E

emptyhead

Member
Nov 20, 2019
11
Can relate to your experiences with work. I'll just talk about you taking time off.

I'm guessing you're in Croatia and I'm not familiar with how things work there but I'd advise being honest with your reasons for not being able to work. Don't make up excuses. Tell them.

The reason is that the EU has disability discrimination laws that cover mental health problems. I know having laws doesn't mean shit if your employer is a prick and your legal system is corrupt or expensive or just shit, but in my experience I felt worse having to keep convering it up because I was embarrassed or hated myself for it. It's freeing to know you've told the truth so you're in the right.

Tell them and keep a diary of what you said and what they said. The dates and times. Explain your problems, explain your fears and explain that those fears are exacerbating your mental health issues and that you can't function well enough under all this stress to be able to work.

If you lie about it they'll claim they didn't know about your issues. Make notes of it so you can confidently back up your version of it. Do it by email as much as you can do you have a record of it. If they phone send a confirmation email afterwards, thanking then for their time and confirming what was said on the call.

One last piece of advice. I was in a very similar place a couple of years ago. Leaving the place and everything that was making life shit for me was the best thing I did. Although it didnt make life easier at the time, it started a process of healing that I can appreciate 2 years later. Starting was making me worse.

Good luck
 
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mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
View from my living room window. :)) This feels great. I will need to buy a new couch, washer/dryer and dining room chairs, but that's no biggie. Getting a stove delivered tomorrow. Exciting!
@emptyhead I will reply to your message a bit later. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.
 

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DocNo

DocNo

whatever
Oct 30, 2020
1,750
View from my living room window. :)) This feels great. I will need to buy a new couch, washer/dryer and dining room chairs, but that's no biggie. Getting a stove delivered tomorrow. Exciting!
@emptyhead I will reply to your message a bit later. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words.

i have to admit something. i never had a couch - ever! i turned away from humans so much that i never felt a need for that ^^
but since 5 years at least i have a dining table and two dining room chairs.
 
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mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
i have to admit something. i never had a couch - ever! i turned away from humans so much that i never felt a need for that ^^
but since 5 years at least i have a dining table and two dining room chairs.
I love my dining room table. The sellers wanted to take it with them, but luckily they changed their minds about it.
Chairs are cringe, though.
 

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emptyhead

Member
Nov 20, 2019
11
I love my dining room table. The sellers wanted to take it with them, but luckily they changed their minds about it.
Chairs are cringe, though.
Are they comfortable though? They look comfortable. I like them
my overthinking made my life a living hell for too long and recently i stumbled over i nice quote from dostoyevsky "to think too much is a disease.".
Just about this. Did you ever do a questionnaire for ADHD? Just because I had the same problem all my life, just couldn't stop thinking. I'm on a generic ritalin now (methylphenidate) and it's basically made my life bearable. In fact even pleasant and enjoyable sometimes
 
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mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
Are they comfortable though? They look comfortable. I like them
Thanks. They look nice in the photo, but they have a lot of tear on them, they are 13 years old. I am planning to get red ones too to complement the walls.
 
mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
I am tempred to take my 6 remaining Tramadols and be done with it. I will order Kratom tomorrow.
Can relate to your experiences with work. I'll just talk about you taking time off.

I'm guessing you're in Croatia and I'm not familiar with how things work there but I'd advise being honest with your reasons for not being able to work. Don't make up excuses. Tell them.

I was honest with everyone about this. I have been telling everybody that I have been pushed to the limit and that I might snap any day now. I think I would be deemed criminally insane if I did something reckless and got caught. They define criminal insanity as not being able to distinguish right from wrong. I definitely do not see the things I would do as in any way "Wrong". What helps me to unwind is to listen to non-PC music. Mr. Bond, Beogradski Sindikat (Serbian rap group) etc. And Durga mantras. Very calming.
The reason is that the EU has disability discrimination laws that cover mental health problems. I know having laws doesn't mean shit if your employer is a prick and your legal system is corrupt or expensive or just shit, but in my experience I felt worse having to keep convering it up because I was embarrassed or hated myself for it. It's freeing to know you've told the truth so you're in the right.

