Did you always consider suicide, like 20 years ago? If so has it been worth hanging on? What is your age if don't mind sharing? There are many people struggling with the decision at young ages on up. Would appreciate perspective about your own experiences related to the topic. Only so many people can and are willing to relate. Interested in hearing as much as you'd like to share about this time period, the journey and decisions you've faced especially related to suicide.
Suez
Experienced
- Feb 27, 2020
- 279
Why are you so interested in suicidal ideation in people over 40yrs? What has bought you to this forum? People may be more inclined to respond if you were to talk about why your in the forum and why your asking questions like this?
Space Cadet
Member
- Mar 2, 2020
- 64
I'm 46 - I first attempted suicide at 15 (obviously unsuccessfully). It was a horrid experience and has left me loathe to try it again though at tough periods from then to now I have seriously considered it and wanted to die - hence joining here a month or so ago. I can't say all the years have been a waste since - I've had some good times but also many bad - was it worth staying around for - I really don't know. Possibly so for my parents and siblings not to have to deal with such an event.
Last edited:
I didn't mean to offend. Because suicidal thinking runs my life at times, I wonder about the future and if it's worth the living through. I'm older than some but see a lot of people close to 20 posting similar thoughts. It's impossible for us to know what it's like continuing to be plagued by this thinking and problems that lead to it. Hearing from others who've been in our shoes can help lead to more informed decisions, especially if considering suicide now later in life. I appreciate anyone willing to share their perspective
TheEndof
It's getting dark and it's getting cold
- Dec 31, 2019
- 146
I dunno, I don't think it's a very suspicious question to ask... as you're implying. I wonder this myself as someone in my mid 20s. I've always told myself it will get better but it just has gotten worse and I wish I would have ended it years ago than continue to struggle for seemingly more suffering.
Thing you have to keep in mind is what is going on with people at that age. They are just getting done with HS or college, and going into another life. Many are moving out for the first time, some are getting a job for the first time, and some are learning how bad it is. Like IMO there is a mix between people moving from 1 life to another, and people find out a lot of what they thought or been told is complete BS. Many are told you can be anything or whatever. And they find that they are very much stuck in whatever class (lifestyle) they grown up in. That or more likely, they are at a worse one than what they are use to.
And because of how the system is built, how little anyone actually cares, and so on. What is the point?
Then in a few years some get over it, maybe have a family which gives them a reason, and they move on.
At least that is my theory.
With that being said, people have many reasons to want to end it. And some, are like myself. I wish I did off myself at a young age. Like I'm not 40 but I'm also not 20, and I'm not stupid enough to give any answer closer to that. But the first time I tried to kill myself I was 4 or 5. I tried by bashing my head into the ground until I passed out. Later when I was in HS I tried lighting flares in my mouth, drinking weed killer and other things, and even tried to blow up a gas can next to my head. When none of that worked, I figure maybe it was some divine power making everything not work. Now that I'm much older, I find that thinking was stupid and the failures was caused by me being completely ignorant. And if I knew what I know now, I could've easily ended myself before the real pain started.
Right now I just wish I would get the virus, and it will take me away so I don't have to.
Last edited:
Donk
Useless since day 1
- Jan 3, 2020
- 1,129
im 41. i never thought about ctb when i was in my 20s. i guess at that age there were still alot of things i wanted to experience. partying, picking up girls, going on vacation etc. now everything is boring. most people my age are pre occupy with their kids. i dont have children nor will i ever have children. i dont think im mentally capable of raising a child properly. also i dont want to pass on my bad genes to my kid. im scare they might have to go through the same shit im going through.
