Trapped.

[leapyourbar]

I feel so trapped. Suffocated with guilt for wanting out. I have felt suicidal for many years, and as each day passes the urge to leave gets stronger and I become less resistant to giving in. I am a lone parent to two wonderful children that deserve so much more than I can ever give them. I was barely out of childhood myself when I became a mother, and I have raised them alone ever since. I just exist in this world. My life has little meaning, but I mean everything to them. I can't escape for the fear of my children experiencing the same pain I live with. I just don't know how much longer I can battle on. I am crumbling, and there is very little of me left.

 

[KleinerWolf]

I'm sorry to hear that you are in pain.
I imagine how difficult it must be that you raised your children on your own.
To me, that shows a lot of courage, determination and I admire you for that, even though it may not have been easy for you.

I wonder,
Do you think it's possible for someone in your family/friends to offer you support/ talk about things on a regular basis which might help things seem less overwhelming and a bit more manageable?

*sending you love and emotional support*

 

[leapyourbar]

I haven't had a friend in almost 15 years. I have tried to explain my feelings to my mother and sister a few times before. It is never really taken very seriously, each time I am told to either 'get a grip' or 'you need to move on'. I have C-PTSD, it is not as easy as that. I accepted a long time ago that I have no support. Thank you for replying

 

[KleinerWolf]

I haven't had a friend in almost 15 years. I have tried to explain my feelings to my mother and sister a few times before. It is never really taken very seriously, each time I am told to either 'get a grip' or 'you need to move on'. I have C-PTSD, it is not as easy as that. I accepted a long time ago that I have no support. Thank you for replying ❤

Thats very hurtful and inconsiderate for them to say.
Although my family are not very good as well.

I don't have children but I'm sure I'd care for them to my best abilities like you've been doing.
You are an incredible mom in my book and I think that needs credits.
I'm sure your children are grateful for having a mom as strong as you.



I hope other forum members can offer input into this thread for more relatable advice,
since i am a bit lacking in terms of raising a family.


I wish you well. and I wish the strength to keep going. I believe in you!

 

[GoBack]

So trapped I am relying on the people who helped make me sick in the first place. It's suffocating and degrading. No way out but one

Got so angry yesterday I broke my phone. Then got accused of being childish so broke it some more.

 

[Remember to forget]

I feel so trapped. Suffocated with guilt for wanting out. I have felt suicidal for many years, and as each day passes the urge to leave gets stronger and I become less resistant to giving in. I am a lone parent to two wonderful children that deserve so much more than I can ever give them. I was barely out of childhood myself when I became a mother, and I have raised them alone ever since. I just exist in this world. My life has little meaning, but I mean everything to them. I can't escape for the fear of my children experiencing the same pain I live with. I just don't know how much longer I can battle on. I am crumbling, and there is very little of me left.

Please feel free to PM me if you need a shoulder x

 

[Shoopie]

I known this is an older thread but I can relate. I'm living purely for my family. My children are older now, 2 in their twenties and one teenager. My issues are now affecting them. Everyone is dependent on me as the prime wage earner but I've had enough of life, really had enough. My partner admitted to 10 years worth of infidelity with a variety of people a few years ago and whilst I did forgive them I can't stop thinking about it. I feel horribly trapped. I have no family contact due to growing up in a very abusive household so I'm stuck here.

I know that to take my life is selfish but in some ways I do think they'll all be better off without me. They'll heal eventually. Existing like I am will surely cause more damage in the long run. At the moment I'm holding on but I'm not sure how much longer I can do it for.

I used to be someone who privately criticised people with families who committed suicide. It's funny how perspectives can change when you're the one suffering so horribly.