Discussion Trauma for others from death

[OthelloToOblivion]

I've thought a lot about ways to ctb, as I'm sure everyone has. But the thing that I always questioned was the reaction of other people. Because of my situation, all the methods I have access to are fairly basic - things like jumping, running in front of cars, trains, etc. Except with these methods comes an extreme risk if not guarantee of another person being present. So I keep delaying it (not that I set a specific date as it was, apart from before I turn 20) but I keep delaying it while debating the trauma I might cause others. Not only people there at the scene, but also younger friends (talking 12 - 14) and family friends (4 - 7) who might or might not understand. My problem is this is a tie I have to overcome because it will always be there at this point. Anyone else get hung up on this?

 

[stargazer]

No, because from my perspective ever since getting older and in the Uni/workforce for 4-5 years, I've come to view a lot of people as pretty selfish and impatient these days. Could be growing anxiety in the general population not seen in the past.

So no, unless it was embarrassment from failure or being stopped in time, and while I may be wearing sunglasses when I hang, I now don't care anymore how I'll impact others even rescuers or whoever finds my deceased body, because "other people don't care anymore, so why should I?"

Plus I'm also upset with some of the changes society has itself encouraged, just like every election voters choose who they want, only have themselves to blame.

I'm just so over everyone and everything except myself (clearly I must love myself because it's only now me, myself and I).

I wasn't this selfish, but now I am. Monkey see, monkey do.

 

[Djinn]

Yep, scared for my poor Mum to find me soon. It's going to be terrible either way, all we can do is make sure whichever loved ones we leave behind understand we physically could not endure otherwise? If they can see that the sum of their grief is less than our pain tied to this life then maybe that'll help - that and that we're at peace in death? Idk tbh, I'm struggling to get past feeling selfish majorly still. Maybe this is just mental acrobatics lol...

 

[dyingtodie]

This is a hang-up for me as well as any place I'd ctb I'd be found, and don't want to trouble the finder. Unless I hike far into the woods which is probably too much for me. I guess it's just something I'll have to get over!

 

[longingforrelease]

god yes, this is a huge issue for me. I have a young daughter, and she's my primary concern. I also worry about the impact on my elderly mother. Let me just suggest a few threads from here where others have discussed these kinds of concerns. I have found them very helpful.

How to help those left behind
Corpse exposure
Suicide Survivors

Hope you find some answers here. peace

 

[TiredHorse]

Anyone else get hung up on this?

Oh hell yes. It'll be bad enough for them; why make it worse?

I've spent ridiculous amounts of time and energy trying to make absolutely sure the right person (not family, not a close friend) finds my corpse, to avoid further trauma. They already know/strongly suspect I'm planning to ctb, so I dread someone (my sister!) dropping me a call or a text that I don't reply to, coming out to the house to check up on me, and finding me dead. Much better to have the sheriff here first, but trying to make that happen has demanded some elaborate logistical gymnastics, and that lack of spontenaity has probably contributed to my failures thus far. Very frustrating --but I need to make the effort for my peace of mind.

 

[Jodes]

I've thought a lot about ways to ctb, as I'm sure everyone has. But the thing that I always questioned was the reaction of other people. Because of my situation, all the methods I have access to are fairly basic - things like jumping, running in front of cars, trains, etc. Except with these methods comes an extreme risk if not guarantee of another person being present. So I keep delaying it (not that I set a specific date as it was, apart from before I turn 20) but I keep delaying it while debating the trauma I might cause others. Not only people there at the scene, but also younger friends (talking 12 - 14) and family friends (4 - 7) who might or might not understand. My problem is this is a tie I have to overcome because it will always be there at this point. Anyone else get hung up on this?

Yes absolutely got hung up. I aborted every suicide but one. And I never had kids in the picture so I can't imagine.

Although at least i have a method I'm happy with, I'm sorry you don't, so sorry..... meybe delayingbis good if you could try to find confidence in a better methid here?

I am now (like usual) climbing on my soap box: wait until the time is right. Have a good death for yourself and others. My philosiphy is that death should be talked about so those left behind hurt less, for whatever cause of death may come, any time, natural or not. And suicide is one part. But with children, I don't know.

