Tomorrow.

[CTB Fella]

I have all I need.

100 sleepers, 100+ benzos + alcohol.

I was standing in a shopping mall earlier, people watching, and it just occurred to me: What the fuck is this all about?

This is all just a complete load of bollocks. This thing called "life" is pointless.

I've done all I want to do, and then some.

And I'm not a talker, as many suicidal people are. I'm a doer.

The excitement is building.

Farewell.

 

[archiemex]

please just make sure you 100% actually want to go through with this... have you considered all your options?? If you have then i bid you farewell.. sorry it had to come to this.

 

[CTB Fella]

please just make sure you 100% actually want to go through with this... have you considered all your options?? If you have then i bid you farewell.. sorry it had to come to this.

Thank you.

I'm just ready, if you know what I mean?

This "life" has nothing to offer me. I'll exit on my terms, when I'm ready.

I see no point in waiting any longer.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry it's come to this. I hope you change your mind! I'm not sure you will though :( we'll miss you

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, life certainly is something that is so incredibly useless and could only ever be an undesirable distraction from the fact that we will all inevitably cease to exist someday. I could never see any benefit to being trapped in this hellish world, so your wish to be free from it all really is understandable, and I understand why you would feel so relieved at the thought of leaving.
Best wishes.

 

[CTB Fella]

To me, life certainly is something that is so incredibly useless and could only ever be an undesirable distraction from the fact that we will all inevitably cease to exist someday. I could never see any benefit to being trapped in this hellish world, so your wish to be free from it all really is understandable, and I understand why you would feel so relieved at the thought of leaving.
Best wishes.

You're right.

As I said, earlier today, I was browsing around at these ridiculous human beings, thinking to myself "what the fuck is this all about?"

I can see that this thing called "life" is some kind of test. Only when I pass over, will I know what it was all for.

To me, it's pointless.

Torturous.

Painful.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

People watching is like watching ants crawl around an anthill lol. Definitely pointless. It sounds really nice to be so certain that it's time and have the relief of knowing it's almost over. Wish I was a doer, then I wouldn't still be here.

Sitting around complaining, but doing nothing about it seems to be my specialty, but not yours fortunately. Good luck with your plan. I hope you get what you want out of it.

 

[CTB Fella]

People watching is like watching ants crawl around an anthill lol. Definitely pointless. It sounds really nice to be so certain that it's time and have the relief of knowing it's almost over. Wish I was a doer, then I wouldn't still be here.

Sitting around complaining, but doing nothing about it seems to be my specialty, but not yours fortunately. Good luck with your plan. I hope you get what you want out of it.

Thank you.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Per ardua ad astra

 

[CTB Fella]

Well, today is the day.

Have had my bath and shave, and am on my third Kopparberg.

The tablets are still in their blister packs, but I'll get them out when I'm ready to go.

I'm really not feeling it, but I need to motivate myself.

Would welcome any final responses.

Love to all x.

 

[ThisIsLife]

I'm really not feeling it, but I need to motivate myself.

You're not feeling it ?

 

[CTB Fella]

You're not feeling it ?

I'm working on it x.

 

[ThisIsLife]

I'm working on it x.

Don't put pressure on yourself. You're free to choose when and how, and there's nothing wrong with changing your mind.

If you're not feeling it, maybe reconsider your options, method or decision.

Don't rush.

Whatever you choose to do, take your time beforehand to think through all of it and be at peace with your decision.

Whatever happens, i wish you peace, be it on this side or the other.

 

[CTB Fella]

Don't put pressure on yourself. You're free to choose when and how, and there's nothing wrong with changing your mind.

If you're not feeling it, maybe reconsider your options, method or decision.

Don't rush.

Whatever you choose to do, take your time beforehand to think through all of it and be at peace with your decision.

Whatever happens, i wish you peace, be it on this side or the other.

Thank you, my friend.

However, there comes a time when we need to make the decision, and stick to it.

otherwise, we're just prolonging the pain.

Sending love to you.

