Todays the day.

[brokeandbroken]

This is the second message of this kind. Unlike the previous time. I tied my hands. I had money I could use before. Not much. But enough for some time in a hotel. Today that money is extinguished. So unless a miracle occurs I will be hanging myself in the Forrest today. I don't want to die I feel rather forced into it to be honest. That said those who know my story also know I haven't received anything in the way of meaningful help. So this is the logical conclusion to my unfortunate story. I'm going to sleep for a few hours while I have the room. Then spend some time at various places like Starbucks or something. Then towards the evening head into the Forrest and catch the bus. Here's to hoping for a miracle and ultimately finding peace.

 

[komori]

I truly hope you find solace in your decision. Adieu.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I truly hope you find solace in your decision. Adieu.

Unfortunately, the decision is out of my hands. I can't control whether or not I get help unfortunately. In the absence of it. If you read what happened it would make sense. But I've been abandoned by literally everyone. Without help I will hang myself it's better then the alternatives.

 

[Some place nice]

I hope you finally find peace. Good luck

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

So sorry you are in this dreadful situation. Yet, I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
May you find peace and release from suffering.

 

[brokeandbroken]

So sorry you are in this dreadful situation. Yet, I wish you luck in whatever you decide.
May you find peace and release from suffering.

Like I tried to say I'm out of money and options. There is no real choice. It is warmer tonight to be fair. But death by the eventual cold/starvation is so much worse. Meaning there is no choice. Again don't want to kill myself but I've done all I can do.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I feel with you bc in my case I also might have to CTB bc of similar issues sooner or later although I may not really want to die. And it's only a logical conclusion and consequence to avoid further pain and suffering. I'm sorry you have to go through that.

I hope you find peace & freedom, safe travels and good luck!

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. I feel with you bc in my case I also might have to CTB bc of similar issues sooner or later although I may not really want to die. And it's only a logical conclusion and consequence to avoid further pain and suffering. I'm sorry you have to go through that.

I hope you find peace & freedom, safe travels and good luck!

To be honest. It feels hollow. I can't describe it any other way. 20 months ago I was in medical school. I was the victim of crimes. And I've been abandoned left to die a penniless painful death. No meaning. Nothing special left behind. No family that loves me. My parents especially. Nothing at all. I still have the burning desire to be successful. To have a family. To have a wife kids and everything else. But it isn't possible least not in the realm of reason.

Countless people could have saved me. Stopped my descent and got the ball moving back up hill. Instead they let it fall to the bottom so they could move a slot. I want to be saved so bad. Unfortunately it just never came.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

To be honest. It feels hollow. I can't describe it any other way. 20 months ago I was in medical school. I was the victim of crimes. And I've been abandoned left to die a penniless painful death. No meaning. Nothing special left behind. No family that loves me. My parents especially. Nothing at all. I still have the burning desire to be successful. To have a family. To have a wife kids and everything else. But it isn't possible least not in the realm of reason.

Countless people could have saved me. Stopped my descent and got the ball moving back up hill. Instead they let it fall to the bottom so they could move a slot. I want to be saved so bad. Unfortunately it just never came.

Reading this is heartbreaking. I remember your thread you posted yesterday. I really wish I could help somehow.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Reading this is heartbreaking. I remember your thread you posted yesterday. I really wish I could help somehow.

I get you don't know my life. But I was relatively close with my family or so I thought. My parents are pretty well off. So are other members in my family. Why did they all abandon me? Leave for me for dead essentially? No fight at all. Literally. Instead of rolling over they rolled me over and just gave up for me. I've never seen a group of people fight less hard for anything. I don't understand. They won't even tell me either.

I get why the US government did. I'm nothing to them. Literally. They want people to think they care so much but they don't most would murder and torture their mother if it benefitted them. Me. Pft. They don't give a fuck. I'm worthless to them.

 

[deadbody]

May you find peace.

 

[Hanger2000]

I am in a similar situation I have no father, my mom it's just there nothing special still the earthling the I appreciate the most and hate at the same time, never had a girlfriend, no money, no time. But I have very very very very clear the reason why I want to CTB and that reason is... I want to leave this flesh prison body it's just that... I don't even care If I fail and end up in a very bad state... I will just be one step closer to CTB

 

[brokeandbroken]

I am in a similar situation I have no father, my mom it's just there nothing special still the earthling the I appreciate the most and hate at the same time, never had a girlfriend, no money, no time. But I have very very very very clear the reason why I want to CTB and that reason is... I want to leave this flesh prison body it's just that... I don't even care If I fail and end up in a very bad state... I will just be one step closer to CTB

I hope you find peace.

 

[why am i alive?]

If u don't want to die then consider running away there are multiple options. I don't know ur story but if u don't want to die DONT do it

 

[brokeandbroken]

If u don't want to die then consider running away there are multiple options. I don't know ur story but if u don't want to die DONT do it

To where? I have too much debt.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

I don't want to die I feel rather forced into it to be honest.