Suez
Experienced
- Feb 27, 2020
- 279
You didnt offend me by asking the question but yes i am suspicioius sometimes of peoples reasons for posting some of the things they do. It would be stupid and very naive of me to assume that everyone in this forum is here for genuine reasons. Perhaps my life has given me many many reasons to not trust people or to question their authenticity, idk. Your asking a very difficult question, of course everyone will have a different interpretation as being humans we are all different and even in sharing similar experiences, the way we deal with those experiences and the manner in which it effects us will also differ. For what its worth, Im 52. I had my first suicidal experience at 9yrs of age and I cant say that I have had many years in my lifetime where i havent thought about suicide. Having said that my life has been a mixture of both gd and bad. The most difficult period of my life was most certainly the first 25years. Anything traumatic that you can think of that a person could go through happened to me in those first 25yrs. In and out of psychiatric hospital, drug rehabs for heroin,prison, losing friends and family to suicide, drugs&murder, Being involved in gangs, crime, raped mulitple times, trying to kill myself. ..thats a shortcut to the first couple of decades. After that things started getting better, I got an education/degree an MD&PhD, travelled the world. Found solace in my career for a while, but still haunted by my past resulting in the odd psych stay. Things started going down hill again only about 7 yrs ago when my mum became ill with cancer. I looked after her until the end, not that long ago. I think the thing that really kept me in life so long however was my mum. My mum had always given me unconditional love and because of that i was incredibly close to her. We had the kind of relationship that many people would envy, so when she became ill and her condition became terminal i knew that my life too would soon be over as i could not imagine life without her. That is still my plan. But i can honestly say that i would not have given up my life to suicide any earlier because i would not have wanted to never experience the relationship i had with my mum. She was my world, she made everything in the world seem ok. Im glad that i lived to experience that kind of love and if your able to feel even a fraction of what i did, then i would say that sticking around is worth it. Even over and above all the shit that happened to me.
Caycee
Member
- Aug 28, 2018
- 37
I'm 65, and I would say the idea of suicide as a real option opened up sometime in my 50s because it became so very clear that I'd lost most of my life and no longer had decades ahead of me to try to get well. The idea of suicide as a theory probably opened up for me around the age of 13, but it was just some vague notion. On some TV program in childhood, I recall hearing a psychiatrist make a comment that has stayed with me throughout my life, and I so wish I could find literature related to his view. He simply said that "a young person can die spiritually, and that is why it is so critical to help them before it's too late." I do think it's possible to die or almost die in terms of spirit but just keep on trucking as if you are fully present and engaged in the world before you. I sort of feel that I've been a ghost since 13, though there has always been just a tiny bubble of life within.
To answer your question about the value of hanging on: some small spark of life remained in me and with that, I have fought very hard from 20s on to recover and thrive. I have explored just about everything, and my experience is that not much worked. There has been some improvement, mostly from breath and body work. Talk therapy never helped or meditation or New Thought/Religion. Somehow, I'm still at it. I was due to begin grad school online at Harvard this semester but dropped out two days before class began due to depression. I'm going to try again for the Fall, or I hope I will. I just committed a lot of money to start a new business, but today has been a bad day, leading me to this site, and I'm wondering if the man I made the commitment to really would follow through and sue me if I don't pay on the agreed upon date. If I'm dead or moving in that direction, who cares anyway? I suppose I'm reaching a point where it won't matter because Nature might just take her course. So...I cannot say there is value in hanging on unless your death might set up terrible trauma for loved ones.
I have joked with friends about the cliche: "Life begins at 30, 40, 50," etc., because I'm still waiting for that time to happen. As hard as my life was in my earlier years, it hit like a hammer just after I turned 40. Every decade has been more painful, with more drama and hardship than the decade before. I cannot, for the life of me, tell you why. I am a gentle librarian type, vegetarian, animal lover, wanderer, highly educated, kind, sensitive, nurturing, and most people see me as calm and grounded, except the few who have really gotten to know me. Ironically, I make a living as a life coach. It works because I have so much book learning to share. Based on my life and the lives of friends my age, I'd have to say that it does not get easier. I have had one friend who suffered a great deal in her 20s/30s, and in her 40s she entered talk therapy for 15+ years and she created a healthy, rather happy experience that has lasted. She was a practical person, not a seeker, not highly sensitive, and she was someone willing to settle in life. I think that makes a difference. She is the only success story I know of.
There is a brilliant book written by psychologist Alice Miller entitled The Drama of the Gifted Child. Miller explains that pretty much everything that can possibly affect us and screw with us happens during infancy and toddler years...and we are usually not going to get over it. Generally, in other words, toxic mothers (or perhaps well-meaning but immature/ignorant). I'd also like to just throw in an aside that I'm astonished girls and women are freely allowed to procreate as much as they want, but that's another conversation. I'll finish with the cliche that you never know what's just around the corner. I haven't found anything wondrous around the corner or even slightly encouraging. Life just goes on, and maybe that's OK. My animals have been, for the most part, the reason I've stayed alive since around 2005.