Actually, I think my father's accepted it,munkess he's just putting on a brave face or will commit me - but I am approaching 40 and bsdsusecIve been open among his time andvged done the vestvge can to help, admitting feels helpess when there's nothing more he can do

 

[Comatose11]

As selfish as it is, I'm somewhat beyond the point of caring. I'll make some accomadations - non/-violent method, in a hotel, will do it in the bathroom and put up a sign. But I'm not going to bend over backwards for everyone. And I've stopped caring what people think after I ctb. I used to care. Deeply. But I no longer do.

 

[Jodes]

As selfish as it is, I'm somewhat beyond the point of caring. I'll make some accomadations - non/-violent method, in a hotel, will do it in the bathroom and put up a sign. But I'm not going to bend over backwards for everyone. And I've stopped caring what people think after I ctb. I used to care. Deeply. But I no longer do.

I feel like that sometimes too though. Why have you stopped caring?

 

[Comatose11]

I feel like that sometimes too though. Why have you stopped caring?

There comes a point when you're mad at the world and realize if you care, you'll never ctb. I care to an extent. But not so much that I'm going to fuss over every little thing and spend hours making adjustments.

No matter where you ctb, someone will complain. If you do it at home and live with someone, people complain that's traumatizing to them. If you don't leave with them, apparently the bad smell bad people worrying about where you are is selfish. Do it in a secluded area? You're being an inconsiderate dick making the police have to look for you. Also if some runner or whatever finds you, apparently you just gave them PTSD. Do it in a hotel? Congratulations, you traumatized the cleaning ladies! Someone's always going to bitch and moan about where or how or when you ctb. Or the very fact you're killing yourself. At some point I just said fuck it, people can bitch and moan about it all they want. I don't care anymore. If I care, I'll never ctb.

 

[Jodes]

There comes a point when you're mad at the world and realize if you care, you'll never ctb. I care to an extent. But not so much that I'm going to fuss over every little thing and spend hours making adjustments.

No matter where you ctb, someone will complain. If you do it at home and live with someone, people complain that's traumatizing to them. If you don't leave with them, apparently the bad smell bad people worrying about where you are is selfish. Do it in a secluded area? You're being an inconsiderate dick making the police have to look for you. Also if some runner or whatever finds you, apparently you just gave them PTSD. Do it in a hotel? Congratulations, you traumatized the cleaning ladies! Someone's always going to bitch and moan about where or how or when you ctb. Or the very fact you're killing yourself. At some point I just said fuck it, people can bitch and moan about it all they want. I don't care anymore. If I care, I'll never ctb.

Thimk about YOUR values man. Don't be hasty while you're angry!! (I know too fuckjng well - EUPD)​

 

[Comatose11]

Thimk about YOUR values man. Don't be hasty while you're angry!! (I know too fuckjng well - EUPD)​

I always feel this way. Of course, some consideration for others is important. I'd never use a method like a firearm or train for this reason. But I'm doing my part: non-violent method, booking a hotel, and putting up a sign. I can't really do much else than that without impeding my plans. I used to be very timid and a doormat. Eventually I realized I'm not responsible for others. Being considerate and kind is important. I should do my part. That's all I can do. The rest is on the other person.

I also used to know a few people that always needed me to come to the rescue and fix their mistakes. But they wouldn't put in an effort. I eventually got fed up with that and realized you know what, I've done what I can, they won't do anything, goodbye.

 

[Jodes]

I always feel this way. Of course, some consideration for others is important. I'd never use a method like a firearm or train for this reason. But I'm doing my part: non-violent method, booking a hotel, and putting up a sign. I can't really do much else than that without impeding my plans. I used to be very timid and a doormat. Eventually I realized I'm not responsible for others. Being considerate and kind is important. I should do my part. That's all I can do. The rest is on the other person.

I also used to know a few people that always needed me to come to the rescue and fix their mistakes. But they wouldn't put in an effort. I eventually got fed up with that and realized you know what, I've done what I can, they won't do anything, goodbye.

