Venting Trans male (AFAB) found dead at age 18

[Droso]

Is how the news will present me

A reminder that
I was never truly a male
But an approximation
Someone who tried his hardest
But failed

Despite having my documents changed
To say male
On my birth certificate
When they find my blue corpse
And put me in the morgue
For my autopsy
They will undress me
And see that it was wrong

That I was female
And instead of seeing me as a male
Trapped in the wrong sex
The news articles will call me a child
Using they and them

Someone from Twitter
Will dig into my life
Doxxing my deadname
Calling my mother an abuser
For letting her son get on poison
My life saving medication

And they would say to that
"If it was life saving, why did 'he' die?"

It wasn't enough.

My mom would say that to me
When I would cry over my dysphoria
And avoid showers

"Nothing will ever be enough for you."

And she was right.
She will regret being right.

She'll have to delete the social media apps off of her phone
When floods of hit posts
On Twitter
Misgender me
Call me a victim
Someone who was groomed
Into believing I could change my sex
And being disappointed that I had not reached that

But not just a victim
I was a good for nothing tranny
Who deserved to die
To end the trend
I was a predator
For telling people
To DIY
Instead of having to live in a suffocating prison

When I am incinerated
My suffering
My agony
My dysphoria

It will be released
In a gas
To further pollute
The environment

And my only wish
Is for my remains

To destroy
The world
That only brought me

Pain

 

[evanescent_eva]

That was an incredible poem that encapsulated just so much horrible pain. I'm truly sorry that you have to experience so much suffering.

And fwiw, imo you're valid exactly the way you are. Frankly had no idea you were trans until I read this post, and I've seen you around a lot (not that you'd be any less valid if you were clocky, like me!). So I think you're doing gender well, even if you're anguished by the limitations of your body and the myopic perspectives of society writ large <3

 

[monetpompo]

agonizing post droso. we suffer together at least.
you were able to convey everything really well. when you die, nothing about how you want to be seen will ever matter. it's awful to die a daughter. it's awful to be infantilized. it's hard to think that anything was truly expected from me in the first place.

 

[h3artstopping]

Damn.. the pain ur feeling must be so suffocating I'm so sorry life treated you like that, if it's of any help at least on here you will be seen as a male<3

 

[littlepup159]

Damn I've really felt that. Mainly the DIY part.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Is how the news will present me

A reminder that
I was never truly a male
But an approximation
Someone who tried his hardest
But failed

Despite having my documents changed
To say male
On my birth certificate
When they find my blue corpse
And put me in the morgue
For my autopsy
They will undress me
And see that it was wrong

That I was female
And instead of seeing me as a male
Trapped in the wrong sex
The news articles will call me a child
Using they and them

Someone from Twitter
Will dig into my life
Doxxing my deadname
Calling my mother an abuser
For letting her son get on poison
My life saving medication

And they would say to that
"If it was life saving, why did 'he' die?"

It wasn't enough.

My mom would say that to me
When I would cry over my dysphoria
And avoid showers

"Nothing will ever be enough for you."

And she was right.
She will regret being right.

She'll have to delete the social media apps off of her phone
When floods of hit posts
On Twitter
Misgender me
Call me a victim
Someone who was groomed
Into believing I could change my sex
And being disappointed that I had not reached that

But not just a victim
I was a good for nothing tranny
Who deserved to die
To end the trend
I was a predator
For telling people
To DIY
Instead of having to live in a suffocating prison

When I am incinerated
My suffering
My agony
My dysphoria

It will be released
In a gas
To further pollute
The environment

And my only wish
Is for my remains

To destroy
The world
That only brought me

Pain

Respectfully as a biological man, I want to tell you that as a man, we NEVER EVER get validated for our identity, so sincerely that's something you're going to have to get used to if you do stick around.

Biological men get told they're not real men everyday. It's just how it is, but regardless of you identify as a man or a woman, it's who you chose to be that matters more than what anyone else thinks. So do you chose to be alive or is this where your story ends?

It's your call, but the way people show love to me. Looks and feels a lot like hate and disgust... And I don't want you to think that it's because you're trans. Men are hated just for being. But you get used to it. (Or you become a hermit).

 

[charlie_cat_51925]

Beautiful poetry.

 

[Droso]

Respectfully as a biological man, I want to tell you that as a man, we NEVER EVER get validated for our identity, so sincerely that's something you're going to have to get used to if you do stick around.

Biological men get told they're not real men everyday. It's just how it is, but regardless of you identify as a man or a woman, it's who you chose to be that matters more than what anyone else thinks. So do you chose to be alive or is this where your story ends?