 

[manocsak]

Rest easy, and good bye

 

[CTB Fella]

Ok, so I'm kind of at a precipice.

Would welcome your advice.

Four bottles of Kopparberg down me, so the alcohol is sorted.

Still have two more bottles.

Thing is, I'm starting to feel hungry (alcohol) so I need to decide whether I ride the lightning, or I just have a munch, and put this off for another time.

The thing is, this is not going to go away. This WILL happen, so why prolong the pain?

Once the tablets are in me, it's done. Whatever-the-fucking-ever happens after that is just history. I don't really care.

The only real question is: Do I want the madness (overdose) or should I just have a munch and exist for another day. The second option will span into days, weeks, possibly months.

Thoughts?

 

[HerculePoirot]

Nobody can decide for you. However, I'd say that if you are hesitant, your time hasn't come yet. Don't do it now.

 

[CTB Fella]

Nobody can decide for you. However, I'd say that if you are hesitant, your time hasn't come yet. Don't do it now.

I think you could be right.

However, once I have something to eat, that's it: Game over.

Maybe I'll just take a rest, and see how I feel in a little while?

It's all or nothing, with us EUPD/BPD types, so that's why I'm keen on going.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Nobody can decide for you. However, I'd say that if you are hesitant, your time hasn't come yet. Don't do it now.

Conversely, if you can't contemplate seeing the sunrise tomorrow at any price, you are better taking your own life today.
In your case, my feeling is that there is no emergency. If you regret tonight, tomorrow is an other day.

 

[darkdarkdark]

Bid you farewell.

 

[CTB Fella]

It's not happening today.

Just couldn't get myself over the line.

Just ordered pizza (yes, my mind is that fucked that I switch between a suicide attempt, and eating pizza.)

Tomorrow is another day.

Trust me, I've been here many times before (26 Section 2s) and I know when I'm "ready" to make an attempt.

Wishing you all "well" x.

 

[Huntfish34]

Right on, I completely understand and wish you Nothing but the best. Lol, Nothing wrong with some pizza, what kind?

 

[CandyCane]

I can see that this thing called "life" is some kind of test. Only when I pass over, will I know what it was all for.

I wouldn't expect much here. I think we will die and never know, because we lose consciousness entirely when we die.

 

[CTB Fella]

Right on, I completely understand and wish you Nothing but the best. Lol, Nothing wrong with some pizza, what kind?

I'm veggie, so veggie sizzler (Pizza Hut, pan.)

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Just ordered pizza (yes, my mind is that fucked that I switch between a suicide attempt, and eating pizza.)

Oh God, that sounds like something I would do if I changed my mind at the last second. Knowing me, it probably wouldn't be veggie pizza, but it would be a heart attack on pan crust. If my method doesn't get me, the artery blockages will.

Hopefully it works out for you whenever you feel ready to try again. It sounds so hard to get over that line though.

 

[CTB Fella]

I enjoyed the pizza.

Feel a bit guilty about not going ahead, but I've been taking the medication and it makes you so hungry. That, on top of four bottles of cider, and you get the munchies.

When you have the munchies, it's much harder to down hundreds of pills (been there.)

Didn't want to risk throwing them up, which would be a waste.

As I said before, tomorrow is another day.

Thank you, everyone x.

 

[CTB Fella]

Now I hate myself.

 

[HerculePoirot]

Now I hate myself.

Don't. This story isn't uncommon. Not a failure: an experiment. Will be useful later, whatever you decide.

 

[CTB Fella]

Don't. This story isn't uncommon. Not a failure: an experiment. Will be useful later, whatever you decide.

Thank you.

And you're right, I'll just use this as fuel for my next attempt.

 

[CTB Fella]

So this is what 100 Zopiclone looks like, and approximately 125 Lorazepam.

Nothing, but deadly.

They will go down in two, controlled bolts.

It's all about getting your breathing right, and NOT using water: You want to mask the flavour, to prevent vomiting.

Anyway, I think I'm going to have a good semi-fast today, then go for it tomorrow.

Yesterday was too rushed, and these things take planning.

Sending love to all x.