Geturdone
Getting old ain't for sissies
- Dec 9, 2021
- 85
I'm celebrating today since I'm being admitted to home hospice care. My personal bus is not yet here but I can see headlights at the other end of the tunnel lol. What this means is that I'll have access to certain drugs I'd not have otherwise .... like morphine. I already have other opioids and propranolol but the addition of morphine should make a rather nice cocktail. I'll need to do a deep dive into the PPH for guidance on proportions I would think. The advantages to dying while in hospice care, for me, are numerous. There would be no autopsy. I know from the experience with my wife that the hospice nurse has the legal authority to sign a death certificate and then it's off to the crematorium. Second, my great fear, and what I want to avoid, is the sense I'm suffocating. I have too much of that now and a feeling of panic always comes with it. I hate that more than my physical pain. Finally, I truly, truly believe I can suicide and my daughters not know I deliberately hastened my own ending. Suicide causes pain to those that love us so I'm trying to acknowledge that fact yet keep it from them. Surely they will miss me but we've had discussions about the fact I will be gone one day. Even now, as I write, I can see a plan coming together. I even have one life-long friend I think would be willing to sit with me on the final day, make those necessary phone calls, clean up any evidence and give testimony that I simply passed from sleep into death. Comments are most welcome.