It's your call, but the way people show love to me. Looks and feels a lot like hate and disgust... And I don't want you to think that it's because you're trans. Men are hated just for being. But you get used to it. (Or you become a hermit).

"As a biological man"

And that's where it comes in, eh? The reminder that I'll never be male. This comment is made out of ignorance. Dysphoria goes way beyond being validated by society. It's innate. You feel agony over having the wrong sex. So it is not a choice.

Additionally, you comment this with the assumption that I do not know how society treats men. Mate, I've been on testosterone for almost a year. I've been passing and stealth for about 6 months. People in public treat me as male because I look and sound male. I know how men are treated because to the world, when I don't disclose I'm trans, I am a man.

The issue lies when there is no way around people finding out.

Kindly, and respectfully, fuck off.

 

[littlepup159]

Biological men

The words "biological male" doesn't make sense. Like if a trans man (or trans woman) is on hormones u cant even call him(or her) he's(or she's)not a biological. The primary and secondary sexual characteristics rapidly change that are no longer female (or male) parts. Yes even the primary one. And I don't mean surgeries.

I like to call this era pretranshumanist era because we physically (biologically) alter our sex to different sex. That's why I like to call myself transsex because I'm changing or I've changed my sex.

I feel like that this narrative about "biological sex" is only about makes us the "third thing" ot something like that.

 

[ForestGhost]

Respectfully as a biological man, I want to tell you that as a man, we NEVER EVER get validated for our identity, so sincerely that's something you're going to have to get used to if you do stick around.

Biological men get told they're not real men everyday. It's just how it is, but regardless of you identify as a man or a woman, it's who you chose to be that matters more than what anyone else thinks. So do you chose to be alive or is this where your story ends?

It's your call, but the way people show love to me. Looks and feels a lot like hate and disgust... And I don't want you to think that it's because you're trans. Men are hated just for being. But you get used to it. (Or you become a hermit).

This is really insensitive and not at all related to what OP is experiencing

 

[ForestGhost]

The way you responded is why people don't support more trans people. You attacked me for telling you from a point of view that that is the way we're all treated... No wonder people treat you like shit, just look at the way you treat people who are just trying to tell you you're strong enough to endure it... I guess I was wrong about you.

Respectfully if you have to devalue someone else to validate yourself you're not valid to begin with.
But if you had ever talked to me like that in person, you can rest assure I would of dealt with you as if you were no different than me. But when you cried over it just know that you picked this battle with someone with a biological advantage. I came at you as an equal with respect and you saw it as an attack and for that...
I'm actually just disappointed in you.

Respectfully they lost my respect by misinterpreting what I said and then attacking me.
Respect is earned and they're not entitled to it.

Honestly I've talked to you a couple times and I know you're a very intelligent individual. But you know no one has to accept anyone else regardless of whatever excuse they make. It was not my intention to make this person feel ostracized and for that I apologize. There is a difference between biological and trans. I mean there is even a definition of being born one way or being reassigned. I'm sorry if that causes you gender dysphoria. But as a person who does not identify as transgender but does suffer from gender dysphoria... I feel like this mindset of "You either refer to me by my pronouns or I'll treat you like crap" as very fascist.
I do think the people who do not respect your pronouns or respect you with a base level of acknowledgment out themselves and they're not worth talking to...
But honestly, nobody is special.
Your left meat or you're right meat,

I respect your difference in beliefs. And I apologize if you feel that invalidates your beliefs...
But I'm not going to change my core beliefs because someone disagrees with them.
If you're allowed to disagree with something that has been physically proven... Then respectfully I don't have to conform to your mindset.
But again, you have shown me nothing but respect so I will show you the same. Who you choose to be does not bother me. And I only hope that you accept me for my beliefs and not try to change who I am so that you are more comfortable being who you are.

Peace.

I do understand what you're saying, but what OP is describing are not "typical male" issues. He is talking about his experience with severe dysphoria and transphobia. Cisgender men do not experience these things.

Besides that, complaining about how men are dismissed for their problems and then proceeding to dismiss the OP feels a bit hypocritical, no? I'm sorry if you've been wounded in the past in a similar way, that's not right either, but it feels like you're complicit in the very thing you're complaining about.

 

[The Actual Devil]

A beautiful poem unfortunately reflective of an ugly world.
I cannot comprehend what dysphoria is like.
"The opposite of euphoria," says the dictionary.

First-hand accounts paint it in colors my eyes weren't born to see,
while medical journals scrape those illustrations down to their canvas
and expect numbers to describe lifetimes of suffering.

I've been told that my closest personal experience to it is the mental withdrawal symptoms of opioid addiction.
A black hole where joy once lived in your brain—
Everyday? Where an hour feels like a week?
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Except,
Perhaps,
A transphobe.