Today is the day!

[failedjedi]

My SN hopefully arrived. I can see a small package in mailmans hand when he walked by my security camera!

I'm finishing my shift at work. Which is bitter sweet because I do like the people I work with and it's such an odd feeling knowing I'm going to be gone in a few hours and they have no idea.

We are about 4 hours away from taking the prerequisites and about 4.5 to 5 from taking the SN.

I'm so excited. I'm still debating writing a new letter to my mom that's a little different just in case I end up surviving for whatever reason, but I'm pretty happy with the letter I wrote after ordering the SN.

If all goes to plan I'll be found about 2 hours after drinking it. I hope that's enough time to actually be gone.

I just can't get over the excitement. My last 2 attempts still took a ton of courage to actually follow through. But I don't have that nervousness or doubt this time. Just pure excitement. After the aftermath of my last 2 it only confirmed I have no one and this is the right decision. I wish the other times would have shown me how much people do care, but it showed me the opposite. I can't freaking wait.

My biggest thing is this place has been such a resource in just the few days since I found it so I want to try to keep people informed as much as I can. Not about me but the process. There seems to be mixed messages on how common headache or stomach pain is and such. So if possible I want to try to provide as much info about the experience as I can before I'm gone.

I just hope to finally find peace. I'm perfectly fine with a little pain or discomfort if it's brief and I'm gone fast.

 

[Huntfish34]

Thoughts and prayers are with you,. Sorry to hear all of that. .

 

[Nature_is_God]

I'm happy you aren't feeling scared or incredibly nervous. Hope you find liberation, you brave one.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Hope you find the peace whis world couldn't give you. I wish you the best

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[TheQ22]

Goodnight, Sweet Prince.

Unless you wake up in the hospital, in which case " 'Ow Do ya want ya eggs? Slimey or like a lump of rubber?" [lady asking, with fag hanging out of gob and big spoon in her hand she used to dump a large dollop of porridge on your plate for your delicious breakfast. Unless you're not in the UK, in which case you won't get an NHS breakfast special]

 

[Greenberg]

May you find the peace that you have been seeking but always out of reach here on Earth.

 

[BetterInthanOut]

I hope things work out, whatever you decide

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I never had the chance to know you. I wish you peace whatever you decide. I'm so very sorry you haven't been able to find it yet...

 

[BPD Barbie]

Good luck on your journey, I'm hoping the transition is smooth and peaceful for you. Sending love

 

[failedjedi]

I have everything setup. I'm waiting on a family member to come over and pick something up ( I forgot this was happening, thankfully they texted me to remind me, otherwise I would have risked them finding me). I wrote a new letter to my mom that was a little more vague just in case I survive or something happens. My journal that no one will find unless they are going through my stuff after death explains everything anyway. On my table next to my bed I have all the pre SN pills ready to go, my note, 3 glasses with the appropriate amount of water to add the SN too and of course the SN itself. Making 3 doses just in case I puke too quick I'm ready to go. I have my iPad propped up doing a slideshow of my love. I also have a bucket in case I have to vomit. Hopefully I won't. Once my family member leaves which should be shortly, I can start the pregame then just wait for the main event.

I really want to thank everyone here. I've only been 2 days (reading for about 4) but it's been amazing!!!!! To find a place that is so helpful is great. I didn't even know about SN until here. I don't know what my next attempt would have been or how it would have worked out. Not to mention how great it is to connect with people that just understand. I'm so sick of everyone else thinking every life is automatically worth living and trying to help. I don't want help. I can't be helped. I just want people to understand, and everyone here does. I just wish society did.....

 

[checkouttime]

Where did you order your SN from? Did you find out where to get it from off here??

 

[Deathbydemo]

I understand your pain. I hope you find peace on the other side, my friend. Have a safe journey.

 

[failedjedi]

Where did you order your SN from? Did you find out where to get it from off here??

I'm in the US so things seem way different than the rest of the world. But here we can literally buy it from almost anywhere. It's SUPER easy to find and order. It's completely legal and unrestricted. I can just google it and find a 10lb tub in like 10 seconds.