So sorry man. But everyone on this planet is a target so don't take the "doormat" thing opersonally, it shouid offend uou because its not personal at you. I find near total isolation comforting and relatively sustainable but I am sure I am lucky, I can still hope for you and try to coerce the hell out if you not yo do it :)

 

[GreenLantern]

I'm glad others care less about this also, because I didn't want to be the only one to disagree here. I do have some sympathy for this. And don't get me wrong, other than my enemies, I certainly wouldn't want my dead corpse to traumatize or give anyone ptsd. It's not something we mean to do or are doing on purpose. But there's a few points on this for me:

1. Ideally I'd be like most people: be happy, live a long and normal life, and die of old age. But instead, socially I've lived a mostly terrible life because of how people have treated me and been driven to suicide. Now all the people that dogged me out didn't care not one bit about how it would affect me, make me feel, long term consequences for me, or if I would eventually become suicidal due to a lifetime of their transgressions against me. And some people even had the audacity to say that I'm too nice and need to be more aggressive. But now all of a sudden I'm supposed to be this angelic and caring figure who is supposed to cut corners so that some individual isn't startled by the sight of my dead body after people mostly haven't given a shit about me? It's inconsiderate that people have driven me to suicide to begin with.

2. Until the day when euthanasia is legal and widely accessible to everyone, it's going to be challenging to ctb without "scaring" or surprising someone. I'm not talking about how it is in some places (Netherlands, Switzerland, Oregon) where only the terminally ill can do it, but everyone at least 18+. If the world is stigmatizing suicide, limiting and making it hard to kill yourself, and putting people in psych wards or potentially even facing legal consequences for attempting or even saying it; then this is how it's going to be. People do what they have to do out of desperation. That's how it is when there is a demand for something and it's illegal, stigmatized, and access to it is limited. It's unfortunate but there is potential for collateral damage. Think about anything else that has ever been illegal now or in the past (marijuana, alcohol, gambling, prostitution).

And it's the state's fault for not making euthanasia legal and available to the masses. You would think with the rising rates of suicides they would be more open to it rather than just having people off themselves at random places: hotel rooms, gun ranges, cars, etc.

 

[Jodes]

I totaly agree with 2, and conclusion.

Too much going through head to decide what to say. Angry

 

[Sanguinius]

I think if I'll ctb I'll jump off a bridge in a very secluded place. Below is a hiking trail and a small river. The bridge is very high, so I think I'll die instantly, at least if I fall on my head.
I will jump at night and leave a lagged email ( https://www.timecave.com/timecave/) for the police to make sure that they'll find me.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

My vile family won't find me because I plan to CTB abroad. One strange reason that I don't want them to see me dead is because I feel that they'll "own" me then. They were very toxic and nasty when I was diagnosed with cancer. I can imagine them finding me dead after CTB and being angry that I "dared" commit suicide and making horrible comments about me.

By CTB abroad I feel that I'll be escaping both this crappy life and THEM. The people who find my body will be strangers and likely the Coast Guard who are used to seeing corpses floating in the sea. I don't think it will very traumatic for them.

 

[GreenLantern]

My vile family won't find me because I plan to CTB abroad. One strange reason that I don't want them to see me dead is because I feel that they'll "own" me then. They were very toxic and nasty when I was diagnosed with cancer. I can imagine them finding me dead after CTB and being angry that I "dared" commit suicide and making horrible comments about me.

By CTB abroad I feel that I'll be escaping both this crappy life and THEM.

This is a thought of mine also. I had toxic abusive relatives also. Even though I'm estranged from them, the law is that the state will notify them of my death which I hate. I just don't want them to lie and patronize me, others, and themselves by saying what you just mentioned, or pretending that they "loved" me and are so sad that I did this and will be missed.

To avoid that you're dying overseas? But won't whatever country you're going to expatriate your remains and notify your relatives? How did you get around that?

 

[MsM3talGamer]

This is a thought of mine also. I had toxic abusive relatives also. Even though I'm estranged from them, the law is that the state will notify them of my death which I hate. I just don't want them to lie and patronize me, others, and themselves by saying what you just mentioned, or pretending that they "loved" me and are so sad that I did this and will be missed.

To avoid that you're dying overseas? But won't whatever country you're going to expatriate your remains and notify your relatives? How did you get around that?

This is a thought of mine also. I had toxic abusive relatives also. Even though I'm estranged from them, the law is that the state will notify them of my death which I hate. I just don't want them to lie and patronize me, others, and themselves by saying what you just mentioned, or pretending that they "loved" me and are so sad that I did this and will be missed.