I did not struggle with suicide until much later in life. Not in my teens or twenties, though I was desperately unhappy. I did ponder it but I really wanted to get well if I could and I did a lot of work on myself. What I've discovered, just my experience, is that we can't really know what is going on. Our minds cannot fathom reality. Maybe we can pick up some pointers that might help us want to stick around in case life gets better. That's what happened for me, just holding onto threads. Hope this answers some of your questions with as little TMI as possible.
To answer your question about the value of hanging on: some small spark of life remained in me and with that, I have fought very hard from 20s on to recover and thrive. I have explored just about everything, and my experience is that not much worked. There has been some improvement, mostly from breath and body work. Talk therapy never helped or meditation or New Thought/Religion. Somehow, I'm still at it. I was due to begin grad school online at Harvard this semester but dropped out two days before class began due to depression. I'm going to try again for the Fall, or I hope I will. I just committed a lot of money to start a new business, but today has been a bad day, leading me to this site, and I'm wondering if the man I made the commitment to really would follow through and sue me if I don't pay on the agreed upon date. If I'm dead or moving in that direction, who cares anyway? I suppose I'm reaching a point where it won't matter because Nature might just take her course. So...I cannot say there is value in hanging on unless your death might set up terrible trauma for loved ones.
I have joked with friends about the cliche: "Life begins at 30, 40, 50," etc., because I'm still waiting for that time to happen. As hard as my life was in my earlier years, it hit like a hammer just after I turned 40. Every decade has been more painful, with more drama and hardship than the decade before. I cannot, for the life of me, tell you why. I am a gentle librarian type, vegetarian, animal lover, wanderer, highly educated, kind, sensitive, nurturing, and most people see me as calm and grounded, except the few who have really gotten to know me. Ironically, I make a living as a life coach. It works because I have so much book learning to share. Based on my life and the lives of friends my age, I'd have to say that it does not get easier. I have had one friend who suffered a great deal in her 20s/30s, and in her 40s she entered talk therapy for 15+ years and she created a healthy, rather happy experience that has lasted. She was a practical person, not a seeker, not highly sensitive, and she was someone willing to settle in life. I think that makes a difference. She is the only success story I know of.
There is a brilliant book written by psychologist Alice Miller entitled The Drama of the Gifted Child. Miller explains that pretty much everything that can possibly affect us and screw with us happens during infancy and toddler years...and we are usually not going to get over it. Generally, in other words, toxic mothers (or perhaps well-meaning but immature/ignorant). I'd also like to just throw in an aside that I'm astonished girls and women are freely allowed to procreate as much as they want, but that's another conversation. I'll finish with the cliche that you never know what's just around the corner. I haven't found anything wondrous around the corner or even slightly encouraging. Life just goes on, and maybe that's OK. My animals have been, for the most part, the reason I've stayed alive since around 2005.
I did not struggle with suicide until much later in life. Not in my teens or twenties, though I was desperately unhappy. I did ponder it but I really wanted to get well if I could and I did a lot of work on myself. What I've discovered, just my experience, is that we can't really know what is going on. Our minds cannot fathom reality. Maybe we can pick up some pointers that might help us want to stick around in case life gets better. That's what happened for me, just holding onto threads. Hope this answers some of your questions with as little TMI as possible.
Last edited:
wanderinglost
Member
- Mar 22, 2020
- 77
I was 10 the first time I was taken to hospital for taking my Nans pills, I just remember how gutted I was to still be here ... Now I am 46 and here at SS.
I did have a large gap where I thought it had left me due to a career, marriage and child and I count my self so very lucky for those years but it is just me again now and after 18 years service I was discharged and had and still have too much time on my hands so it came back but much harder.
Now I look no further than a week and sometimes a day , just as much as I can handle.
Peaks and troughs, ik I am due a dip but trying to level out and share a house with 3 males which is mostly a pain because if they got no answer from my door it would be booted in. Once I move into my own place which has ground to a halt with the lock down then I can do what i want.
Oh the bliss of my own bathroom and different rooms to sit in my pants on a Sunday eating rice krispies
So for me to have those years with my own family I would not change a thing. I can die with some happy memories
I am glad I failed those early teen years
I did have a large gap where I thought it had left me due to a career, marriage and child and I count my self so very lucky for those years but it is just me again now and after 18 years service I was discharged and had and still have too much time on my hands so it came back but much harder.
