Tonight is the night, hopefully

[m314]

I've taken a hefty dose of klonopin with some booze and zofran as an anti-nausea med. I have 25 grams of SN dissolved in water just waiting for me. I'm planning on drinking it all once I'm good and fucked up from the benzos and booze to hopefully avoid some of the unpleasantness of the process. I'm around 115 kg, so I figured 25 g would be an effective dose.

I have arranged for my two loving cats to be taken care of. They have been holding me back for months, honestly. How can I off myself at home when my babies would have no where to go? Now they have somewhere to live with someone they love, so I'm free to leave them behind without worry.

There's no reason to write too much here. You guys have seen it all I'm sure. I'm about to write my final emails to a few people in my life with a 24 hour delay. I don't want them to read anything until I'm already gone. It's nice to have the option to write emails that won't actually be sent until the next day.

 

[GasMonkey]

See you on the Other Side.

 

[Nightbird]

Love and warm hugs

 

[MidnightDream]

I don't think we've ever spoken, but I'm sending you SO much love. Good luck on your journey

 

[m314]

I just did another dry run at sending myself an email with a 10 minute delay. If this goes through, I'll send the main emails with at least a 12 hour delay and get on with it. The last thing I want is for someone to find me and "save" me at the hospital when I specifically am choosing to end it for good.

I wish I could be there to comfort my wife, my mom, my sisters, my friends, everyone afterwards. That won't be possible, but I can at least say a few things to the people who've meant the most in my life. My greatest wish is that they all move on from this and have happy lives afterwards.
I'll probably post here when I chug the 25 grams, then I'll just lie down and wait for the inevitable.
Ok, I've written my time delay emails. I'm wobbling around the room with the klonopin and booze without any worries at all. It's go time. I'll post my initial reaction to the SN in water drink, and maybe reactions after that if it feels possible. I'm ready to get it done. I will deal with any unpleasantness that comes and possibly post about it, but I'm not guaranteeing anything there. I probably won't feel like being in a chatty mood to talk about every little detail. My best hope is that it happens quickly and any suffering present at the time will be a short transitory process leading to unconsciousness followed by the eternal bliss of nothingness.

 

[Outandproud]

Sending u peace and comfort in this difficult moment. Im glad your cats are being taken care

 

[m314]

Sending u peace and comfort in this difficult moment. Im glad your cats are being taken care

Thanks. :) I've been wanting out for me for a while now, but there is no way I could have done it if my seeet little baby cats didn't have a good home and good life set up for them when I'm gone.

 

[dopaminedeath]

Hope it goes well. Farewell

 

[m314]

Sodium nitrite is pretty damn nasty. Oh well. I've had worse things in my mouth.
25 grams down the hatch. Time to turn the phone off and lie down waiting for whatever unpleasanness awaits.

It was 12:11 pm on Monday morning when I chugged it. I wish there was a simple step to skip from this nasty taste to just having it being over and peaceful.

 

[purplehearted]

Good luck, i hope it's fast and painless

 

[m314]

If I post here tomorrow, I will be extremely pissed off. Lol

 

[purplehearted]

If I post here tomorrow, I will be extremely pissed off. Lol

Man, I would be too Wishing you all the best in your journey

 

[CowsAreCool]

Remember it's never too late to dial 9/11. They can save you. And you can have a rebirth. A new shot at life. A fresh start. You've sufficiently seen the light.

Come back, we love you.

I wish you the absolute best regardless, friend

 

[Euthanza]

Peace be upon you

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Wishing you peace

 

[Zaljko]

I can relate to that; half the time I think the only reason I'm alive at all is the cat....

Hope everything goes well...

 

[rpxrpl]

Best wishes

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Per ardua ad astra

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I hope that you find the freedom from suffering that you wish for.

 

[Shivali]

 

[onceuponadec]

Good night sleep tight may you rest in the arms of the angels tonight.

 

[Shu]

RIP

 

[EndlessDespair]

If I post here tomorrow, I will be extremely pissed off. Lol

Hope your last moments were quick and painless. Rest in peace soldier🕊

 

[StarlightDreamer]

May we meet again, in a better life.

 

[Caoine01]

I whis you a save trip to the other side. Farwell my friend.

 

[outrider567]

Farewell indeed