Rainork
What a load of baloney
- Mar 17, 2023
- 99
Today is a week until my date, it's been an interesting time in making my preparations to be sure.
I've still got some bits to sort out- but a lot of it I'm having to leave until my date (such as bagging up all my clothes) to avoid alerting anyone of my plans.
I had my second from last session with my counsellor today and honestly it went a lot better than I thought- something I would like to share with everyone here, especially for anyone who hasn't ever had therapy or has only had bad experiences with it.
I will start off by saying- I've had some different counsellors over the years, some who felt like broken records always repeating the same textbook phrases that don't really help, some who I felt so diconnected from I could barely see the point in trying to talk to them, one who was convinced I had DID and eventually dismissed me (not the confirmed reason, but it seemed like she was convinced I had a manipulative alter who was lying about everything, complete guess work on my end but it was the vibe I got) and then my current counsellor- someone who I got assigned to through a charity originally but I felt so comfortable with her that I've been going to her since.
Now, in the past few weeks I've been holding up the same mask to my counsellor as I have to everyone else in my life.. the face of bettering myself, looking forward to the future and not being beaten down by my depression.
I attempted to start off today's session the same but couldn't find it in myself to keep up the act; this resulted in me barely talking for the first 25ish minutes of the session.
I eventually decided to test the waters so, as she finished up a comment about something around suicide (we'd been hoovering around it for a little while) I asked her what her stand is on people who have decided to kill themselves.
Honestly, her answer surprised me a little. She used to volunteer for the Samaritans and still holds a similar belief to them- that people should be able to make their own decisions regarding their life. Be ready to help if they ask for it (as she said she would always hope they would) but be there for them no matter what they decide. She also discussed her value of human life, that she will always hope for someone to choose to live and keep trying, but that ultimately that decision isn't hers to make. She did, of course, also talk about her right to care duty (I think it's called?) and that if I expressed anything that would indicate I'm a danger to myself or others, she would have no choice but to report me to someone. (I think all that would come from this is a welfare check, but I have been very careful with my wordings to avoid putting her in such a situation).
I hope she wouldn't mind me sharing this on here and honestly don't think she would as I know she'd agree with my reasoning to do so- if it means someone out there who's been too scared to talk to anyone decides to make an appointment and talk things through then it's worth it.
Please, don't be scared to talk to someone. Even if you don't want help, even if you're still going to ctb- if nothing else it might make your time on this planet a little more bearable.
You may not find the right person on your first try or even your second- but please also know that most places you can go (the ones I've been to anyway) will have the option for you to ask to change to a new therapist should you want to.
I haven't yet decided exactly how I will be at my last appointment next week but I'm not afraid to go to it anymore so that's something.
I've still got some bits to sort out- but a lot of it I'm having to leave until my date (such as bagging up all my clothes) to avoid alerting anyone of my plans.
I had my second from last session with my counsellor today and honestly it went a lot better than I thought- something I would like to share with everyone here, especially for anyone who hasn't ever had therapy or has only had bad experiences with it.
I will start off by saying- I've had some different counsellors over the years, some who felt like broken records always repeating the same textbook phrases that don't really help, some who I felt so diconnected from I could barely see the point in trying to talk to them, one who was convinced I had DID and eventually dismissed me (not the confirmed reason, but it seemed like she was convinced I had a manipulative alter who was lying about everything, complete guess work on my end but it was the vibe I got) and then my current counsellor- someone who I got assigned to through a charity originally but I felt so comfortable with her that I've been going to her since.
Now, in the past few weeks I've been holding up the same mask to my counsellor as I have to everyone else in my life.. the face of bettering myself, looking forward to the future and not being beaten down by my depression.
I attempted to start off today's session the same but couldn't find it in myself to keep up the act; this resulted in me barely talking for the first 25ish minutes of the session.
I eventually decided to test the waters so, as she finished up a comment about something around suicide (we'd been hoovering around it for a little while) I asked her what her stand is on people who have decided to kill themselves.
Honestly, her answer surprised me a little. She used to volunteer for the Samaritans and still holds a similar belief to them- that people should be able to make their own decisions regarding their life. Be ready to help if they ask for it (as she said she would always hope they would) but be there for them no matter what they decide. She also discussed her value of human life, that she will always hope for someone to choose to live and keep trying, but that ultimately that decision isn't hers to make. She did, of course, also talk about her right to care duty (I think it's called?) and that if I expressed anything that would indicate I'm a danger to myself or others, she would have no choice but to report me to someone. (I think all that would come from this is a welfare check, but I have been very careful with my wordings to avoid putting her in such a situation).
I hope she wouldn't mind me sharing this on here and honestly don't think she would as I know she'd agree with my reasoning to do so- if it means someone out there who's been too scared to talk to anyone decides to make an appointment and talk things through then it's worth it.
Please, don't be scared to talk to someone. Even if you don't want help, even if you're still going to ctb- if nothing else it might make your time on this planet a little more bearable.
You may not find the right person on your first try or even your second- but please also know that most places you can go (the ones I've been to anyway) will have the option for you to ask to change to a new therapist should you want to.
I haven't yet decided exactly how I will be at my last appointment next week but I'm not afraid to go to it anymore so that's something.
Last edited:
