M
mossyfox
Student
- Aug 4, 2021
- 129
I was worried about my shit performance and decided to tell one of my bosses about struggling with depression. I had a couple drinks first because I cold barely get it out. And then too much came out and he knows I've been thinking about ctb. I told him I was feeling better and over the peak because I was less suicidal.
But then he wanted to know if there were any next steps to take so I suggested moving me to a different shared office, leaving my current office mate where he's at. I really emphasized to leave my co-worker where he was because he has argued about paying his dues to get to his spot and his window view, etc and been angry about the idea of moving. I asked to have myself moved to a different office.
Because of this suggestion, I had to let another boss higher up and the boss higher up than that know that I have been very depressed. I didn't personally tell them about wanting to ctb.
The next day, the bosses told me that they are moving my office mate into another shared office and I am staying where I am already. Now my more senior co-worker was forced to move offices for reasons he was not privy to and I am alone in an office that's already isolated.
I feel even more alone and cut off from the group. And now how can my co-workers view me? It looks like I pulled strings to kick a senior employee out of nice office space for my advantage (I could move to his spot with the window view if I wanted and you could view having a two person office to yourself as a positive).
I couldn't stand to be at the office so I went home and didn't go in today either. Today an even more senior co-worker, who is the one who used to have an office to himself but now is sharing it with my old office mate called me to discuss work. He was angry and the phone picked up the sound of his hands exasperatedly hitting his desk as he talked. And he is a very calm, quiet person in the office. I don't want to go back at all.
Other things at home are still too much and I'm so tired of feeling so trapped in this shit. I just would be ok with one place to go for relief from shit for some hours, either work or home.
One of the bosses wants me to go somewhere if I feel like ctb again. But as everyone here knows, you still come back to real life, nothing changes that. Usually taking a 'retreat' if you can afford one causes more problems to pile up for when you return.
I don't like being dishonest, but I regret not coming up with a well fabricated lie for my shit performance while I was deeply thinking over how and if to ctb.
And now I'm almost back to where I was before as far as wanting to ctb. I can't focus on work and so all this discussion was fucking pointless.
But then he wanted to know if there were any next steps to take so I suggested moving me to a different shared office, leaving my current office mate where he's at. I really emphasized to leave my co-worker where he was because he has argued about paying his dues to get to his spot and his window view, etc and been angry about the idea of moving. I asked to have myself moved to a different office.
Because of this suggestion, I had to let another boss higher up and the boss higher up than that know that I have been very depressed. I didn't personally tell them about wanting to ctb.
The next day, the bosses told me that they are moving my office mate into another shared office and I am staying where I am already. Now my more senior co-worker was forced to move offices for reasons he was not privy to and I am alone in an office that's already isolated.
I feel even more alone and cut off from the group. And now how can my co-workers view me? It looks like I pulled strings to kick a senior employee out of nice office space for my advantage (I could move to his spot with the window view if I wanted and you could view having a two person office to yourself as a positive).
I couldn't stand to be at the office so I went home and didn't go in today either. Today an even more senior co-worker, who is the one who used to have an office to himself but now is sharing it with my old office mate called me to discuss work. He was angry and the phone picked up the sound of his hands exasperatedly hitting his desk as he talked. And he is a very calm, quiet person in the office. I don't want to go back at all.
Other things at home are still too much and I'm so tired of feeling so trapped in this shit. I just would be ok with one place to go for relief from shit for some hours, either work or home.
One of the bosses wants me to go somewhere if I feel like ctb again. But as everyone here knows, you still come back to real life, nothing changes that. Usually taking a 'retreat' if you can afford one causes more problems to pile up for when you return.
I don't like being dishonest, but I regret not coming up with a well fabricated lie for my shit performance while I was deeply thinking over how and if to ctb.
And now I'm almost back to where I was before as far as wanting to ctb. I can't focus on work and so all this discussion was fucking pointless.
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