Now I look no further than a week and sometimes a day , just as much as I can handle.
Peaks and troughs, ik I am due a dip but trying to level out and share a house with 3 males which is mostly a pain because if they got no answer from my door it would be booted in. Once I move into my own place which has ground to a halt with the lock down then I can do what i want.
Oh the bliss of my own bathroom and different rooms to sit in my pants on a Sunday eating rice krispies
I was 10 the first time I was taken to hospital for taking my Nans pills, I just remember how gutted I was to still be here ... Now I am 46 and here at SS.
I did have a large gap where I thought it had left me due to a career, marriage and child and I count my self so very lucky for those years but it is just me again now and after 18 years service I was discharged and had and still have too much time on my hands so it came back but much harder.
Now I look no further than a week and sometimes a day , just as much as I can handle.
Peaks and troughs, ik I am due a dip but trying to level out and share a house with 3 males which is mostly a pain because if they got no answer from my door it would be booted in. Once I move into my own place which has ground to a halt with the lock down then I can do what i want.
Oh the bliss of my own bathroom and different rooms to sit in my pants on a Sunday eating rice krispies
So for me to have those years with my own family I would not change a thing. I can die with some happy memories
I am glad I failed those early teen years
Last edited:
terry_a_davis
Warlock
- Dec 28, 2019
- 707
I'm in my forties and didn't consider suicide until i was roughly 35 or 36. 20 years ago i was very happy, had a great life, but took it for granted and made mistakes and it all went wrong.
Soul
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
- Apr 12, 2019
- 4,704
I made a few inept attempts in my teens, and was seriously depressed in my 20s. Instead of killing myself I left the country, found work I enjoyed in a so-called caring profession, and have had miles of worthwhile experiences.
Throughout those decades I've always made a point of keeping what I hoped would be a lethal collection of meds on hand, because I feel safer when I have options*. At the same time I've been actively involved in living, because that's what I feel my life is for.
* I have a more effective stash now, thanks to this forum. Thanks!
Throughout those decades I've always made a point of keeping what I hoped would be a lethal collection of meds on hand, because I feel safer when I have options*. At the same time I've been actively involved in living, because that's what I feel my life is for.
* I have a more effective stash now, thanks to this forum. Thanks!
Last edited:
Letmego. Please
Wizard
- Nov 18, 2018
- 619
Yes when I was a nipper, I got really pissed off at a nurse once who said to me I couldn't kill myself before id even lived.
But the thing is 30 yrs later I have lived, been married, done useful good stuff to help others, travelled & met some of the best people I could ever have had the pleasure of. That nurse it turns out was right, for me at least as everyone is different, I'm glad I didn't succeed back then.
It's a harder world to be younger in than the one I grew up in, social media ruins lives, & don't get me started on the bullshit that is intsagram. Give yourself time to live, however that maybe, but ignore all this online bullshit (apart from us of course)
But the thing is 30 yrs later I have lived, been married, done useful good stuff to help others, travelled & met some of the best people I could ever have had the pleasure of. That nurse it turns out was right, for me at least as everyone is different, I'm glad I didn't succeed back then.
It's a harder world to be younger in than the one I grew up in, social media ruins lives, & don't get me started on the bullshit that is intsagram. Give yourself time to live, however that maybe, but ignore all this online bullshit (apart from us of course)
I'm a 43 year old woman. I wasn't really wanting to ctb yet in the early 20's because I was very attractive when young so I coasted on that high from all the attention and sex I was getting lol! By my mid 20's I was beginning to really experience the problems resulting from undiagnosed borderline personality disorder but sadly when I went looking for help I was being misdiagnosed and drugged.
I think when they diagnosed me with ADD that was the biggest disaster because I was already struggling with promiscuity and sex addiction then they throw fire on it by prescribing me adderall (legal meth) but they don't tell u that's what it really is. A cleaner version and maybe slightly easier to quit then street meth but basically it is not much different. It just takes a bit longer to do the damage. You can be on the drug a longer time before u really see it's impact especially combined with untreated borderline.
