i hate it when this happens... when i have finally said my goodbyes, then come back afterwards declaring the failure... embarrassing. although i appreciate what i came back to, that there were people sending me away with love. i failed my attempt this time because... i didn't expect what i saw in the place i rented. the apartment was the definition of peaceful and quiet, it was beautiful... and i thought it was a perfect environment to die with. even when you rent far from the city there'd still be residents, it just so happened that they were out of town and the landlady also had to leave. every store was closed, glad i got a couple cigs with me. there were just tall trees everywhere and a river, all i heard were birds, i admired the view and thought i'd light a final cigarette. i found myself sitting in the balcony for hours, somehow the emptiness was filled with something... i didnt realize my time was up, and had to check out in a couple hours. when i snapped back into reality, no matter how filled i felt that day.. how amazing that escape felt. where im going back to would be pure hell. and that was just a moment my brain felt stable because i was about to kms... out of desperation i ran to the noose i prepared and hung myself, but i had 4 hours left, but my goal was to hang 8 hours before check-out to avoid resuscitation. alive and kicking while typing this now, i was damn right. anyways...cheers to another attempt on the 6th.. im thinking of coals.
full suspension
