Discussion To those who have attempted before...

[Anarchy]

What was the moment like when you decided to attempt; what changed for you?
What made you pursue your goal at the risk of failing and being found?
What stopped you from being successful?
If you were detained for the attempt, how long did it take you to be released?
How were you treated afterwards?
Was anyone suspicious about you before?
Did you have to force yourself to attempt?
Did you plan it long before or was it on impulse?
Or was it somewhere inbetween: you had a cycle of making deadlines and putting it off but went through this time?
If you were somewhere inbetween, what made that time different from all the other times you said you'd do it?
(don't mean to overwhelm anyone with my barrage of questions; as much as you can answer will be helpful)

 

[skyofAuroras]

My first and last attempt was two years ago. I was sad, angry, and upset that I had gotten into that position. I don't remember what I felt the seconds before I went through with it.
What made me pursue it was the fact that I was thinking about doing for years. I was 17 and I knew I didn't want to live into adulthood so it was now or never.
My method was dumb. I tried to cut my wrists. Not big enough or deep enough. Of course it failed.
No one close to me found out. I didn't get detained. I had ran away from home to do it, but I gave a good excuse and no one questioned me again.
One person knew, but I didnt know he knew until months later.
I didn't force myself to attempt and it wasn't impulsive. It was all planned well, it was just the wrong method.
Hope this answered most of your questions.

 

[Anarchy]

Thanks for your helpful reply.

 

[Deleted member 847]

1. I don't understand what you mean.
2. Everyone was asleep when I did it and it would have been impossible to be found if my bed didn't broke.
3. My bed broke.
4. I forced myself to do it because I didn't have a choice, I couldn't hide my setup and being dead is better than being imprisoned in a mental hospital.
5. "Suicide is not a solution bla bla, you'll go to hell, you can talk to me if you want" and a day after insults and bullshit like "you have no reason to be depressed, I'm the best parent in the world, I gave you everything, how dare you yada yada" and being threatened with institutionalization many times.
6. No LOL. it's funny because I told the idiots several times that I was going to do it, joked about it etc.
7. Yes, you have to force yourself to do anything outside of your comfort zone. The brain doesn't like change.
8. I planned it

 

[Lara Francis]

My attempt was planned 24hrs in advance.I did not have to force myself and was calm and collected and a sense of relief had come over me having made the decision.
My method was jumping from a motorway bridge into fast moving traffic.I failed because I let a passer by distract me then the police arrived.I was taken to hospital.The choice given to me was either to be sectioned or be discharged into the care of family members which I choose.After a second visit to the same bridge,I was admitted onto a psych ward for 5 days.This was then followed by 2 weeks hospital leave before discharge. Nobody knew my intentions and there were numerous psychiatrist appointments that followed.

 

[Anarchy]

Thanks for your reply - I relate to being dead better thank being locked up.
Sorry, first question was a bit ambigious, I meant what mood you were in at the time, and what changed to make that moment the right time (what made it different than the other times you planned/wanted to die).

 

[Deleted member 847]

Thanks for your reply - I relate to being dead better thank being locked up.
Sorry, first question was a bit ambigious, I meant what mood you were in at the time, and what changed to make that moment the right time (what made it different than the other times you planned/wanted to die).

I was scared, because of course we all talk about how it's nice to not be here but your lizard brain doesn't give a shit about what you want. it wants you to do food,sex and survival and you will start thinking about if it's really worth it to end your life when you could experience these pleasures instead. Nothing made it different, you just force yourself to do it and decide to go against your feelings. There's no magic, you just have to be courageous.

 

[Lara Francis]

I have been suffering servere depresson since my husband passed away.I was fed up with the constant sucicidal thoughts that I couldn't hold back anymore.I felt my life was worthless and my life had expired.I felt like I had experienced a happy life but it had come to a natural end.As I got to the bridge,I was excited because I could be with my husband at last but also guilt ridden for our 9 year old I would be leaving behind.I wanted to take myself to the very edge of life to see if it was worth saving.if I did not not feel scared,I knew it was the right time to go.The lady that distracted me gave me her number and said we could go for a coffee which annoyed me.I said .do you not know what I am trying to do here? Before I knew it the police were on me.

 

[Anarchy]

Ah, sorry about that - authorites should never get involved with suicide, in my opinion (except to sort out the legal stuff after a person dies from suicide).
The lady sounds nice enough but it sucks that she intervened and had you reported to the police.

 

[Lara Francis]

Doesn't it just!
I think n is a better way.I was so angry at myself for not doing it right away.so don't hesitate is key as it causes too much attention.

 

[Lost]

I had severe depression since my husband started an affair with a coworker. All the hurt, worry about the future. I also had a total thyroid ectomy (stage 2 cancer). I just had enough that not even kids and grandkids hold me back. I took about 160 beta blockers and if I wouldn't had been found for another 30 min I would had ctb. I was in the hospital on the vent for 2 days. They gave me the option mental hospital or 4 weeks therapy. I chose therapy.

