Today's the day.

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I will be getting 1 gram of Fentanyl in a few hours from the plug I mentioned on the weekend. As little as 2 milligrams can be fatal and I will be snorting as much of the full gram as I can before passing out. I've taken 8mg Codeine pills for migraines for years, but that's nowhere near enough tolerance to save me from even a few milligrams of Fentanyl. I will eat before taking it and lie flat on my back in bed--if I vomit and inhale it, all the more insurance that I'll die. My last meal will be one of my favorite fast food cheeseburgers and a slice of cookies and cream cake from a local bakery.

I'll wait until my landlady [who lives upstairs] leaves for work. She works for 8-10 hours and comes home after I go to sleep She can go days without talking to me, so I'm certain I won't be disturbed. Even when she does knock on my door, I'm often asleep [or fake that I am] and she simply goes away if I don't answer. What's left of my disability check will be left on the table beside me [in cash], to pay for disposal of my items and replacing the bed.

I've written my suicide note and will put it in a scheduled e-mail that will send to my best friend in 2 days. In addition to the note, I'm giving them the passwords to my social media so they can post my suicide note for my other friends to see. I've given them a list of people to tag/DM on social media and Discord to tell them about my suicide. I've asked them to inform my landlady and given them her e-mail and phone number, since she likely won't have found me by that point. I've asked that all of my non-perishable food be donated to the local foodbank.

It's entirely unintentional, and I didn't realize until going through my FB memories today. But today's the day my father died in 2009. Both of my parents are dead. The only family I know are my half-brother and two aunts, but I haven't spoken to any of them in years. They are on the list of people I'm asking my best friend to contact.

I will comment/update when I have the Fentanyl in my possession.

 

[tilsleepcomes]

This is my likely method, too, but with street bought.

I had already bought a batch to CTB with, but when I tested it in front of my source, at his suggestion, I overdosed and almost died, losing my F to the cops who attended with the ambulance. Apparently I hit a hot spot of too much F.

When I accidentally hit that lethal dose, it was like suddenly being very drunk, and the switch from conscious to overdose was not gradual. It was surprisingly fast. Like two minutes.

Are you using anything else with it?

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

I hope I will soon find the same courage as you and ctb too.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find freedom from your suffering. Best wishes.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

This is my likely method, too, but with street bought.

I had already bought a batch to CTB with, but when I tested it in front of my source, at his suggestion, I overdosed and almost died, losing my F to the cops who attended with the ambulance. Apparently I hit a hot spot of too much F.

When I accidentally hit that lethal dose, it was like suddenly being very drunk, and the switch from conscious to overdose was not gradual. It was surprisingly fast. Like two minutes.

Are you using anything else with it?

Well, I suppose mine's still street bought. It's from a local dealer that I've added on Telegram, they're delivering it to my house personally.

I am only taking the Fentanyl likely. Though if I'm nervous, I may drink a beer beforehand.

 

[tilsleepcomes]

The scheduled email with passwords for social media is a really good idea. I think you can schedule twitter and other blogging posts, too, like through their phone apps.

When my best friend passed from an accidental OD, people didn't know and kept wishing happy bday and stuff on his social media and FB. Having someone go in an announce, or a scheduled post, makes a lot of sense for us who are going to CTB.

About not being found, and the land lady- When I had my OD, I went into convulsions. I don't know if that is normal, but apparently I thrashed about and messed up the guy's place. It was not a quiet almost-exit. So I might lay on the floor if I do it indoors, to avoid flying off the bed or knocking into things.

I am only taking the Fentanyl likely. Though if I'm nervous, I may drink a beer beforehand.

Alcohol is a CNS depressant and amplifies the opioid effects, like suppression of breathing, which is the mechanism by which we expire on F.

Alcohol and pills is a pretty common cause of OD and resulting deaths. Or, at least it used to be.

I worry that if I take JUST F, I might survive it and be a veggie, deaf, and/or brain damaged.

 

[wljourney]

Oh wow, just found your post and am sorry to see you go but happy to hear that you are feeling good about your plan and you seem in a good place to go.
Wishing you only the best for today and forever.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Oh wow, just found your post and am sorry to see you go but happy to hear that you are feeling good about your plan and you seem in a good place to go.
Wishing you only the best for today and forever.

I definitely feel at peace with my decision. About an hour or so until I have the Fentanyl in hand.

Want to say thanks for all the info you've been providing to the forum about these N seizures and LE visits, BTW.

 

[wljourney]

I definitely feel at peace with my decision. About an hour or so until I have the Fentanyl in hand.

Want to say thanks for all the info you've been providing to the forum about these N seizures and LE visits, BTW.

Aww thank you. I know a few people are unhappy about the range of details shared in the forum. But I think it helps many others to assess their own risk, so I'll keep going as I can.

I can imagine how excited you are and also the relief once it's there. I'm still amazed by how one can even FIND a dealer I know there are some around here too. Must be. But I wouldn't even know where to begin! Maybe at Walmart?

