Told my father I plan to CTB within 14 days if something doesn't change

[TheLastSacrifice]

I normally would advise against people telling their parents and equivalent loved ones but I am so frustrated with the situation with my wife, living at my father's house, trapped here, and so sick of my dad's blunders I really don't care how he feels anymore. He has done nothing as a parent to raise either myself or my sister. He started smoking weed with me during my teens and I needed a dad. My mother was dead. Im not doing this to hurt him. Im not telling him to lash out at him or be manipulative. I swear on the love I have for my daughter I am considering ctb very seriously and very soon. I have tried working. Sharing a ride didn't work. He also borrowed a ton of money and didn't pay it back. Him and my stepmother are falling under so bad I think they will lose their house. When I was in high school right before graduation my father used the money my mother left him to raise me in our nice neighborhood and moved down into the rural wilderness where he has no handyman skills or self sustaining capabilities. It threw my life into a cycle of chaos and I never have fully recovered. I cannot blame my dad for my problems anymore as I am 37 years old and have been living out on my own since my teens, bouncing back between rural and city a half dozen times. I had no home. I lived as a nomad essentially moving from apartment to apartment I found my place with my wife and my best friend of 14 years (though we both have mental issues and have had a strangely adversarial friendship at times). I had a daughter and did everything to change my life. The pot. Mostly gone. The cutting. Gone. Haven't done it in 5 years. I have really become what I believe to be a good person. We had a daughter and despite my wife's outbursts against me and her crazy episodes where she kicks me out, it has been the happiest time of my life. Now I'm sitting here with her laughing at me calling me the next Ted Bundy, minus the fact that I don't murder people or commit violent acts outside of physical self defense. She calls me on the phone today after sending me links earlier this week to buy my daughter bday presents. I bought $150 worth of bday stuff for her despite being without a car, job, or my own home. (They just kicked me out of my own place. No questions. No comments. No recourse. Nothing.). All I want to hear about is my daughters bday today but instead she starts talking about how her and the girls were watching a show on Ted Bundy and how she would have fallen for him. I told her Ted Bundy broke down into a blubbering pile of puss before his execution and that I wanted to hear about my daughters bday and that's it. She hung up on me. I feel like my life is a sick joke. I've just been wanting to be a part of and hear about my daughters bday today and nothing. Honestly, I'm thinking about cutting my own throat. Im tired of waiting for money and resources to come. It will be here on the 1st and I can get a car by the middle of next month and be out of here. However, I don't think I want to fix my life anymore. I want to die soon. Before I change my mind. Having time to reconsider is good but I've been pondering this suicide stuff for a long time now and I know that I will regret it later if I just don't do it. I wanted a partner and peaceful method but at this point I'm just thinking about grabbing his gun when noone is looking and going back into the woods where I have dug a hole already that I can blow my head off in or cut my throat. I think that the firearm is an easier method but I am pretty hardcore about physical pain and I think if I were able to use one of the times where I finally get angry bc I'm tired of being sad and I could use that anger to make one solid cut to my jugular vein. Quick. Then lean forward and experience death. I don't fear the cut or pain but I admit cutting the jugular is going to be sickening for me. I wish it was old day Japan and I could have someone else do it. Just decapitate me. Painless no but very quick.
Im really fucked. I have no other choice but to ctb.