Adderall increased my sex drive or impulsivity even more than off it. I was even more fearless and reckless. Of course with this prescription I was also being prescribed other drugs to manage the side effects from that one. So by the time I was 30 I was on like 5 different ones. I was on lithium, lamictal, clonazepam, prozac, and adderall lol! I don't know how I was even employed on this cocktail.
Another sad thing was that by 30 I believed I was untreatable mentally ill, but borderline is cureable or manageable if u can find help preferably early in life b4 u just don't care anymore bc u feel destroyed so badly. I had 3 additional abortions by this time but didn't know that abortion causes psychological trauma because they don't really inform women on the full consequences of abortion. At that time people didn't all have internet to just go and research wether abortion is a good idea and to see all the information available so u can make an informed decision.
But I'm getting off the subject. I would not do it while u are very young even if u think u have mental illness. There's a lot of experiences you might miss out on that are really great that u might not think u will have. It's hard to be optimistic but sometimes u can bump onto some opportunity u never thought could happen so this why I think just hold off as long as u can unless u truly have no way of ever being able to have any satisfaction of any kind in life. I can understand if you are in a position where it's truly impossible to move in any direction and your existence is pure misery.
I think when they diagnosed me with ADD that was the biggest disaster because I was already struggling with promiscuity and sex addiction then they throw fire on it by prescribing me adderall (legal meth) but they don't tell u that's what it really is. A cleaner version and maybe slightly easier to quit then street meth but basically it is not much different. It just takes a bit longer to do the damage. You can be on the drug a longer time before u really see it's impact especially combined with untreated borderline.
Adderall increased my sex drive or impulsivity even more than off it. I was even more fearless and reckless. Of course with this prescription I was also being prescribed other drugs to manage the side effects from that one. So by the time I was 30 I was on like 5 different ones. I was on lithium, lamictal, clonazepam, prozac, and adderall lol! I don't know how I was even employed on this cocktail.
Another sad thing was that by 30 I believed I was untreatable mentally ill, but borderline is cureable or manageable if u can find help preferably early in life b4 u just don't care anymore bc u feel destroyed so badly. I had 3 additional abortions by this time but didn't know that abortion causes psychological trauma because they don't really inform women on the full consequences of abortion. At that time people didn't all have internet to just go and research wether abortion is a good idea and to see all the information available so u can make an informed decision.
But I'm getting off the subject. I would not do it while u are very young even if u think u have mental illness. There's a lot of experiences you might miss out on that are really great that u might not think u will have. It's hard to be optimistic but sometimes u can bump onto some opportunity u never thought could happen so this why I think just hold off as long as u can unless u truly have no way of ever being able to have any satisfaction of any kind in life. I can understand if you are in a position where it's truly impossible to move in any direction and your existence is pure misery.
Last edited:
I am 30 y.o. and didn't try to kill myself before, I told myself that everything will be fine and there's hope. I was wrong, nothing's changed and I don't want to spend another 30 years like this. Life is just worthless.
I love your skepticism, more people need to be skeptical about everything they hear and see. It's great to question everything.
enjolras
Dead are useless if not to love the living more
- Feb 13, 2020
- 1,293
Was it you who I saw ?
I remembered the rest of your story but your uninhibited hedonism is just a contagious ode. Great chapter opener
I love it ! Love the gratitude, the spirit, the ability to look back without anger at a dark moment. This is a gracious stance... kudos. Despite all the gloom, I sometime feel this way. Hope we can both vanish, in the trace of the glorious halo of a solar eclipse
(short reply to OP : against all odds, it can be worth it)
Last edited:
Sensei
剣道家
- Nov 4, 2019
- 6,336
I'm in my mid-40s. I made an amateurish suicide attempt around the age of 20, so amateurish that it barely counts as an attempt. In retrospect, I'm happy that I failed. I've had both good times and bad times, but the good times were worth it. Now I've come to a point where there probably only will be bad times ahead, though. Anyways, I think it's worth giving life a shot. When you're in your 20s and even in your 30s life can change quickly.
itsamadworld
i wanna die somewhere like up there
- Mar 15, 2020
- 410
I was suicidal as young as 6 years old. I am 39 now. I have BPD, so I have had many suicide attempts. When I was 22, I OD'd. My big Brother's gf found me....unfortunately..I was admitted in hospital, stomach pumped, on suicide watch, and then a 72 hour hold. I lost my job, had to move back home to my mom's...I was in the military at the time.... I had to hide my suicide attempt...cuz I desperately wanted to be deployed to the middle east, and I was....I was hoping it to be my death, my suicide wrap....the only reason I was happy to survive was for that experience......Now, I have nothing to live for...I left the military, and tried marriage, I tried at love and failed... horrible outcome with BPD...im ready to leave. I can keep friends, mostly, and i learned to hide my BPD...for job security....but it's hell...I'm tired of living with the splitting, emotional rollercoaster....I feel uncomfortable in my own skin
Last edited:
mesohappy
Cat piss sammich??
