Venting Trapped

[Letmedienow]

I just can't seem to get this right. I've tried to ctb a few different ways now over the past year and nothing has worked. I feel trapped in this body, trapped in my mind, trapped in this stupid car I live in.

Part of me really doesn't want to die because I feel like I honestly have so much potential, I used to be so bright and happy. I just keep getting knocked the fuck down by life, bad people and our broken society. There's no point in trying to be ok anymore. I'll never be ok.

Today I bought a wench strap and used some socks to try night night method but I couldn't find the right spot. My head would throb almost instantly when I tightened the strap and at one point the metal clip part got caught in my hair and ripped a chuck out. I just sat and cried and cried after that. I'm in so much emotional pain, I wish I could make it end.

All I can do is keep trying to figure out a way to ctb and maybe one day I will succeed. I beg the universe every night to just kill me. I don't believe in god but if there was one they are cruel piece of shit for letting people suffer like this.

Ps- I have seen some people commenting about god and hell and I do not believe in that stuff and do not want any comments promoting religion on my post please.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

sorry to hear you're going through any of that. have you been in your car for a year now then? i don't know where it went wrong. if it helps, feel free to vent. i too bought something for the night night but that is as a last resort. they say it's supposed to be peaceful/euphoric. i don't believe that at all. i mean isn't that the hold that make mma fighters tap out? sorry you probably don't even have the proper resources to properly research. hope you stay safe out there

 

[Letmedienow]

they say it's supposed to be peaceful/euphoric. i don't believe that at all.

Yea, I don't believe that either. It's only ever felt painful and scary. I was able to find the spot with my fingers where it felt like my vision was going blurry and I might pass out but it also came with a panic feeling. I don't know, I'm sick of trying things.