I know this may seem naive... but don't give up if you want to live. If you still have dreams and goals.
Maybe you need to get through this hard moment.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Man, I get what you're saying. I'm sorry your life has come to this, I hope whether it be in life or death, you find peace.

 

[why am i alive?]

To where? I have too much debt.

I don't know if u can't find another way than I wish u to rest in piece.
But nor wanting to die and then doing ctb is horrible for u so I hope u find a way where u can be happy

 

[Cress]

You should never Feel forced to catch the bus. Surely there's options that we can use to keep fighting If you truly desire to do so. I would of course always respect your decision to take off if that's what you wanted but in this case it sounds like you truly desire to live. I don't Know what country you live in but is there anything you can do to sign up for social services? I live in the US And if you need any help or advice on what to look for please don't hesitate to reach out.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I know this may seem naive... but don't give up if you want to live. If you still have dreams and goals.
Maybe you need to get through this hard moment.

I don't have the ability to reach them anymore. They were stolen from me. I've fought like crazy for 20 months for any opportunity and none came. I took out debt to go to undergrad and medical school. Unfortunately in medical I was the victim of crimes and illegally forced out. Everyone who ever supported me just abandoned me. No fight. No telling me im wrong. Just gone. I have no money I'm homeless. My fight is over.

Man, I get what you're saying. I'm sorry your life has come to this, I hope whether it be in life or death, you find peace.

Thank you.

I don't know if u can't find another way than I wish u to rest in piece.
But nor wanting to die and then doing ctb is horrible for u so I hope u find a way where u can be happy

I can't I tried. I needed help and never got it. Me too thank you.

You should never Feel forced to catch the bus. Surely there's options that we can use to keep fighting If you truly desire to do so. I would of course always respect your decision to take off if that's what you wanted but in this case it sounds like you truly desire to live. I don't Know what country you live in but is there anything you can do to sign up for social services? I live in the US And if you need any help or advice on what to look for please don't hesitate to reach out.

I do want to live so badly. Unfortunately, all choices were taken from me. It's better then spending the winter homeless alone in Minnesota. My future is gone and there is nothing I can do. I fought hard. Unfortunately I fought alone.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

@brokeandbroken
I'm very sorry about yours situation.
Have you ever thought about moving to California at least temporarily? There has a warm climate for winter. And perhaps you can find organizations there that can help.
Sorry if I offended you or said something stupid.

 

[brokeandbroken]

@brokeandbroken
I'm very sorry about yours situation.
Have you ever thought about moving to California at least temporarily? There has a warm climate for winter. And perhaps you can find organizations there that can help.
Sorry if I offended you or said something stupid.

I have no way of getting there. And honestly I have literally no support system. Combined with my debt warm climate or not there isn't hope. I applied to hundreds of jobs... End of the day. I don't have the will for it at this point honestly. As much as I want to live it doesn't seem like anyone wants me to or is willing to fight for me to. I just give up I guess. I'm tired of fighting. Especially when it doesn't seem to make any difference.

 

[backformore]

if you take yourself to the police and tell them what your plans are, they can get you off the street for at least a night. You can also enlist into the military (if you could bear it) where they will give you support, structure and fraternity. Take yourself into a church and tell them you're at the very end of your tether.

There are always options, but only you can make the choice. We're here for you whatever you decide

Do your family know you're literally about to die? They might feel differently if they did.

 

[brokeandbroken]

if you take yourself to the police and tell them what your plans are, they can get you off the street for at least a night. You can also enlist into the military (if you could bear it) where they will give you support, structure and fraternity. Take yourself into a church and tell them you're at the very end of your tether.

There are always options, but only you can make the choice. We're here for you whatever you decide

Do your family know you're literally about to die? They might feel differently if they did.

I've been to the psych ward they don't give a shit. The police don't care. I'm sure they already know honestly. They knew in a couple cities over I'd be surprised if they didn't here. My family literally doesnt care. I've tried every avenue and everything possible this is my only option besides sleeping under a bridge and honestly. I'm tired.

I actually inquired about the military they said because i was on wellbutrin as a result of losing everything I couldn't enlist. I'd have to wait 3 years. And honestly why would I fight for a country at this point who won't fight for me. My uncles a pastor he doesn't give a shit. I went to a different church they didn't really care either.

As an aside I'm on my phone outside... I'm having a rough time typing my apologies.

 

[Cress]

I don't have the ability to reach them anymore. They were stolen from me. I've fought like crazy for 20 months for any opportunity and none came. I took out debt to go to undergrad and medical school. Unfortunately in medical I was the victim of crimes and illegally forced out. Everyone who ever supported me just abandoned me. No fight. No telling me im wrong. Just gone. I have no money I'm homeless. My fight is over.

Thank you.

I can't I tried. I needed help and never got it. Me too thank you.

