Discussion Trans General Thread

[Mikan3]

how did everyone's week go?
mine was good until i looked at a picture of myself and now it's real bad

 

[VALI]

Life is so fucking shit when i am jealous of every cis girl i see. They have it so easy, with their thin voice, smooth skin, body shape, little to none body hair. They will never know the struggle.

I stopped hygiene because what the fuck even is the point. I have a stash of makeup somewhere in my bag i haven't touched in months, i am ashamed of it yet i can't get myself throw them. I gave up on body hair, i had to shave every damn day. I only wear the biggest clothes so i can hide everything. My voice is my nightmare.

I can relate to the picture part. All i did this month was go in circles around my room and occasionally stare in my mirror for minutes. I can't live like this anymore but i don't have a reliable method. I'd do anything for a firearm right now. Americans are so fucking lucky man, they can get a gun whenever they feel like it.

 

[BroodingBleu]

Ah yes! the thread ive been waiting for!

I haven't taken pictures or even been able to really look in a mirror since July of 2022, so I feel you.

 

[ScottPilgram]

I'm managing, trying to keep my head above water. The usual. Rough week. Patiently waiting to see if my insurance will cover top surgery or if im just wasting my time

 

[Mikan3]

Ah yes! the thread ive been waiting for!

I haven't taken pictures or even been able to really look in a mirror since July of 2022, so I feel you.

i try not to use a mirror much if at all
had to renew my licence with a new photography and looking at it makes me want to ctb so hard

I'm managing, trying to keep my head above water. The usual. Rough week. Patiently waiting to see if my insurance will cover top surgery or if im just wasting my time

praying you get that flat chest you're after

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

been a difficult week. spent all of it recovering from a suicide attempt while dealing with physical problems and drug withdrawals, and i ran out of estradiol and the pharmacy *still* hasnt processed my refill. been a busy week, way too busy for my frail body to get through. fortunately i had help, and i survived the week thanks to it

 

[vultureilse]

been so dysphoric lately i just want to crawl out of my skin

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Shitty. Dysphoric, sad, mad, empty, hopeless, etc.

I am constantly troubled by jealousy, especially towards cis women who are into gaming since I am into gaming myself and I should be them.

Taking my sn has never been more tempting.

 

[Mikan3]

been a difficult week. spent all of it recovering from a suicide attempt while dealing with physical problems and drug withdrawals, and i ran out of estradiol and the pharmacy *still* hasnt processed my refill. been a busy week, way too busy for my frail body to get through. fortunately i had help, and i survived the week thanks to it

did you get your medication yet? if this happens a lot you could try diy
i have never been able to get a prescription in this dumb country i live but diy is way easier for me imo


there was a good article from the onion this week about trans people and news: https://www.theonion.com/it-is-journalism-s-sacred-duty-to-endanger-the-lives-of-1850126997

 

[fuzzy-clown]

I hope for trans people to be accepted into euthanasia programs. Not everyone is lucky enough that they can successfully transition to live a happy life. For me, transition was trading one prison for another while being traumatized along the way.

 

[Unending]

Not doing amazing but feel like I've had some slightly less depressing moments lately. Unfortunately eating has been getting harder and I spent quite a few days just laying down for the whole day on an empty stomach. Keep getting told that I look pale.

 

[Emptied_soul]

Pretty awful. started a new job and maybe it's because i'm also autistic and i'm not capable of socialising but i feel so left alone by the group, i'd say i pass but i get paranoid and i start believing they clocked me and since i'm trans they're ghosting me and don't want me in the group or anything to do with me, i feel so miserable at work, it reminds me of how lonely i am. But i feel so alien like compared to cis girls, my body and face are okey but they're shit compared to the cis girls around my age and i feel so out of place, i just want to die and reincarnate again as a cis girl, i'm so tired of all these struggles everyday.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Pretty awful. started a new job and maybe it's because i'm also autistic and i'm not capable of socialising but i feel so left alone by the group, i'd say i pass but i get paranoid and i start believing they clocked me and since i'm trans they're ghosting me and don't want me in the group or anything to do with me, i feel so miserable at work, it reminds me of how lonely i am. But i feel so alien like compared to cis girls, my body and face are okey but they're shit compared to the cis girls around my age and i feel so out of place, i just want to die and reincarnate again as a cis girl, i'm so tired of all these struggles everyday.

