Trapped, Can you relate?

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I'm trapped here because i do not want to destroy my parents life but my existence is actually hell. I think about suicide constantly without any break except when i sleep or play a board game. My reason to have this deep need to ctb is that i struggle since i'm 13 years old with social alienation ( wich led to loneliness) severe concentration disorder, depressive tendecy , and general lack of meaning. Also my short term memory is defective and it is really disabling.
I'm now 22 and despite that i tried a lot of different therapies and approach, my suffering just went worse.
Now i don't have any emotion or desire, i have anehdonia, no projects and doesn't want to start to work for this capitalist system.
I can't fix my problems because it is the way i function wich cause me so much suffering.
I dont feel like i have a mental health problem ( depression ) but instead that depression is a trait of my personaly that was acquiried over time. I tried to speak a lot to my parents about my will, (or need) to ctb but of course they cannot accept it and instead, tell me that we will keep up to search. It doesn't mean anything for me as i dont search anything. I just want to die. I'm not looking for some holy grail that will change what i really want.
Stopped the unbearable suffering that i endure constantly and that, i'm sure of it, will keep up for decades.
I was going to ctb in two years to allow them to spend more time without the grief of my lose but now that i seen their eyes completely devastated when i talked about it i cannot imagine them having to endure that.
My mother even tell me that she dont think she will stay alive if i died. My father told me that doing that would mean blowing myself up in the middle of everyone, or create a tsunami.
So now i'm just trapped in this torture.
Are other people in the same situation ?

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm trapped here because i do not want to destroy my parents life but my existence is actually hell. I think about suicide constantly without any break except when i sleep or play a board game. My reason to have this deep need to ctb is that i struggle since i'm 13 years old with social alienation ( wich led to loneliness) severe concentration disorder, depressive tendecy , and general lack of meaning. Also my short term memory is defective and it is really disabling.
I'm now 22 and despite that i tried a lot of different therapies and approach, my suffering just went worse.
Now i don't have any emotion or desire, i have anehdonia, no projects and doesn't want to start to work for this capitalist system.
I can't fix my problems because it is the way i function wich cause me so much suffering.
I dont feel like i have a mental health problem ( depression ) but instead that depression is a trait of my personaly that was acquiried over time. I tried to speak a lot to my parents about my will, (or need) to ctb but of course they cannot accept it and instead, tell me that we will keep up to search. It doesn't mean anything for me as i dont search anything. I just want to die. I'm not looking for some holy grail that will change what i really want.
Stopped the unbearable suffering that i endure constantly and that, i'm sure of it, will keep up for decades.
I was going to ctb in two years to allow them to spend more time without the grief of my lose but now that i seen their eyes completely devastated when i talked about it i cannot imagine them having to endure that.
My mother even tell me that she dont think she will stay alive if i died. My father told me that doing that would mean blowing myself up in the middle of everyone, or create a tsunami.
So now i'm just trapped in this torture.
Are other people in the same situation ?

My situation is extraordinarily different but I am trapped just the same...

 

[Ligand]

I'm trapped here because i do not want to destroy my parents life but my existence is actually hell. I think about suicide constantly without any break except when i sleep or play a board game. My reason to have this deep need to ctb is that i struggle since i'm 13 years old with social alienation ( wich led to loneliness) severe concentration disorder, depressive tendecy , and general lack of meaning. Also my short term memory is defective and it is really disabling.
I'm now 22 and despite that i tried a lot of different therapies and approach, my suffering just went worse.
Now i don't have any emotion or desire, i have anehdonia, no projects and doesn't want to start to work for this capitalist system.
I can't fix my problems because it is the way i function wich cause me so much suffering.
I dont feel like i have a mental health problem ( depression ) but instead that depression is a trait of my personaly that was acquiried over time. I tried to speak a lot to my parents about my will, (or need) to ctb but of course they cannot accept it and instead, tell me that we will keep up to search. It doesn't mean anything for me as i dont search anything. I just want to die. I'm not looking for some holy grail that will change what i really want.
Stopped the unbearable suffering that i endure constantly and that, i'm sure of it, will keep up for decades.
I was going to ctb in two years to allow them to spend more time without the grief of my lose but now that i seen their eyes completely devastated when i talked about it i cannot imagine them having to endure that.
My mother even tell me that she dont think she will stay alive if i died. My father told me that doing that would mean blowing myself up in the middle of everyone, or create a tsunami.
So now i'm just trapped in this torture.
Are other people in the same situation ?

My problems stem from different causes (constant pain from chronic physical illness), but I understand how you feel. I have never told my parents I want to die. I have alluded to it and they completely understand why I would want to die (I'm a young adult whose life was awesome before I got sick), so I think they're just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I value my wellbeing extremely highly, but I do care about my family and friends - so I have postponed my death multiple times. It's not a good situation.

I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety. I hope you can make some good irl friends soon. Have you tried antidepressants? They can be surprisingly effective for a select group of depressed individuals.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm trapped too. Feel trapped in my flesh - prison body and trapped on this prison planet of suffering.
Too much unnecessary torture only one way out.

 

[Passersby]

Yeah I'm also trapped. I feel for you. Ctb is the only possible way out for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I certainly feel trapped in this existence but for me it's because suicide is just so inaccessible and difficult, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here when you wish to be gone. I just wish that people wouldn't so cruelly force life here in the first place, in my case I really wish I never existed here at all.