To avoid that you're dying overseas? But won't whatever country you're going to expatriate your remains and notify your relatives? How did you get around that?

I'm dual nationality. I've lived in two countries my whole life, going backwards and forwards. The country my father's from is a shithole and this is where I'm living now. The country I'm travelling to is my mother's and I lived there for years before getting ill.

If my body is found they can bury me or cremate me there. No expatriation needed. There's nothing I can do about the family being notified but at least I won't be buried in the shithole country. Also, my mother's country is much bigger and has loads more locations for me to CTB without being found.

 

[Jodes]

They were very toxic and nasty when I was diagnosed with cancer. I can imagine them finding me dead after CTB and being angry that I "dared" commit suicide and making horrible comments about me.
.

That's hell. It makes bring isoated fun. It must make you so angry. How is treatment going??

 

[Jiva]

Difficult to help you.

 

[deathbycakes]

Thanks for asking but the cancer is incurable. I did some chemo in 2014 and it made the cancer spread. The shitty doctors (who fucked me up in the first place) wanted me to do chemo every few months. They told me that if I didn't I would be dead by 2015.

I told them no way and stopped chemo after 6 rounds. I wasn't planning to spend my "last months" bald and unable to eat. The fact that I'm still here in 2018 proves to me even further not to trust these wank doctors.

I've refused any more chemo and any more scans. I only deal with docs to stockpile on my pain meds.

*Btw I don't want my experience to put other people off from going for cancer treatment. It's just my personal experience as all cancers respond differently to chemo.

have you tried consuming lemon water and virgin coconut oil regularly? i heard it helps. also going vegan (i'm not a vegan but some friends swear their cancer is gone after changing their diets)

 

[Jodes]

Thanks for asking but the cancer is incurable. I did some chemo in 2014 and it made the cancer spread. The shitty doctors (who fucked me up in the first place) wanted me to do chemo every few months. They told me that if I didn't I would be dead by 2015.

I told them no way and stopped chemo after 6 rounds. I wasn't planning to spend my "last months" bald and unable to eat. The fact that I'm still here in 2018 proves to me even further not to trust these wank doctors.

I've refused any more chemo and any more scans. I only deal with docs to stockpile on my pain meds. Btw I don't want my experience to put other people off from going for cancer treatment. It's just my personal experience as all cancers respond differently to chemo.

So sorry about bad doctors and your whole situation.they're everywhere. If anyone's any of inexperienced, unemployed, mentally ill, have no choice inbdictor, you can get a bad one.
I hope it isn't appropriate to ask, but I'd like to know how positive a time you think you can / will want? Would you stop treatment to make more of something available at the expence of your health to enjoy the shorter remaining time better, even though you might gave had perfectly good chance?

 

[Sanguinius]

I've lived for 2 years for my parents and sister. I went two years through the hell of crippling depression, mental pain, and borderline - emotions. Now I think it's enough. The tought of them simply doesn't hurt me anymore. I've done as much as I can for them... Now it's their turn to let me go. One hope, one hope exists, and I'll try it. But after, they wouldn't hold me anymore in this life.

I think, everyone is responsible for his/her mental pain. Finally, it's my life and not theirs.

 

[Throwaway563078]

still struggling with this. Its stopping me in my tracks. I wish I could simply disappear

 

[longingforrelease]

I'm glad others care less about this also, because I didn't want to be the only one to disagree here. I do have some sympathy for this. And don't get me wrong, other than my enemies, I certainly wouldn't want my dead corpse to traumatize or give anyone ptsd. It's not something we mean to do or are doing on purpose. But there's a few points on this for me:

1. Ideally I'd be like most people: be happy, live a long and normal life, and die of old age. But instead, socially I've lived a mostly terrible life because of how people have treated me and been driven to suicide. Now all the people that dogged me out didn't care not one bit about how it would affect me, make me feel, long term consequences for me, or if I would eventually become suicidal due to a lifetime of their transgressions against me. And some people even had the audacity to say that I'm too nice and need to be more aggressive. But now all of a sudden I'm supposed to be this angelic and caring figure who is supposed to cut corners so that some individual isn't startled by the sight of my dead body after people mostly haven't given a shit about me? It's inconsiderate that people have driven me to suicide to begin with.

