Story Totally lost it in the woods

[slamjoetry]

I'm gonna try to keep this as brief as possible so it doesn't come off like a huge sob story. So I have no friends, no money, and my life has been on a complete downward spiral for years now. It's important to note for this story that I also have severe bipolar and schizophrenia, and have missed my last few doses of medication at the time of me writing this.

Today I made the mistake of looking at my ex's social media, and saw that she seems to be doing just fine. I know I should be happy for her but instead I totally snapped, going completely into an episode of psychosis. I got up and drove to the edge of a forest, and stumbled my way through it, crying and screaming "help me! somebody help me!" After an hour I ended up kneeling down next to a fallen tree, praying over and over for someone to help me (even though I've always been an atheist).

Somehow I still got service in the middle of the woods, so I got desperate and called that bullshit 988 number. They picked up and asked "how can I help you?" and I immediately hung up. Then I called my ex and it went straight to voicemail since she blocked me, and I sobbed and said "help me help me help me" for three minutes. I don't even know if you can hear voicemails from a blocked number but I hope she doesn't hear it.

After that I calmed down, I think from pure exhaustion, and realized that I was totally lost. But eventually I somehow ended up wandering my way back through to the road. I dropped down and laid on the road for a few minutes, hoping a car would come and run me over. But I realized they'd probably just stop and call the cops instead. So I picked myself up and drove off.

I'm at my grandma's now (I'm temporarily homeless at the moment), and she has no idea what my day was like. I'm exhausted, dirty, itchy from mosquito bites and poison ivy, and I don't even know what to do with myself.
Thank you for reading my story. I just needed to get that all off my chest.

 

[Gangrel]

I'm sorry for your terrible day. You can het back in your feet mate. Just calm down first and start thinking clearly later, try to relax while you are in your grandma. Is there someone you can reach out to solve your homelessness problem? That would be for the better.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Are you able/planning to get back on your meds? That would be a good first step at restoring some kind of order in your life. I think you do that for you and you alone. I hope you get back to your "better" place in your life.