Tell them and keep a diary of what you said and what they said. The dates and times. Explain your problems, explain your fears and explain that those fears are exacerbating your mental health issues and that you can't function well enough under all this stress to be able to work.
I reported my boss to two diferent professional authorities, I reported the doctor who rejected me (I will send a letter to the media too). That is all that could be done. When I talked to my boss the last time, I asked a coworker to be present. Just to make a psychological barrier for myself in order to not get physical. I am fucking stoical all the time, I rarely show emotion in public, I am calm. And this bullshit has driven me to this. Seriously thinking of starting a lawsuit against her for emotional pain and mobbing. That is what motivates me to talk about her and my frustration to literally everybody I encounter. People say they cannot recognize me.

Fact is, I do not have access to a GP, as a citizen and fully employed person. This makes me want to kill 50 people and send a manifesto to the media explaining why .


If you lie about it they'll claim they didn't know about your issues. Make notes of it so you can confidently back up your version of it. Do it by email as much as you can do you have a record of it. If they phone send a confirmation email afterwards, thanking then for their time and confirming what was said on the call.

One last piece of advice. I was in a very similar place a couple of years ago. Leaving the place and everything that was making life shit for me was the best thing I did. Although it didnt make life easier at the time, it started a process of healing that I can appreciate 2 years later. Starting was making me worse.

Good luck
Can relate to your experiences with work. I'll just talk about you taking time off.

I'm guessing you're in Croatia and I'm not familiar with how things work there but I'd advise being honest with your reasons for not being able to work. Don't make up excuses. Tell them.

I was honest with everyone about this. I have been telling everybody that I have been pushed to the limit and that I might snap any day now. I think I would be deemed criminally insane if I did something reckless and got caught. They define criminal insanity as not being able to distinguish right from wrong. I definitely do not see the things I would do as in any way "Wrong". What helps me to unwind is to listen to non-PC music. Mr. Bond, Beogradski Sindikat (Serbian rap group) etc. And Durga mantras. Very calming.
The reason is that the EU has disability discrimination laws that cover mental health problems. I know having laws doesn't mean shit if your employer is a prick and your legal system is corrupt or expensive or just shit, but in my experience I felt worse having to keep convering it up because I was embarrassed or hated myself for it. It's freeing to know you've told the truth so you're in the right.

Tell them and keep a diary of what you said and what they said. The dates and times. Explain your problems, explain your fears and explain that those fears are exacerbating your mental health issues and that you can't function well enough under all this stress to be able to work.
I reported my boss to two diferent professional authorities, I reported the doctor who rejected me (I will send a letter to the media too). That is all that could be done. When I talked to my boss the last time, I asked a coworker to be present. Just to make a psychological barrier for myself in order to not get physical. I am fucking stoical all the time, I rarely show emotion in public, I am calm. And this bullshit has driven me to this. Seriously thinking of starting a lawsuit against her for emotional pain and mobbing. That is what motivates me to talk about her and my frustration to literally everybody I encounter. People say they cannot recognize me.

Fact is, I do not have access to a GP, as a citizen and fully employed person. This makes me want to kill 50 people and send a manifesto to the media explaining why (nbf someone rats this out to fixthe26 or the FBI - I am just expressing a sentiment, not announcing intent).
Free speech for the win.

If you lie about it they'll claim they didn't know about your issues. Make notes of it so you can confidently back up your version of it. Do it by email as much as you can do you have a record of it. If they phone send a confirmation email afterwards, thanking then for their time and confirming what was said on the call.

One last piece of advice. I was in a very similar place a couple of years ago. Leaving the place and everything that was making life shit for me was the best thing I did. Although it didnt make life easier at the time, it started a process of healing that I can appreciate 2 years later. Starting was making me worse.

Good luck
 
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mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404

Beautiful video.

This guy is very polarizing in Croatia:
Btw, the last song is in Croatian, first ones in Serbian. Slavs will dpot the simikatities. @Burzolog @leiche
Just realised leiche is most likely dead. What a macabre site.
 
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G

Goodbye710

Student
Jul 12, 2020
163
I prefer red sumatra at low doses. 2-4 pills 2 times per day. I use it to help me breath due to heart problem.

That strain is closest to real opioid feeling they say and I found it true.

I used oxy and hydrocodone for brief period to avoid being addicted then switched to kratom. I have zero regrets. I need it for health reasons.