2. Until the day when euthanasia is legal and widely accessible to everyone, it's going to be challenging to ctb without "scaring" or surprising someone. I'm not talking about how it is in some places (Netherlands, Switzerland, Oregon) where only the terminally ill can do it, but everyone at least 18+. If the world is stigmatizing suicide, limiting and making it hard to kill yourself, and putting people in psych wards or potentially even facing legal consequences for attempting or even saying it; then this is how it's going to be. People do what they have to do out of desperation. That's how it is when there is a demand for something and it's illegal, stigmatized, and access to it is limited. It's unfortunate but there is potential for collateral damage. Think about anything else that has ever been illegal now or in the past (marijuana, alcohol, gambling, prostitution).

And it's the state's fault for not making euthanasia legal and available to the masses. You would think with the rising rates of suicides they would be more open to it rather than just having people off themselves at random places: hotel rooms, gun ranges, cars, etc.

You make some damn good points here. I especially appreciate section 2. I think you're spot on. As for the first section, all I can say is that I'm sorry your life has involved so much harm done to you by others, those transgressions obviously proved seriously traumatic - thus you arrive here with the rest of us. I'm sorry man that life was like that for you. As for me, I have to be honest and say I can't blame anyone else for the pain that brings to this point. Yes, I have bipolar, and yes, my doctor should have known better than to prescribe amphetamines to a bipolar who was also a recovering alcoholic. In fact I considered for a while suing him for malpractice because those meds sparked such massive mania that I engaged in some really terrible behavior, behavior that cost me my family, my career, everything that gave meaning to my life. But in the end, well, actually, I don't know why I didn't try to sue him, my shrink thought I had a case, but I guess I just finally accepted that all the terrible things I did that destroyed a once beautiful life were, in the end, my actions. So I don't have anyone else to blame for me being here making plans and taking steps towards my end. I suppose it's for that reason, that i can't really say I've been treated badly by others, that I'm really concerned about all the possible impacts my death will have on people I care about, above all, my daughter. I guess it's because I already feel so fucking much guilt and shame for the things I did that didn't just destroy my life, but hurt people I loved, that I want to do whatever is in my power to limit any further pain they will have to experience should I get to the end of this plan and indeed catch the bus.

 

[ReadyasEver]

This is by far the most pertinent reason. I have a great wife and two children in college. They have kept me going for some time. My relationship with them is fantastic. They have provided me the desire and strength to continue, I love them dearly. Physically I've been dealt a raw deal with a heart condition that will require surgery, valve replacement in the next year, plus now terminal diagnosis eventually with cancer. I feel decent now, but it gets a little worse each month. They won't do the heart surgery on someone with cancer. I know my son will understand, going out on your own terms. I don't want to watch them watch me wither away and die.

 

[longingforrelease]

This is by far the most pertinent reason. I have a great wife and two children in college. They have kept me going for some time. My relationship with them is fantastic. They have provided me the desire and strength to continue, I love them dearly. Physically I've been dealt a raw deal with a heart condition that will require surgery, valve replacement in the next year, plus now terminal diagnosis eventually with cancer. I feel decent now, but it gets a little worse each month. They won't do the heart surgery on someone with cancer. I know my son will understand, going out on your own terms. I don't want to watch them watch me wither away and die.

I'm so sorry to hear of the reasons you're now among us. But welcome friend. I hope you find here what you need.

 

[ReadyasEver]

Appreciate the welcome. It's wonderful that a fair and impartial site like this exists. Already by reading many of the topics and posts, it is comforting and helpful to have people facing the same conflicts and issues. Having a discussion with people who truly understand that for me this is truly a lucid and planned decision is a great relief and source of strength.

 

[longingforrelease]

Appreciate the welcome. It's wonderful that a fair and impartial site like this exists. Already by reading many of the topics and posts, it is comforting and helpful to have people facing the same conflicts and issues. Having a discussion with people who truly understand that for me this is truly a lucid and planned decision is a great relief and source of strength.

indeed this place is extraordinary. Unique in its function, and though I ran into a bump in the road here recently, I still think of this place as the only one I have found where I can be completely open and honest about my story, in all its shameful and degrading details, and still find kindness, affirmation and hope for me in my quest for peace, however I might find that in the end.