 

[Deathbydemo]

Where did you order your SN from? Did you find out where to get it from off here??

Where are you from?

 

[failedjedi]

Still excited not nervous. Fasting is harder than it sounds. Especially when it wasn't planned. I'm so hungry. I haven't eaten since dinner last night (it's almost dinner time again here right now), and I haven't had anything to drink in like 11 hours now. I feel fine on the thirst front, but I'm so hungry. Anyway back on topic about to take the pregame stuff. Give or take another hour for the SN!

 

[islima]

You are brave. We are with you.

 

[rt1989526]

Best of luck to you. I hope it works for you, and works for me soon.

 

[Infinite Conscious]

Isn't anyone going to mention that only 2 hours could not be enough?
If you vomit once, take a 2nd glass... it takes time for the body to irreversibly die.

And SN is very easily reversed/nullified in the hospital, especially when they know/read the cause.

Couldn't you secure some more time for yourself? Other location?

 

[failedjedi]

Isn't anyone going to mention that only 2 hours could not be enough?
If you vomit once, take a 2nd glass... it takes time for the body to irreversibly die.

And SN is very easily reversed/nullified in the hospital, especially when they know/read the cause.

Couldn't you secure some more time for yourself? Other location?

Will a doctor be able to tell right away? Like 2 hours, probably closer to 2.5, plus then time for an ambulance to show up, get me to the hospital, a doctor to try to start to figure it out, could be closer to what 3 or 3.5 before they even try to treat me if I'm still alive.

I'm not too worried about it. If I wake up in the hospital I'll do my week in the psych ward and try again. It wouldn't be the first time I've got out of the psych ward and tried again the same day.

 

[rt1989526]

Sorry but you will likely be found, and maybe saved. You need to give yourself like 8 hours to ensure you ctb.

 

[Infinite Conscious]

Will a doctor be able to tell right away? Like 2 hours, probably closer to 2.5, plus then time for an ambulance to show up, get me to the hospital, a doctor to try to start to figure it out, could be closer to what 3 or 3.5 before they even try to treat me if I'm still alive.

I'm not too worried about it. If I wake up in the hospital I'll do my week in the psych ward and try again. It wouldn't be the first time I've got out of the psych ward and tried again the same day.

Well, you know the best.
Good luck and hope there is no reincarnation. ;)
I truly envy you, even though I still believe a 2 hours window is playing with fire and we might see you again.
For those of us who are unable to get the poison or a gun, other traditional methods are a nightmare.
Hope you succeed. Safe journey.

 

[failedjedi]

Sorry but you will likely be found, and maybe saved. You need to give yourself like 8 hours to ensure you ctb.

Well I'm still going for it. About to take the antacid, then it's just a matter of time.

 

[rt1989526]

Well I'm still going for it. About to take the antacid, then it's just a matter of time.

Wishing you peace my friend. If you can describe how you feel at all after ingesting that would be great for the community.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

Isn't anyone going to mention that only 2 hours could not be enough?
If you vomit once, take a 2nd glass... it takes time for the body to irreversibly die.

And SN is very easily reversed/nullified in the hospital, especially when they know/read the cause.

Couldn't you secure some more time for yourself? Other location?

I agree Infinite. I am holding out for 8-12 hours if I have to go that route.

 

[whywere]

LOVE and peace to you. hope your journey is safe and peaceful,. i am so sorry that it has come to this you seem to be such a lovely person. Happy trails to you!

 

[failedjedi]

Grossest taste in the world. Pure salt. Feel fine after about a minute so far.

 

[harmonica]

Grossest taste in the world. Pure salt. Feel fine after about a minute so far.

Thank you for keeping us updated.

 

[Denise2207]

@failedjedi you are so brave and I wish you a peaceful journey xx

 

[Deathbydemo]

I really hope you don't suffer and have a peaceful exit. This is scary, but I know it's what you want.