- Jan 10, 2020
- 674
Im in my 40's and often thought about throwing in the towel in my younger years..Glad I stuck around and fought through battles though..There have been things Ive accomplished and learned that I would have missed out on..Like taking care of and making peace with loved ones when they were going through their last days,and had no one else.Like fighting seemingly impossible battles and winning.Seeing things that shocked and amazed,and sometimes just simplicity that was always there and I never recognized or appreciated.
As you get older life changes and you see things from different perspectives,but its still life.There are always gonna be battles,hardtimes,illnesses,enemies and mistakes.But God damn ,sometimes I think its worth it.Other times I battle to hold on and feel like a pussy.Im proud Ive held on.And sometimes worry about what I will miss out on if I go right now.
You just dont know what life holds in store...Im here,on this site,struggling sometimes,but Im a mutherfucking warrior and will go out as such.
Or maybe Ill be crying in your PM'S later like a bitch.I may lose face,but Ill see another day.(maybe).
As you get older life changes and you see things from different perspectives,but its still life.There are always gonna be battles,hardtimes,illnesses,enemies and mistakes.But God damn ,sometimes I think its worth it.Other times I battle to hold on and feel like a pussy.Im proud Ive held on.And sometimes worry about what I will miss out on if I go right now.
You just dont know what life holds in store...Im here,on this site,struggling sometimes,but Im a mutherfucking warrior and will go out as such.
Or maybe Ill be crying in your PM'S later like a bitch.I may lose face,but Ill see another day.(maybe).
Suez
Experienced
- Feb 27, 2020
- 279
I know what you mean.You just cant underestimate the power of those moments shared with a loved one in their last dying days and in particular the moment they take their last breathe. I relive that moment over and over. I was holding my mums hand. my face on her check whispering to her how much she was loved. She took one breath,then exhaled and there was the longest pause, I think in that moment i knew what was happening & I said to her i luv you & Im with you,she then took one more breathe, exhaled and that was her last. It was 2.30am in the morning. I was so used to being up pretty much 24hrs/day but i could not beleive my luck because id actually gone and made a hot chocolate 10minutes before and could have easily missed that moment. Im so unbeleiveably happy to have been there at that precise time to send her off with love. As I said in a previous post, all the shit i went through in life,despite how much pain i was in, im so glad i was able to have the relationship i had with my mum. Im so glad i didnt CTB earlier as i would never have had those amazing memories.
When I was younger, my suicidal ideation was driven by depression rooted largely in trauma experienced in childhood. It was based on my past.
Now, as a middle-aged man in my 40s, it is founded on crippling anxiety about my future and being forced into living a life without dignity: failing health, poverty and all that entails – food insecurity, housing insecurity, healthcare insecurity – being isolated and lacking a community of support... this is not an exhaustive list of what activates my anxiety that drives my need to CTB but it's a start.
It's almost like my past doesn't even matter to me anymore, because it's the future that's going to destroy me.
Wanted to add, to address the original question: Yeah, I think it's worth 'hanging on' as a younger person, if only because there is always a possibility things can change or shift.
Like, in my case, things did change... although the change was not necessarily for the better, lol. But it did prove to me that change is possible at least.
Now, as a middle-aged man in my 40s, it is founded on crippling anxiety about my future and being forced into living a life without dignity: failing health, poverty and all that entails – food insecurity, housing insecurity, healthcare insecurity – being isolated and lacking a community of support... this is not an exhaustive list of what activates my anxiety that drives my need to CTB but it's a start.
It's almost like my past doesn't even matter to me anymore, because it's the future that's going to destroy me.
Wanted to add, to address the original question: Yeah, I think it's worth 'hanging on' as a younger person, if only because there is always a possibility things can change or shift.