That last part really resonates with me.

 

[Unlucked]

Pretty awful, I got ffs in korea and ended up botched and my airway blocked with my jaw. Im struggling to breathe everyday. I think Im going to SN soon.

 

[sorrowed_ender]

honestly I have a bottle of pills in my hands right now conemplating on overdosing haha

 

[catastrophix]

Hope you don't mind me commenting cause I'm nonbinary, but I've been feeling very weird. When I was younger, my dysphoria was crippling, but over the years I started feeling less of it. But a couple weeks ago, I suddenly remembered how confident I was while wearing a chest binder and my dysphoria hit me hard. My gender has been so fluid throughout my life that it's honestly exhausting trying to keep up with it. But anyways, I hope you all can find some sort of relief from your struggles. Well wishes :]

 

[WaitingToGo]

I am trans too, but that's not why I'm here on SS. I guess my transition was successful, I transitioned in my mid 20's and I'm 65 now. No one has any clue about my past and yet I'm here on SS. Since I lost my partner in 2018 each year has become harder to bear and I'm at the stage now where I just don't want to be around anymore. I realized this when I took a holiday a few weeks ago, seeing couples and families having fun and enjoying themselves just destroyed me and I spent most of the time crying luckily no one saw as I was wearing sunglasses.
My partner passed due to cancer and luckily I've got enough pain meds she didn't use to ctb. I can't concentrate on my job as I can't think straight and my mind is wandering all over. I'm so tempted to just hand my notice in, sort my will and just end it. Suicide ideation is extremely strong.

 

[StruggleWithin]

This seems a depressing thread. I hope noone minds my week. Monday night I hung out with this cute, nice, tall coworker/friend after work. It was nice, he lets me hang on him and snuggle up to him, but he is all infatuated with a cis girl he just met. He's sweet but looking for "the one" to marry and start a family. We have different goals in life. Anyway, Tuesday and Wednesday I was feeling lonely. Then on Thursday I get a text from another coworker/friend's daughter who opened up to me the first time I hung out with my coworker at their house. An LGBTQ youth that just needed community and was worried about coming out to her family, and seeking support and advice. (An aside, her mom opened up to me and came out as bisexual. Not breaking either person's confidence while encouraging communication between them was tricky. But they're good now.) We bonded when we both shared that we were pansexual. Her eyes lit up when she found another person that gets it. I gave her knee high heeled boots that didn't fit me and pair of heeled ankle boots was accepted by her androgynous gender non conforming boyfriend. Anyway Thursday night at work, She asked me to join her and her mom and her friends to go Prom dress shopping. I can't afford to buy one nor do I have a use for one, but I get to try on prom dresses with a group of girls. A milestone, like so many others that I thought that I would just have to accept that I missed out on, that I get to experience now. I cried tears of joy at work for the kindness and inclusion of my friend's daughter. I'm trying to live in that oxytocin high for as long as I can.

 

[BodaFly]

It has been a little over a year since I was forced to detrans. Every day I've gotten a little more numb and not a day has passed without suicidal ideation, the meds do fuck all to help. I know what causes me this pain but I can't do shit to change it because of my environment. Can't even ctb as my SN was intercepted.
It's hard to understate how well I was doing for the precious few months where I got to be on hormones and was actively transitioning, socially and physically. I thought those close to me would also see it the way I saw it. How disgustingly naive of me. My entire life is in the shitter because I dared to be honest about who I am. Now I've all but given up. I don't take care of my body, I smoke, I drink, hoping something will give and I'll die of some terminal illness. Don't have the money or privacy to put together a reliable method so this is the next best thing.

I didn't pass even at my best, and I knew that, but I was still happy. I wasn't this miserable pile of shit I am now, I was moving forward, making progress. But apparently a miserable failure is more desirable than a happy tranny to some people. They'll be left with a corpse soon enough.

