Largeletters
Alone
- Jan 21, 2020
- 640
Today's the day.
If I don't do it I will feel like a royal fucking failure, so let's hope I don't screw this one up. I will be typing out my main suicide note below. Thank you to all those who provided solace and a listening ear for my time on SS. I wish you all the best.
My suicide note written August 15th, 2021:
The action I'm about to take is not due to one person or event, but rather, a buildup of people's wrongdoings and these events. It seems like I do not have a long, peaceful moment. Mostly I'm tired of shit always going wrong or fucking up. As I write this note for the millionth and hopefully final time, I am trying not to dwell on the past. Instead, I think about the potential of the future. I do not think there will ever be much difference. Why should I spend the rest of my natural life being depressed and suicidal? I feel happiness for brief moments but it is always overshadowed with darkness. No one can save me. Even if I make steps to better myself or my life, there is always a thought in my brain that says, "I don't want to do this tomorrow." People try to convince me that someday things will be better but I've lost hope in that. There are good things in my life but I simply can't go on anymore. This is not just a choice, but almost an obligation. There are certain people who contributed to this partial decision but ultimately it is because of me. There is nothing that can be done about this. There is no solution for me. This is the only path. May God and everyone forgive me. What people need to know is this is an act of complete desperation and hopelessness. I could write out my entire life story or a comprehensive list of why I am dying prematurely but I bet even then people will say, "he had no reason to do it." Others do not understand. I don't know how to live. Not for the future, for anyone else, for me, etc. I know I've caused people pain and will do so again by completing suicide. I want (family and friends' names) to know I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused and am causing. I have never wanted to hurt others and never did it on purpose. I wish I could have been a better son and person to know. I wish everything hadn't come to this, but I have realized my state of mind is nothing that can be fixed. I sort of feel like I am forever broken, destroyed and damaged. I do not believe I would have gotten better if I had stayed alive and I also hold up to my long-hel belief that my suicide was inevitable. It has not been a matter of if, but when.
Thank you if you have read that entire thing. Goodbye.
If I don't do it I will feel like a royal fucking failure, so let's hope I don't screw this one up. I will be typing out my main suicide note below. Thank you to all those who provided solace and a listening ear for my time on SS. I wish you all the best.
My suicide note written August 15th, 2021:
The action I'm about to take is not due to one person or event, but rather, a buildup of people's wrongdoings and these events. It seems like I do not have a long, peaceful moment. Mostly I'm tired of shit always going wrong or fucking up. As I write this note for the millionth and hopefully final time, I am trying not to dwell on the past. Instead, I think about the potential of the future. I do not think there will ever be much difference. Why should I spend the rest of my natural life being depressed and suicidal? I feel happiness for brief moments but it is always overshadowed with darkness. No one can save me. Even if I make steps to better myself or my life, there is always a thought in my brain that says, "I don't want to do this tomorrow." People try to convince me that someday things will be better but I've lost hope in that. There are good things in my life but I simply can't go on anymore. This is not just a choice, but almost an obligation. There are certain people who contributed to this partial decision but ultimately it is because of me. There is nothing that can be done about this. There is no solution for me. This is the only path. May God and everyone forgive me. What people need to know is this is an act of complete desperation and hopelessness. I could write out my entire life story or a comprehensive list of why I am dying prematurely but I bet even then people will say, "he had no reason to do it." Others do not understand. I don't know how to live. Not for the future, for anyone else, for me, etc. I know I've caused people pain and will do so again by completing suicide. I want (family and friends' names) to know I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused and am causing. I have never wanted to hurt others and never did it on purpose. I wish I could have been a better son and person to know. I wish everything hadn't come to this, but I have realized my state of mind is nothing that can be fixed. I sort of feel like I am forever broken, destroyed and damaged. I do not believe I would have gotten better if I had stayed alive and I also hold up to my long-hel belief that my suicide was inevitable. It has not been a matter of if, but when.
Thank you if you have read that entire thing. Goodbye.
