Told my friends about my SI

[AngelGirl]

I told some of my friends about my SI. I'm not really close to them but I told them because I knew they are good people and thought I could get some support.

But they don't take it seriously.
My dad doesn't take it seriously also. He thinks I'm depressed but whenever I say anything remotely about my SI he thinks I'm not serious and I just want attention. I never talked to them, my dad or my friends, extensively about my SI though, honestly find it meaningless to really go in details with how serious I am or my plans to kill myself. Cause when you die, you die alone. I'm not going to try to impress them with how seriously suicidal I am. It's meaningless.

But it feels really bad and I feel isolated because I opened up, which was difficult, but they think they know what's going on and thinks, "oh she's just depressed, we've all been there."
Whether I choose to kill myself or not, them not taking me seriously shouldn't matter.
But when I think about it, it's really upsetting.

I know I wouldnt kill myself just to punish another person, or to prove that I was telling the truth and they should've listened.
But it feels so bad...
I know the vast majority of people do not understand (are incapable of understanding) mental illness, etc.
but why is it still so upsetting?

Probably should not have told them. It was only going to hurt my feelings and if I do kill myself it's only going to traumatize them even more because I opened up to them before committing suicide.

Everything is just so terrible.

 

[sunny.sativa]

My folks thought I was being a "stupid emo kid" until I actually almost died and was in a ward for a long ass time.
My mom said,"do you know what that would have fucking done to me?"
I asked her if she remembers me asking for help and she straight-up said no. Ha. Isn't that great becauuuuseee as far as I know, it was way more than twice.

What I'm sayin is, they're not gonna believe you, probably, until you're either dead or making a scene. Sorry. It fuckin sucks, but that's the way it be.
I agree with your outlook. "When you die, you die alone." Thats some real shit for someone to come to terms with. I'm impressed. But y'know, I have to say: it's gonna be alright. Y'feel me? Like.. okay, whether or not you choose to live, life is gonna go on and you're gonna have a good time here and there, whether you like it or not. It's actual shit most of the way, I'd say, but there are those annoying little things that will make you laugh and make the next day worth it.

Why are you depressed? Can I ask about that? I mean about why you want to kill yourself?

 

[Rukia]

What kind of support do you expect?

I do not mean to attack you but in the other thread you mentioned that your BF wants to call cops/mobile crisis on you and you dont want that...dont want to go to the hospital either...so in a way you dont want to be treated as seriously suicidal but on the other hand you want it...
Once more it is well meant...dont want to offend you or sth...

 

[AngelGirl]

My folks thought I was being a "stupid emo kid" until I actually almost died and was in a ward for a long ass time.
My mom said,"do you know what that would have fucking done to me?"
I asked her if she remembers me asking for help and she straight-up said no. Ha. Isn't that great becauuuuseee as far as I know, it was way more than twice.

What I'm sayin is, they're not gonna believe you, probably, until you're either dead or making a scene. Sorry. It fuckin sucks, but that's the way it be.
I agree with your outlook. "When you die, you die alone." Thats some real shit for someone to come to terms with. I'm impressed. But y'know, I have to say: it's gonna be alright. Y'feel me? Like.. okay, whether or not you choose to live, life is gonna go on and you're gonna have a good time here and there, whether you like it or not. It's actual shit most of the way, I'd say, but there are those annoying little things that will make you laugh and make the next day worth it.

Why are you depressed? Can I ask about that? I mean about why you want to kill yourself?

I think you are right. As long as you are alive, you are continuously going to have small shit things along with small good things. I guess that's just life.. my life is mostly filled with shit cause I'm rarely happy about anything. I did get ice cream with them though, which is a rare thing to happen, since I never really hang out with anyone or interact with people a lot. So I guess it was my little good thing in life although I don't find it significant.

I feel suicidal, now mostly because I think I'm done with everything. I think I just can't take anything anymore. I feel so sensitized to everything. I have had depression almost all my life since I was very young. My depression is usually not too bad. I typically have something mild and chronic.

