WitheringAway
Ima shake the champagne bottle...
- Jun 23, 2020
- 404
Life is a bitch to me. It's that simple. Nothing works for me and nothing will ever work for me. It's just the way it is now and I need to accept that and end it all. Today I got my most devastating sign to kill myself. It's the the final straw. Killing myself is my fate. It's always have been. I've been depressed for so long because I was recently divorced from an abusive husband and unemployed. When I got my dream job after working so hard for it, my co workers instantly hated me. I wasn't given a chance, right off the bat I was treated as an unwanted stranger, excluded from everything, and alone all day everyday. I brushed it off and I thought well maybe they have an idea about my qualifications and they feel threatened? Maybe they think I work too hard? I didn't know what their issue with me exactly all I knew is that I didn't nothing wrong and the reason they hate me is them not me (good person effed told me that) and it made sense so I believed it and kept going about my days minding my own business and avoiding them, I knew no matter how hard I try they won't accept me. So I just accepted the fact that that was the way my job was supposed to be. Being alone, excluded hated etc every day at the job was a struggle. I hated every minute I spent in the place. Some day when the shift is over I cry in the car on my way home (40 minutes crying non stop) I lost so much weight from the stress I was already underweight and I felt horrible about that because I didn't have energy to carry on. I made 2 friends there, A guy and a girl. I liked them so much they were the one who contained me and tried to teach me the basics of the work routine in the department etc. I connected with them on a personal level. Now after all the struggle I went through before I made those 2 friends, TODAY, I received the news from my department bitch direct manager that there was a decision to transfer me to another workplace (another hospital) everything went to shit in my life. The hospital I'm supposed to be transferred to is a graveyard. Underdeveloped and looks like trash. I asked if anyone knew people who worked there and they told me about people being depressed and hating their lives for working there.
This manager hated me from the first time she saw me. She was only a manger for 3 months before I got here. She doesn't know shit about the work we do. She got the promotion to be a manager because she has connections. Now she used the same connections to throw me outside the whole fucking hospital!! she's confident nobody would hold her acoountable for this unjust unfair decision. She wants to send me away so she can have a friend of hers working in my place. My 2 friends told me she felt threatened because I knew "too much" and I was criticizing the way they work. (Dealing with covid infected devices and patients without proper protection) Now I can't think of any worse luck than this!!! After I started to adjust to this shithole and made friends I'm gonna be transferred to another shithole and I'm being forced to adjust all fucking over again!!! I hate change. I'm so tired of the change. I want a break. Everything in my life changes constantly. Every time I say thing are starting to get better life fucking slap me in the face harder every time!! I'm gonna be dead hanging before I step a foot in that new shithole I'm being tossed to.
This manager hated me from the first time she saw me. She was only a manger for 3 months before I got here. She doesn't know shit about the work we do. She got the promotion to be a manager because she has connections. Now she used the same connections to throw me outside the whole fucking hospital!! she's confident nobody would hold her acoountable for this unjust unfair decision. She wants to send me away so she can have a friend of hers working in my place. My 2 friends told me she felt threatened because I knew "too much" and I was criticizing the way they work. (Dealing with covid infected devices and patients without proper protection) Now I can't think of any worse luck than this!!! After I started to adjust to this shithole and made friends I'm gonna be transferred to another shithole and I'm being forced to adjust all fucking over again!!! I hate change. I'm so tired of the change. I want a break. Everything in my life changes constantly. Every time I say thing are starting to get better life fucking slap me in the face harder every time!! I'm gonna be dead hanging before I step a foot in that new shithole I'm being tossed to.
