Tonight might be the night

[zapffes_son]

I've got til about 2:00 am for the food fast to kick in.

I'm figuring, if I don't force myself to do it now, I'll be doing a huge disfavor to myself by continuing this godawful life.

Note to anyone reading this: this has nothing to do with depression, mental illness, loneliness, breakups, or anything like that. My life is simply just fucked for a variety of reasons. Think, you'd likely consider yourself lucky to not be me, so don't take my exit as any kind of example, because my circumstances are not yours.

Nearly 40 years on of this nightmare, it's time to know when it's time to go.

Anyway, the only issue is my dad's sleeping on the other side of this condo, but he'll probably be too asleep to hear any noise. I'd really prefer this to work for my own sake.

If I can do myself a favor and overcome my SI, which is the rational move for me here, then sayanora, shit life!

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

May your passing be passing be peaceful and successful

 

[zapffes_son]

Thanks. It's been over 14,000 days of this atrocious life. I think that's long enough.

Too bad it took me that long to smarten up.

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

Better late than never as they say
Some people never do so you're pretty brave in my book

Cheers*

 

[insurancepolicy]

I hope you find peace.

How will you go if you don't mind me asking?

 

[wanttodie]

good luck

 

[ajdhabajdyst]

i wish you peace <3

 

[zapffes_son]

SN.

I have a job interview Friday for just above min wage. Every job I've had has ended up with me beaten to shit, and I doubt this will be an exception. Or any job here on out.

So, yeah, it's not like I didn't fucking try. It's like people can't help themselves from being sadistic psychopaths to me, even in my middle age.

At this point, I'm just too old. Finally beat to death for real.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

May you find peace.

 

[domedune]

I'm wishing you safety and rest I'm sorry you weren't given better circumstances

 

[Bone]

it's really tough getting to an age where you don't see anything changing for the rest of the time you're alive. im right there with you, at age 35, living with parents yet again due to 3rd psychotic episode. i really hope there is something better on the other side. at least its better than growing older this way.

 

[chocolatebar]

So sorry for life being so bad to you...

Note to anyone reading this: this has nothing to do with depression, mental illness, loneliness, breakups, or anything like that. My life is simply just fucked for a variety of reasons. Think, you'd likely consider yourself lucky to not be me, so don't take my exit as any kind of example, because my circumstances are not yours.

So, do you think your decision is a rational one?

 

[pure soul]

I hope you found peace

 

[zapffes_son]

I'm still here.

My dumb ass will try a few more times, yet again, but I don't expect anything different.

I have to be 100٪ certain, because I'm going to make sure this works, and that death state can't be reversed.

 

[BetweenRadioStations]

If you're comfortable answering, what stopped you?

 

[zapffes_son]

What I wrote above. I've been obsessed with my own death since I was a toddler, and I'm very aware of what's at stake re: my belief systems [non-existent non-state].

I'm sure taking some time to write it out to other people helped stop me for a moment.

 

[sadpinky]

What I wrote above. I've been obsessed with my own death since I was a toddler, and I'm very aware of what's at stake re: my belief systems [non-existent non-state].

I'm sure taking some time to write it out to other people helped stop me for a moment.

How are you feeling?

 

[insurancepolicy]

it's really tough getting to an age where you don't see anything changing for the rest of the time you're alive. im right there with you, at age 35, living with parents yet again due to 3rd psychotic episode. i really hope there is something better on the other side. at least its better than growing older this way.

Right there with you. Except I'm 33.

 

[logan]

I hope you find a way to get back on your feet.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best no matter what you decide to do. If your decision is to leave, then I wish you peace. I'm sorry that you are suffering and that life has been cruel to you. Existing can be a nightmare, I understand that for certain.

 

[headspin]

I've got til about 2:00 am for the food fast to kick in.

I'm figuring, if I don't force myself to do it now, I'll be doing a huge disfavor to myself by continuing this godawful life.

Note to anyone reading this: this has nothing to do with depression, mental illness, loneliness, breakups, or anything like that. My life is simply just fucked for a variety of reasons. Think, you'd likely consider yourself lucky to not be me, so don't take my exit as any kind of example, because my circumstances are not yours.

Nearly 40 years on of this nightmare, it's time to know when it's time to go.

Anyway, the only issue is my dad's sleeping on the other side of this condo, but he'll probably be too asleep to hear any noise. I'd really prefer this to work for my own sake.

If I can do myself a favor and overcome my SI, which is the rational move for me here, then sayanora, shit life!

I hear you . My life is fucked on top of being bipolar 1. Good luck. I'll need it too.

 

[BigG91]

it's really tough getting to an age where you don't see anything changing for the rest of the time you're alive. im right there with you, at age 35, living with parents yet again due to 3rd psychotic episode. i really hope there is something better on the other side. at least its better than growing older this way.

I think I've have 6 Psychotic episodes and I'm 31... My situation is the same as yours ....life is just miserable and doesn't seem to be getting any better