 

[Anarchy]

I'm suprised that you came so close to death and weren't forcibly detained. I was detained for planning suicide and I've never even attempted.
Must have been harsh to come so close but not be dead...

 

[Anarchy]

Do any of you here plan to try again?

 

[Deleted member 847]

yes. I will persist until I succeed.

 

[Lost]

I'm suprised that you came so close to death and weren't forcibly detained. I was detained for planning suicide and I've never even attempted.
Must have been harsh to come so close but not be dead...

Yes, it's disappointing and it don't go a day by I wish I would had. If I try again ? Yes I am sure, when I don't know exactly and I make sure I don't get found.

 

[Anarchy]

I like your attitude. Whereabouts do you live? Only there's a different system where I am - if you were in my area and attempted to hang yourself, you'd probably be sectioned for weeks, at least.
I know that if I get caught, even if I get caught preparing and haven't hurt myself, I will be detained indefinitely.

 

[Lost]

I like your attitude. Whereabouts do you live? Only there's a different system where I am - if you were in my area and attempted to hang yourself, you'd probably be sectioned for weeks, at least.
I know that if I get caught, even if I get caught preparing and haven't hurt myself, I will be detained indefinitely.

I live in West Virginia

 

[Anarchy]

Ah. I live in England. I was admitted to the hospital once for revealing my plan, and forcibily admitted once for telling someone that I was going to kill myself that week or the next. Both were for weeks.
Second time, I wasn't suicidal during early admission; a few hours after I said i'd die I was fine. But they denied that I wasn't suicidal and said that I wouldn't be released until the section ended, which was a month, and they only let me go then because I started taking their medicene and acted less emotional. They still wsnt to have me sectioned now; my parents threaten to have me sectioned for half a year.
West Virginia sounds a lot more bearable in that regard...

 

[millefeui]

My dog was born, my maternal instincts kicked in and I found myself responsible for her well being. That is the only reason I haven't tried killing myself again since 2012, because I know when I try again, I will succeed, because desire to die is not lacking for me. I do not want to leave her behind because to me, it would be no different than leaving a baby behind. She is very dependent on me.

My method was partial suspension with a belt. It was slightly painful but pain doesn't bother me. I welcome it. The issue was that it was too easy to bail out of it, so when I attempt again, I am making the floor slippery so it is harder for me to bail out if survival instincts kick in. I am also using a proper rope next time. Don't want to risk having the belt snap before I am dead.

No one found me, no one knew I attempted suicide. It wasn't exactly a planned method. I tried with what I had around. Next time it will be different, though. A proper rope, a proper location and even some tip ($) for the poor soul who finds my dead body.

 

[Anarchy]

I admire your drive. It seems that your suicide will no doubt be successful. It must get frustrating to have to put it off because of the dog but it's great that you care about your dog, and since your desire to die isn't lacking, you could still do it no problem after you no longer have to care for your dog.
I don't personally care about the people who will find me, but I like the idea of leaving a tip. Makes the suicide seem more 'normal' and everyday, so to speak.

 

[tourmaline]

Had two attempts. First was years ago when I was a very depressed teenager. I'd had enough one night. Just decided to do it. The rope was flimsy and it broke. Nobody knew. I cried for at least half an hour afterwards. All my emotions were drained out of me and I was exhausted. Slept for half a day. Second attempt was a short time ago. At some point I had promised myself that if life became too much to bear, then I'd end it. My teenage years were absolute hell and I wasn't going to live through that again. A few months ago, I had decided it was that time. Did my research this time. Everything was set. I live alone and in a different city from my mum. She just had to choose that morning to come visit me unannounced. The rope was tight around my neck and I was about to jump off the sofa. I heard the bell ring. Heard her voice. Panicked. It was hard to get my head out of the rope with my hands shaking. Even harder to take the rope off whatever the metal thing is called that I had tied it to. Luckily she had no idea though. Will attempt again soon enough. Taking some precautions so it doesn't fail this time. I feel so disheartened and tired and even more depressed after every failed attempt. I'm quite ready to be done with it all.

 

[Anarchy]

That's really harsh timing. You were so close, as well. I hope your next attempt goes to plan.

 

[Severen]

Ah. I live in England. I was admitted to the hospital once for revealing my plan, and forcibily admitted once for telling someone that I was going to kill myself that week or the next. Both were for weeks.
Second time, I wasn't suicidal during early admission; a few hours after I said i'd die I was fine. But they denied that I wasn't suicidal and said that I wouldn't be released until the section ended, which was a month, and they only let me go then because I started taking their medicene and acted less emotional. They still wsnt to have me sectioned now; my parents threaten to have me sectioned for half a year.
West Virginia sounds a lot more bearable in that regard...

Nah, in the USA, if you just say you have suicidal thoughts, people will call the cops on you and you will be forced to go to the hospital and then you become a prisoner until a doctor thinks it's okay for you to leave.

 

[Anarchy]

Oh, guess it depends what area you live in rather than country.