerable people.

Just an incredibly dehumanising place.

I met a couple of cool patients there and (most of) the staff were lovely. The patients though and overall environment... My God. I can't believe it still exists. And now I can't be open honest about my SI and SH because I'll be forced back in but to the state hospital this time, which is a way worse place to be.

I am so sorry you went through that, I can't imagine how traumatic that must be. You don't deserve that.