too much trust = psych ward

[Varstraben]

I have trusted a "friend" too much.. I tell him what I feel, what I think and...
After a forced psychiatrist consultation where I was looking for hope, I'm in a psych ward, my "friend" called the cops.

I'm diagnosed schizophrenic depressive, I wonder if I will keep my job after that.

I will not stay here for a long I think, I use a vpn to my home server to navigate on the web with my phone to not get caught on this website (no gsm network here) and some actor play, but it's still very unpleasant... I'm so bored, nothing to do, they took me here without books and guitar so nothing to do, and too much drugs so it's hard to speak with other peoples, beds are uncomfortable and food is awful, I'm worst than before I get into this trap.

It's confirming that I can't trust anyone, especially doctors and "friends".

 

[lyfesucks]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish you the best of luck in trying to adapt to this new circumstance.

 

[Isadeth]

I'm sorry you're feeling like your friend betrayed you. ♡

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Have you researched the diagnosis and do you feel it's accurate? I don't expect you to answer, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, I'm just wondering if they're being accurate, or being abusive by slapping on an inaccurate diagnosis.

I ask because I had the latter happen in an outrageously abusive inpatient private "behavioral health" hospital after voluntarily seeking help (it was so bad I still have never talked about it, but later read online reviews of people who experienced the same and worse traumatizing abuse I either experienced or witnessed there, including patient-on-patient assaults allowed by staff; I didn't choose the hospital, I was sent where there were available beds). But I'm at least fortunate that it was in the US and not the UK where all of one's medical records are kept in a centralized system.

If you're in the US, I believe it shouldn't affect your job unless you're receiving temporary disability insurance benefits and that insurance is paid for by your employer. I assume you're not in the US because cell phones aren't generally allowed on units due to HIPAA laws that protect the privacy of other patients.

 

[Harleyyy]

I'm sorry you felt betrayed. I understand sometimes you just need someone irl to share your feelings, not just on the internet. But i would also look into the state of the friend. He/she probably doesn't Know what's it like to be suicidal, they didn't know what else to do, they essentially wanted to help you, it is overwhelming for them too to hear things like this. And seriously what else could they have done according to them? It is a grave topic. I can't comfort you in real life but you can talk here! Someone or the other is always active and we won't judge you! This is a safe space.

 

[SuicidalDream]

Speaking honestly about my mental health to people irl has only made things harder. They might think they're doing the "right thing" by involving doctors but very few people understand the implications of hospitalization. I only feel safe talking about it here and to one irl friend who studies psychology and actually has reasonable views about suicide.

 

[Varstraben]

Have you researched the diagnosis and do you feel it's accurate? I don't expect you to answer, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, I'm just wondering if they're being accurate, or being abusive by slapping on an inaccurate diagnosis.

I ask because I had the latter happen in an outrageously abusive inpatient private "behavioral health" hospital after voluntarily seeking help (it was so bad I still have never talked about it, but later read online reviews of people who experienced the same and worse traumatizing abuse I either experienced or witnessed there, including patient-on-patient assaults allowed by staff; I didn't choose the hospital, I was sent where there were available beds). But I'm at least fortunate that it was in the US and not the UK where all of one's medical records are kept in a centralized system.

If you're in the US, I believe it shouldn't affect your job unless you're receiving temporary disability insurance benefits and that insurance is paid for by your employer. I assume you're not in the US because cell phones aren't generally allowed on units due to HIPAA laws that protect the privacy of other patients.

I'm not in the US, and I'm in a clinic more than an hospital (a little hospital, I'm not sure if it's the good word). I can keep it because I didn't resist to the hospitalization, I acted like they want to not stay here for too long. I negotiated to keep my phone, signed a paper that say I can't take photo or share other patients data, and because I'm not resisting to them they act nice and allowed me to keep it, but it must stay in my room and locked to not be accessible to other patients. I'm here since 4 days and have my phone only since yesterday, time is long without phone to stay aware of the real world.

For the diagnosis, it's not very accurate, I mean I hear sound and smell things that not exists sometime, or have long conversation with myself most than other people so for the schizophrenia it's could be accurate but it's to linked to depression, I never felt bad about what I heard or feel about this so I don't take it as a disease (it helped me sometime at school and in my work, looking at a problem without thinking and the solution come from nowhere, I don't heard voices but there are some idea or answer that I can't explain, like if my brain think about what I see without me being aware of it). I'm not feel depressive, but I told to my friend that I can't work anymore because something was broken in my head, after a long headache period I lose my capacity of solve simple or complex algorithm, I think it's the good part of my schizophrenia who don't work anymore.

So maybe I'm schizophrenic but I'm not depressive because of that, I'm depressive because of my work but doctors linked the mental illness with the depression without letting me explain what I think about this, I hope they will understand my feelings about this and why I don't wanted to be healed about schizophrenia. The good point is that I don't work where I am, but I would have prefered not work and stay at home with my guitar and my computer.

I told my friend that I wanted to die because of my past, and now my work situation accelerated my wants to die and asked him for tips and help, but he didn't respond and just called the cops. I can't judge him because I don't know what is the good reaction to have about it, but I don't like what he done, he lost all my trust.

 

[MrAsclepius]

Unfortunate it is, that there are so little we can depend on with problems like ours. It's why I no longer have friends, and keep family at a distance.

 

[Varstraben]

After almost 2 week I'm finally out, it was so boring... I managed to have my nintendo switch in my room to past time and have a nice roommate here by his own so it helped. I have a lot of medication to take and be followed by a psychiatrist every week, only one error and I'm back to this hell, but for now I'm out.

Drugs are so boring that I can't feel anything, no pleasure from listening a good music or things like that, but taking them during these weeks take me out of this hell. I don't know what they said to my employer but I had a lot of messages from them with missions and other opportunities, they are nice but when the important thing to forget is work, it's hard when they sms me every day.

The schizophrenia diagnosis is confirmed but it's not in state that I can't manage myself, I was feeling better when I was able to hold an entire conversation with myself without realizing it, and since I'm aware of it I want to try if I can really have these kind of conversations while being conscious of talking with my own conscious, but medications are stopping them, so I'm sadder than before the internement.

Doctors help you... really? So why I'm feeling worst than before talking with them and get to the hospital?
Well I will keep playing comedy to stay free, but medicals "help" have "help" only in the sentence.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

im sorry that you went through this and i hope that you are feeling better.