Low doses not addicted. But if you take in high doses for euphoria can see it being addicted.
 
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mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
Yesterday I was seriously close to ctb (I mixed the SN). Today, I went to see my doctor again and made a scene. I told her I am a danger to myself in front of a few witnesses. Afterwards I sent an email to every single media outlet, gov org and NGO I could think off. One TV show contacted me already. This bitch is going down, so is my boss. I am making it my mission in life to crush them. I cried to my mom today and told her I was suicidal. I have to trudge on for her sake, at least for a while. If I fail in this, I am going, because I refuse to live in a world that spits on my dignity on a daily basis. If I die, I am dying for truth, honor and dignity.

In other news, I bought a few things for my flat - washer/dryer, couch, chairs (photo is here - I have that exact table at the flat), book shelf, coffee table. Haven't eaten anything yet, no appetite.

Feeling VERY stressed out.
 

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Makko

Makko

Iä!
Jan 17, 2021
2,430
Yesterday I was seriously close to ctb (I mixed the SN). Today, I went to see my doctor again and made a scene. I told her I am a danger to myself in front of a few witnesses. Afterwards I sent an email to every single media outlet, gov org and NGO I could think off. One TV show contacted me already. This bitch is going down, so is my boss. I am making it my mission in life to crush them. I cried to my mom today and told her I was suicidal. I have to trudge on for her sake, at least for a while. If I fail in this, I am going, because I refuse to live in a world that spits on my dignity on a daily basis. If I die, I am dying for truth, honor and dignity.
I admire your determination.
 
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mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
I admire your determination.
Thanks but I do not see the point in it frankly. I am sickened by this world and just being a part of it makes me feel dirty. I fucking hate humanity. I know I could win any fight, but what's the point? I do not want to be a part of the world that killed Wayfaerer and woxihuanni. The MOST beautiful people I ever known.
 
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mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

mahakaliSS_MahaDurga

Visionary
Apr 2, 2020
2,404
It's over for me. Too cynical to appreciate anything and too fucked up to make anything that happens worthwhile.
My death is an act of victory and ascention. It will hurt many. Should I put their feelings above mine? Of course not. Fuck them. Aren't they selfish for forcing me to go through this shit for their sake?
Took SN 3 minutes ago. No nausea. Took Meclizine and had gin and a joint. Rather dead than an addict and a wage slave. This feels good actually. I have been a ghost for a year and a half. They say death is selfish. But isn't expecting from others to live in excrutiating pain also selfish? I feel myself shutting down. I know I can win any fight, but they are not worth it. Soon I am shutting down. It feels slow and painless. Love you all. Wayfaerer, I hope to be with you soon. As with others. This is painless. 25 grams in 50 ml. Just now I feel my heart beating. No nausea or need to vomit. My head is pulsating and heart beats faster. So long. Love you all.
 
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A

Aap

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,856
Fuck, I'm really sorry I missed you
 
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Goodbye710

Student
Jul 12, 2020
163
I'm sorry I wasn't here to say goodbye to you. We all love you too!
 
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Meretlein

Meretlein

Moderator
Feb 15, 2019
1,199
It's over for me. Too cynical to appreciate anything and too fucked up to make anything that happens worthwhile.
My death is an act of victory and ascention. It will hurt many. Should I put their feelings above mine? Of course not. Fuck them. Aren't they selfish for forcing me to go through this shit for their sake?
Took SN 3 minutes ago. No nausea. Took Meclizine and had gin and a joint. Rather dead than an addict and a wage slave. This feels good actually. I have been a ghost for a year and a half. They say death is selfish. But isn't expecting from others to live in excrutiating pain also selfish? I feel myself shutting down. I know I can win any fight, but they are not worth it. Soon I am shutting down. It feels slow and painless. Love you all. Wayfaerer, I hope to be with you soon. As with others. This is painless. 25 grams in 50 ml. Just now I feel my heart beating. No nausea or need to vomit. My head is pulsating and heart beats faster. So long. Love you all.

I hope you found the peace you have long since deserved.
 
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Amumu

Amumu

Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
Aug 29, 2020
2,623
Rest in peace Maha
 
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BeansOfRequirement

BeansOfRequirement

Behind the guilt was compassion
Jan 26, 2021
5,747
RIP, considering SN again...
 