Starting from the beginning of this year, I have been getting intense suicidal ideation. Because I feel hopeless about my situation and I feel that I'm doomed for life. I am trapped forever and there's no way out besides killing myself. I won't specify what exactly my situation is.. cause that would reveal too much personal information and I don't feel comfortable revealing that..

i feel that i'm destined for misery. Although so many people told me it doesn't mean that i'm going to have a miserable life forever, I still feel extremely pessimistic.. I think I feel that way due to my depression. But honestly can't think of how it will get better.
I feel that I have to kill myself to end this situation.

That is the main reason, but I was also abused as a child from my parents and my family members, all my aunts have strong hysterical tendencies, so I'm assuming that I am genetically prone to neuroticism, I have had psychotic episodes and I was treated for that before. Low self esteem, social anxiety... these don't make me suicidal (except for psychotic episodes which made me suicidal when I was actively having them) but these are indirectly contributing factors.

What kind of support do you expect?

I do not mean to attack you but in the other thread you mentioned that your BF wants to call cops/mobile crisis on you and you dont want that...dont want to go to the hospital either...so in a way you dont want to be treated as seriously suicidal but on the other hand you want it...
Once more it is well meant...dont want to offend you or sth...

Yeah I understand. I think it was really stupid of me. I was just being emotional and was acting on impulse. I do that sometimes.. often I just get so emotional out of nowhere and it makes me act irrationally. I just felt desperate and probably wasn't really making a rational decision by doing that..

 

[Rukia]

Yeah I understand. I think it was really stupid of me. I was just being emotional and was acting on impulse. I do that sometimes.. often I just get so emotional out of nowhere and it makes me act irrationally. I just felt desperate and probably wasn't really making a rational decision by doing that..

I feel you on that...when my brother was in my apartment I was browsing the forum as if I wish to be caught...Send him once "the center cannot hold anymore" but he asked what I meant and told him not to worry...

 

[HGL91]

Rule 1 about being suicidal....don't tell anyone you're suicidal unless you want help.

I learned that the hard way when I was 23. It was either being kicked onto the streets or psych ward, so I chose psych ward. And then I tried to give life another chance. 4 1/2 years later and I'm back to square one, but more psychologically damaged and with streaks of gray hair among my dark brown hair.

 

[AngelGirl]

Rule 1 about being suicidal....don't tell anyone you're suicidal unless you want help.

I learned that the hard way when I was 23. It was either being kicked onto the streets or psych ward, so I chose psych ward. And then I tried to give life another chance. 4 1/2 years later and I'm back to square one, but more psychologically damaged and with streaks of gray hair among my dark brown hair.

Yeah, I know. Being hospitalized is the WORST... I would honestly do anything to avoid being hospitalized. They were the friends who came to see me when I was hospitalized and I knew they won't call cops on me... they came to see me multiple times, and they know how stressed I was while I was in a psych ward. I just knew they won't hospitalized me.

Now I'm mostly fine, although slightly annoyed when I think about it. I never really opened up to them before. Opening up is hard. But knowing that they don't take me seriously is just slightly upsetting. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter..

 

[Pistolero114]

Yeah, I know. Being hospitalized is the WORST... I would honestly do anything to avoid being hospitalized. They were the friends who came to see me when I was hospitalized and I knew they won't call cops on me... they came to see me multiple times, and they know how stressed I was while I was in a psych ward. I just knew they won't hospitalized me.

Now I'm mostly fine, although slightly annoyed when I think about it. I never really opened up to them before. Opening up is hard. But knowing that they don't take me seriously is just slightly upsetting. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter..

There's a grand scheme of things? Always looked more like chaos theory to me

 

[seekingoblivion]

What kind of support do you expect?

I do not mean to attack you but in the other thread you mentioned that your BF wants to call cops/mobile crisis on you and you dont want that...dont want to go to the hospital either...so in a way you dont want to be treated as seriously suicidal but on the other hand you want it...
Once more it is well meant...dont want to offend you or sth...

Might have wanted the kind of support we tend to give out here except on a more personal level with a hint of pro-life. Basically to be heard.