I do want to live so badly. Unfortunately, all choices were taken from me. It's better then spending the winter homeless alone in Minnesota. My future is gone and there is nothing I can do. I fought hard. Unfortunately I fought alone.

https://mn.gov/dhs/people-we-serve/adults/economic-assistance/housing/ Have you tried contacting any organizations in Minnesota or in your area? In addition to DHS stuff there's always all sorts of nonprofit organizations that help out the community in various ways. One such organization was able to save me And provide me with a place to live. Although I am based out of Illinois or I would be directing you to that organization to see if they could help you

 

[chasm]

That sucks hope you find some peace.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I've followed your story from previous posts. Life is a complete roll of the dice, flip of the coin or whatever term you want to apply to complete randomness. Hard work might result in great things or it might result in shit. The ones that it works out for believe that if you work hard you will succeed. They don't realize it is all chance, other people work just as hard and get fucked for no apparent reason. I hate this for you. Especially having to CTB against your own will. I also want to live, but I know I must kill myself before I want to. I wish you good fortune in whatever you choose.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I've followed your story from previous posts. Life is a complete roll of the dice, flip of the coin or whatever term you want to apply to complete randomness. Hard work might result in great things or it might result in shit. The ones that it works out for believe that if you work hard you will succeed. They don't realize it is all chance, other people work just as hard and get fucked for no apparent reason. I hate this for you. Especially having to CTB against your own will. I also want to live, but I know I must kill myself before I want to. I wish you good fortune in whatever you choose.

I don't know what to say... So I'm going to tell the honest to God truth. I gave people one more shot. I did everything in my plan. Except I couldn't find the right tree/area stump I was planning on finding. I got unbearably lonely. So I called the lawyer I have for commitment asking if he had any advice on getting my life back together... which resulted in me calling my social worker/ambulance and I'm in the hospital currently. I'm hoping this stays results in some meaning in life or reason to live. Because currently I have none. I want to be dead so bad. But I also don't want to die. I feel like a fraud here (irony alert) in all honesty which makes me hate myself even more. But you all here are the closest thing I have to friends/community.

https://mn.gov/dhs/people-we-serve/adults/economic-assistance/housing/ Have you tried contacting any organizations in Minnesota or in your area? In addition to DHS stuff there's always all sorts of nonprofit organizations that help out the community in various ways. One such organization was able to save me And provide me with a place to live. Although I am based out of Illinois or I would be directing you to that organization to see if they could help you

Honestly, I just lack the drive or will or whatever to make something happen. I literally don't have a reason to live at all. I'm hoping it's found in this stay. If not I have no idea.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't know what to say... So I'm going to tell the honest to God truth. I gave people one more shot. I did everything in my plan. Except I couldn't find the right tree/area stump I was planning on finding. I got unbearably lonely. So I called the lawyer I have for commitment asking if he had any advice on getting my life back together... which resulted in me calling my social worker/ambulance and I'm in the hospital currently. I'm hoping this stays results in some meaning in life or reason to live. Because currently I have none. I want to be dead so bad. But I also don't want to die. I feel like a fraud here (irony alert) in all honesty which makes me hate myself even more. But you all here are the closest thing I have to friends/community.

Honestly, I just lack the drive or will or whatever to make something happen. I literally don't have a reason to live at all. I'm hoping it's found in this stay. If not I have no idea.

It sounds like the right decision to me. No one should CTB against their will- because they feel forced to. If people want help- it should be out there. I really hope it does help this time. Sadly though- I expect you will have to continue to fight against the wrongs that have been done to you. You'll have to keep reminding people in the hopes someone will help you fight your cause. Sadly, this world is shit. Think of the people wrongly sent to prison for years! I imagine only some of them catch public opinion enough where rulings are overturned but even then- it doesn't always work. For some people, the world is so incredibly unfair. I guess all we are left with are the appeals procedures and hope that things will one day be set right. I really hope these people can and will help you.

 

[Kit1]

I don't know what to say... So I'm going to tell the honest to God truth. I gave people one more shot. I did everything in my plan. Except I couldn't find the right tree/area stump I was planning on finding. I got unbearably lonely. So I called the lawyer I have for commitment asking if he had any advice on getting my life back together... which resulted in me calling my social worker/ambulance and I'm in the hospital currently. I'm hoping this stays results in some meaning in life or reason to live. Because currently I have none. I want to be dead so bad. But I also don't want to die. I feel like a fraud here (irony alert) in all honesty which makes me hate myself even more. But you all here are the closest thing I have to friends/community.

Honestly, I just lack the drive or will or whatever to make something happen. I literally don't have a reason to live at all. I'm hoping it's found in this stay. If not I have no idea.

I am so glad that you reached out for support and this is the right decision for you right now. No one should ctb when they are not 100% sure and every human being deserves to be happy - you deserve to be happy. Even if there is a glimmer of hope, it is worth exploring.

Please do not feel like a fraud for being part of this community. We are all travelling our own separate journeys, but have some common shared challenges - hence we look out for each other and want the best for each other. There is kinship in isolation, betrayal and the life challenges that we face. Youa re not alone in how you feel - I, for one, have been in a similar posirlition where I have pulled back so many times. So please remember that we are here for as long as you need us.

I wish you all the best with what is happening now and hope that you get all the support that you rightfully need and deserve. Hope everything goes well. Take care.