Ramirez
Criminally insane
- Jun 10, 2019
- 396
Has anyone else been on here for years too scared to kill themselves? been almost over 2 years for me. If yes what is holding you back? Just interested.
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poppeye
Member
- Dec 10, 2019
- 13
yea I'm with you only thing holding me back is the fear of surviving and being left a vegetable.
Ramirez
Criminally insane
- Jun 10, 2019
- 396
same. reasonable. very scary.
hoffnungstod
Student
- Jan 3, 2021
- 122
It's kinda mixture of being too scared, too ambivalent, too insecure (about the method) and whatnot. I'm in this fuckin state for 3 years.
NodusTollens
☾
- Nov 17, 2020
- 989
This is my second account on SS, my original account was created March 2019. From that point, I was beginning to lose my nerve- my will to live. I had been trying prior to that to heal from trauma through weekly counselling (2017-2019), then 3-month intensive therapy (2020). I was surrounded by people whose job it was to help me. Once they started to fade away (the supports) & I was left to my own devices due to service limitations, everything started to return to baseline. My baseline is "I want to CTB." Mental health is funny that way.
Though now I don't care anymore, I am more afraid of life than death.
Though now I don't care anymore, I am more afraid of life than death.
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I've been like this for 4 years now ,the only thing holding me is the fear of attempting ctb
Pen>Sword
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
- Jan 13, 2021
- 466
What's holding me back? Well my family (parents and siblings). They love me and would definitely break their heart. I am also concerned of the aftermath of my suicide attempt. I might suffer severe organ damage if I survive, and become a burden instead. The clean-up of my death is also a concern.
I will be happy if I die tomorrow in a freak accident. I just don't want to be alive anymore.
I will be happy if I die tomorrow in a freak accident. I just don't want to be alive anymore.
Ramirez
Criminally insane
- Jun 10, 2019
- 396
I hear you. have been through alot o fcounseling aswell. As you said their jub is to keep us alive. I never felt really cared for or understood.
At the moment, my family and ex-gf who i'm still close with. I keep thinking i will bring lifelong trauma to them if i do this, and imagine what 2021 will be for them and i feel extremely shit about it. Not saying it because I feel like I am so important or anything like that, but I don't want to cause them a lot of pain and give them trauma. But I know I need to do it for myself, or else this will be endless until I die form old age. I had plans for this 21st, but the closer I get the more problems arise and looking like it will have to get delayed
NodusTollens
☾
- Nov 17, 2020
- 989
Yeah, exactly. I've worked with a few different types of services: the counsellors were the most down to earth, the psychologists felt more clinical but still somewhat relatable & mildly disconnected. Worst of all interactions I've had, were with psychiatrists, they have all felt sterile.
I did find one or two counsellors along the way that cared enough to go above & beyond to offer support. But their reach can only go so far.
I did find one or two counsellors along the way that cared enough to go above & beyond to offer support. But their reach can only go so far.
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What I'm really scared of is the pain but there are less painful methods than others at least.
Also, I guess I fear death. It's so strange and mysterious!
Also, I guess I fear death. It's so strange and mysterious!
Meditation guide
Always was, is, and always shall be.
- Jun 22, 2020
- 6,089
I'm scared of suffering while I die but not death.
L951788
Student
- Dec 28, 2020
- 102
I'm so unbelievably sick of living but I can't yet get myself to die. I sometimes cling to hope that things will get better but I know I'll be in this state for years on end. I'm stuck in this limbo. I have all the materials to end myself after a 48-hour period. But, god I don't know.
I really want to leave sooner than later. Being alive everyday is excruciating. Hopefully I muster up the courage soon. Days like today. Day after day. No fucking thank you. This world is hell. At least for me. I hate people. I hate people's tribal mentality. I hate how people treat other people. I hate the rat race. I hate everything about being here and it seems the only reason is to be a vehicle for the double helix DNA. Absolutely no other point.
I'm 25 and the hell that this has become is unimaginable. If I had any consciousness prior to birth I would've never consented to this. I feel like a dying husk of a being and hopefully I get that final strength to finally rip the existential bandage off.
UGH
I really want to leave sooner than later. Being alive everyday is excruciating. Hopefully I muster up the courage soon. Days like today. Day after day. No fucking thank you. This world is hell. At least for me. I hate people. I hate people's tribal mentality. I hate how people treat other people. I hate the rat race. I hate everything about being here and it seems the only reason is to be a vehicle for the double helix DNA. Absolutely no other point.
I'm 25 and the hell that this has become is unimaginable. If I had any consciousness prior to birth I would've never consented to this. I feel like a dying husk of a being and hopefully I get that final strength to finally rip the existential bandage off.
UGH
I think a lot of us feel that, we've come to terms with death but can't seem to step through the door. It's bizarre.
I'm scared of committing suicide only because I fear going to Hell. So, my primary reason for not committing suicide is religious.
Ramirez
Criminally insane
- Jun 10, 2019
- 396
i see. but lemme tell you this. You will be fine. I dont believe in it myself much but i can promise there is no hell or anything like that.
Boochky
Fat, bipolar, and hairy. (Sorry boys, I’m taken.)
- Feb 23, 2019
- 334
Yes. I'm so scared. Ever since I ordered my SN, I have been waking up with fear in my stomach. I'm afraid of Hell.
I'm scared I think it's only natural to be. But I'm also looking forward to the peace once the pain is over.
Are you scared of death and the unknown after, or of physical pain and the risk of failing but being left in a helpless state where you're totally dependent on others but have lost all quality of life? That's an important distinction I think.