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Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Global Mod
Feb 13, 2020
3,104
We didn't get along well, but still...I'm so sorry you had no way out.

A little candle burns for you, hope it will guide you to peace and warmth
 
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Apathy79

Apathy79

Arcanist
Oct 13, 2019
492
Holy shit! I didn't see this coming.

RIP Mahakali. You took on the world with a rare bravery. It was nice knowing you briefly.
 
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UterEntonaur

UterEntonaur

Specialist
Aug 17, 2020
340
It's over for me. Too cynical to appreciate anything and too fucked up to make anything that happens worthwhile.
I'm sorry it got this far, I know you were looking forward to the new stuff for your flat, but I hope you found peace now :hug:
 
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Fragile

Fragile

Broken
Jul 7, 2019
1,496
Fuck, I can't believe this just happened, just when I thought that you were on the path of recovery.

You were the only person on this forum who offered to hear my problems, without me even asking you extended your hand and offered your kindness, in the few exchanges that we had I saw a great person and I should've opened up to you, we could've heard each other's problems and share our opinions on things that we are passionate about, we had so much in common.

But I didn't, and now It's all too late.

you'll be greatly missed, I'll never forget about you and your unique kindness.

Remember the words on your first message? Now I'll send them back to you...

Thank you.
 
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262653

262653

Cluesome
Apr 5, 2018
1,733
I feel a little bad for being tagged but not recieving an alert since I was having the whole Recovery subforum in ignore list. Hah, interesting. I was also considering self-deliverance today, but closer to morning. Were there any magnetic fields yesterday or something?

I do recognize some words from these songs.
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,794
It's over for me. Too cynical to appreciate anything and too fucked up to make anything that happens worthwhile.
My death is an act of victory and ascention. It will hurt many. Should I put their feelings above mine? Of course not. Fuck them. Aren't they selfish for forcing me to go through this shit for their sake?
Took SN 3 minutes ago. No nausea. Took Meclizine and had gin and a joint. Rather dead than an addict and a wage slave. This feels good actually. I have been a ghost for a year and a half. They say death is selfish. But isn't expecting from others to live in excrutiating pain also selfish? I feel myself shutting down. I know I can win any fight, but they are not worth it. Soon I am shutting down. It feels slow and painless. Love you all. Wayfaerer, I hope to be with you soon. As with others. This is painless. 25 grams in 50 ml. Just now I feel my heart beating. No nausea or need to vomit. My head is pulsating and heart beats faster. So long. Love you all.
Maha after all we have been through I'm sorry to see you go, Believe or not, I never wished you any harm, I'm tearful now reading this, may you have found the peace you were craving for. I'm sorry life brought you to this decision, Too lost for words right now, :'(
 
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W

watchingthewheels

Enlightened
Jan 23, 2021
1,415
Godspeed.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,039
I guess this is technically your goodbye thread now? I'm sorry I missed your final moments. I know what you were going through at the time must have been completely unbearable if you were driven to that point in the midst of what seemed like recovery for you. If you somehow survived or can see this from wherever you've ascended to, I hope you'll get to read that you were one of the members I admired the most too even especially in recent months after combatting ft26 and having to deal with their malice head on. Even when you go into arguments with other members that I also like/respect I was silently watching and respecting your sticking to your ideals through and through. I think in the last few days too when you interacted with me you even gave me some good tools to help better myself. I get the feeling that you see something in me that I still don't and you just wanted me to survive too? I don't know but what I do know is I'll miss you for as long as you're gone from this site. Man I feel like there's more I could say but I don't exactly know how to describe it all. I mostly hope that you're still alive because you seemed so close to recovery but I get that it seems like a bunch of it came crashing down and became too much to bear. Whatever happens, I truly hope the end result for you is some type of peace.
 
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RainAndSadness

RainAndSadness

Administrator
Jun 12, 2018
2,145
Rest in peace.
 
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omoidarui

omoidarui

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ
Apr 30, 2019
993
a Goodbye topic in Recovery, lol she was iconic to the end. I made this post in April last year

all the big/funny forum personas go after a while anyway ... i miss them but look forward to our next entertaining character, whomever they may be.

And that person turned out to be mahakali88. Legend, RIP
 
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