 

[cygnines]

tired. knowing surgery will never fix or make me cis is top on the list of reasons i'm planning to ctb. i feel physically nauseated every time i think about my body or myself. life isn't worth living as barely half a person. i know what i am and what i should be, the discrepancy between the two cavernous. exhausted.

 

[WaitingToGo]

It has been a little over a year since I was forced to detrans. Every day I've gotten a little more numb and not a day has passed without suicidal ideation, the meds do fuck all to help. I know what causes me this pain but I can't do shit to change it because of my environment. Can't even ctb as my SN was intercepted.
It's hard to understate how well I was doing for the precious few months where I got to be on hormones and was actively transitioning, socially and physically. I thought those close to me would also see it the way I saw it. How disgustingly naive of me. My entire life is in the shitter because I dared to be honest about who I am. Now I've all but given up. I don't take care of my body, I smoke, I drink, hoping something will give and I'll die of some terminal illness. Don't have the money or privacy to put together a reliable method so this is the next best thing.

I didn't pass even at my best, and I knew that, but I was still happy. I wasn't this miserable pile of shit I am now, I was moving forward, making progress. But apparently a miserable failure is more desirable than a happy tranny to some people. They'll be left with a corpse soon enough.

That's a tough one. . I'm so sorry to read this and I can't imagine what you're going through. All I can do is give you a virtual hug from a long way away.

 

[milly]

Hugs to you all especially @BodaFly

 

[Sakura94]

sad so many trans people on this site

 

[milly]

sad so many trans people on this site

Is trans the biggest demographic on SS?

 

[StillBreathing]

I have one good friend who started her process (MTF) in high school. This is now 10 years ago and she looks so beautiful. But every time I tell her that, she thinks I'm lying.

To anyone of you who is not happy with the way you look, no matter how beautiful or handsome you are - there will always be something you want to change. We are all unique, and that is what makes you special. Don't be too hard on yourselves, it's tough enough as it is.

 

[HopelessAngel]

I have one good friend who started her process (MTF) in high school. This is now 10 years ago and she looks so beautiful. But every time I tell her that, she thinks I'm lying.

To anyone of you who is not happy with the way you look, no matter how beautiful or handsome you are - there will always be something you want to change. We are all unique, and that is what makes you special. Don't be too hard on yourselves, it's tough enough as it is.

Glad to know I'm not the only one. Very similar situation here, my best friend tells me that all the time, but even though I trust them completely, my mind simply won't accept what they're saying.

I feel bad, because they're such a good friend, the healthy part of my brain knows they're not lying, but the disordered part is constantly telling me that they must be because "mirrors don't lie".

You sound like a good person. Thank you for supporting your friend, it really can be a life saver, some days.

 

[Octavia]

Is trans the biggest demographic on SS?

Probably not, however trans people do have a tendency to be excessively suicidal, especially when they come from hostile environments.

 

[Mikan3]

sad so many trans people on this site

society is pretty harsh on trans people so it makes sense
i hope the next generations have it easier than us but trans acceptance is getting worse not better...

 

[RainAndSadness]

This thread is pretty nice.

Is trans the biggest demographic on SS?

I don't think so but we are certainly overrepresented in this forum. Approximately 10% of members identified as trans in a survey that was conducted back in 2020.

 

[D_Ana]

It make feel guilty knowin that i got a better week than many in here, i recently start my anti depressant pills after months and, im feeling pretty good, even if is false happiness i'll take it.

however if i have a think to say bout this week is, no matter how many times i see myself in the mirror, with my long hair, shave and taking care of my skin tellin myself that i look good, the true is i will never be a cis woman, damn im not even sure if i'll get natural breast or if i would lose weight to look better im just in a constant "happiness", i hate myself but not noticing that i was trans before, i knew it since im 13-14 but never accepted until my 22, took me 3 years to get the approval for hormonal treatment and i been 1 year in it, i know it will take at least 3 years to get a real change and still, everytime i see myself in the mirror i see a overweight fuck.

Life is hard, even more if you are trans.