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Aww thank you. I know a few people are unhappy about the range of details shared in the forum. But I think it helps many others to assess their own risk, so I'll keep going as I can.

I can imagine how excited you are and also the relief once it's there. I'm still amazed by how one can even FIND a dealer I know there are some around here too. Must be. But I wouldn't even know where to begin! Maybe at Walmart?

It's an incredible relief. My original plan was the Night Night method, but I like the idea of Fentanyl much more.

 

[Nirrend]

I wish you peace <3

 

[Poor Stargazer]

All of the best on your journey!

 

[lexiahhs]

do you guys recommend this? is there a high chance of failure and can you be saved? do you know how long it might take? sorry for all the questions, i think i might try to do this method, i just asked my plug if they happen to have any. no reply but if i can get my hands on some how much would i need and how can i ingest it? im a 5'4 111 lb female for reference.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

do you guys recommend this? is there a high chance of failure and can you be saved? do you know how long it might take? sorry for all the questions, i think i might try to do this method, i just asked my plug if they happen to have any. no reply but if i can get my hands on some how much would i need and how can i ingest it? im a 5'4 111 lb female for reference.

As little as 2mg can be fatal to many people, but I'm getting a full gram. If you don't want to shoot it into a vein, I would recommend snorting it, it has a high biolavailability through that route.

I used this to learn how to snort properly:

 

[lexiahhs]

As little as 2mg can be fatal to many people, but I'm getting a full gram. If you don't want to shoot it into a vein, I would recommend snorting it, it has a high biolavailability through that route.

I used this to learn how to snort properly:

is it possible for me to just ingest it through my mouth? mixed with a small amount of water or anything? i dont think im gonna br good at snorting and dont want to waste any of it

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

is it possible for me to just ingest it through my mouth? mixed with a small amount of water or anything? i dont think im gonna br good at snorting and dont want to waste any of it

Oral bioavailability is about 50% whereas snorting is ~80%. You absorb much less of the drug orally. But if you must, don't swallow it--sublingual or in your gums.

 

[Circles]

I don't have the words, I'm sad to see you go. I remember interacting with you over the past year and how you gave me advice especially when I wanted to come out as bi. I understand and hope whatever happens you can find the peace and relief you couldn't find in this existence. Thank you for the love and help you've shared on here. Truly wish you peace and I'm sorry that it's come to this.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Landlady's leaving for work a bit late [should've been ~45 minutes ago, but will be shortly] but I confirmed she is going. Had a plausible reason to ask why her truck is still here/check if she's going to work.

 

[Achlys]

We have not interacted much, but I have appreciated your presence in the short time I have been a member here. I wish you the best, and safe travels.

 

[Judy Garland]

I hope you have a peaceful journey.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

do you guys recommend this? is there a high chance of failure and can you be saved? do you know how long it might take? sorry for all the questions, i think i might try to do this method, i just asked my plug if they happen to have any. no reply but if i can get my hands on some how much would i need and how can i ingest it? im a 5'4 111 lb female for reference.

Since no one has said it, yet, yes there is a chance of failure, mainly because you can be saved with Narcan should someone find you and call a rescue squad. Best bet is to not be found for quite some time.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

whatever happens, I hope you find what you seek.
if u need to vent, feel free to write here or pm

godspeed.

 

[Judy Garland]

I just want to add, and I hope this helps but the cake is not a lie. We will all get our cake when we are gone from this world. You can even have Glados make it for you if you want. I hope you're feeling ok. I know what it's like to be in despair. I'm in despair all the time. Best wishes on your journey, no matter where it takes you.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I wish you luck on your journey! I don't know where we go from here, but it's back to the earth from which we came

Happy travels!

 

[want2dienow]

I appreciated your input on my last method—thank you.

 

[tilsleepcomes]

As little as 2mg can be fatal to many people, but I'm getting a full gram. If you don't want to shoot it into a vein, I would recommend snorting it, it has a high biolavailability through that route.

I'm going with overkill, too. When I tested my CTB batch and ODed, it was 0.05 grams that almost killed me as I hit a hot spot, I figure. Could also be just that potent to someone who doesn't use it, not sure.

I hope you find peace, fellow traveller. I don't normally comment on these kinds of threads, but you seem level-headed and are about to experience what I am going to go through as well.

I hope things go well, and all your planning and prep works out.

 

[lexiahhs]

what should a reason be for my plug whos asking why i want it? if i say im gonna use it to ctb i have a high feeling hes gonna stop selling me anything ar all and not get the fent either. anything else sounds suspicious if i use it on someone

 

[Insomniac]

I'm used to seeing you so I feel a bit sad.

Godspeed.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Well, today is not the day. My plug is out, but hopefully by the weekend.

Will keep this updated.

 

[Poor Stargazer]

I am sorry your plans fell through. All of the best!