Like, in my case, things did change... although the change was not necessarily for the better, lol. But it did prove to me that change is possible at least.
Last edited:
I''m 47 years old and would say that yes, if you can it is well worth holding on.
I have nailed several younger women, fired various firearms and eaten like a pig. I'd recommend all three.
That being said you should see how much I drink. Good luck.
I have nailed several younger women, fired various firearms and eaten like a pig. I'd recommend all three.
That being said you should see how much I drink. Good luck.
Last edited:
Notabadguy
Mage
- Feb 7, 2020
- 576
I'm 39 years-old, and I had never been suicidal, until some months ago. I made a wrong decision, not ethically wrong, but bad for me and my beloved ones. I can't take it or I don't want. It's not unbearable, but I feel at a dead-end, I don't want to carry on. I want to go peacefully.
Letmego. Please
Wizard
- Nov 18, 2018
- 619
Ok so all I will add is that one of the only constants in this world other than death & taxes is......Change, things always change, for the good, for the worse, for the better, but no matter what change will happen regardless so you might as well if your young just wait till it changes again & work from there.
hershberger
Student
- Dec 28, 2019
- 129
I'm 48 now. I had vague thoughts of ctb in my teens, but never really considered it in a tangible sense until I was 24 or 25, when my depression turned into something much more serious, and I developed a plan (although I never tried to ctb). Life gradually got better, and then I got married, so my only real issue from age 30 to age 45 was the ebb and flow of depression/social anxiety. In 2016, things started falling apart for various reasons I don't want to discuss here (apologies for the vagueness). I think I am in the minority here, because I have never made any attempt at ctb. However, I am closer to that point right now than I have ever been.
I can sit here today and tell you I'm glad I didn't ctb in my mid-20s. I got a master's degree, married, and I'm the father of three children (two from my wife's first marriage, but her ex isn't a part of their lives, so I'm their dad, and I'm proud of that). The thought of leaving them is the only thing which keeps me here; unfortunately, my thoughts are becoming more occupied with the idea that it is time to go. I do not consider myself to be living. I am surviving, and that is becoming increasingly difficult to do.
I can sit here today and tell you I'm glad I didn't ctb in my mid-20s. I got a master's degree, married, and I'm the father of three children (two from my wife's first marriage, but her ex isn't a part of their lives, so I'm their dad, and I'm proud of that). The thought of leaving them is the only thing which keeps me here; unfortunately, my thoughts are becoming more occupied with the idea that it is time to go. I do not consider myself to be living. I am surviving, and that is becoming increasingly difficult to do.
Overnoutofhere
Member
- Mar 30, 2020
- 52
I was suicidal in my 20s I went through a series of very tramatic events and then I met my husband at the age of 27 I felt deeply in love with him never thought about suicide again until he killed himself a couple of months ago, severe depression.
Now I am 55 and I'm right back to that same dark hole! It seems like such a familiar place to go back down where you came from when you lose everything.
I know I'm going to CBT soon. We had an incredible life, I would've missed all that had I succeeded in killing myself when I was younger. Yes it's worth hanging on if your young there are so many possibilities.
I am sure about it and will catch my bus when I am ready, very soon. I am more informed, no failures this time!
Now I am 55 and I'm right back to that same dark hole! It seems like such a familiar place to go back down where you came from when you lose everything.
I know I'm going to CBT soon. We had an incredible life, I would've missed all that had I succeeded in killing myself when I was younger. Yes it's worth hanging on if your young there are so many possibilities.
I am sure about it and will catch my bus when I am ready, very soon. I am more informed, no failures this time!
Last edited:
That's interesting. I had a severe depression as a toddler, that I have no recollection of. It was something that a babysitter did and I've only been told a few things that they were "mean" and my parents weren't really sure what caused the depression. I needed a therapist as I'd just cry and sleep all day. I'm told that I slowly "got over it". I highly doubt that since I've been nervous and depressed most of my life.
I'm in my 50s now and it has only gotten worse with age.
Statistically, suicide increases with age with most being 45-60 years old. Does this mean that many people are suicidal much of their life, but don't take action until middle age or if people become more depressed with age. Probably both. The 45 and over age range are less like to have young children to care for so I can see people waiting until then.
I wish I had taken my life when I was in my 20s. I can clearly see that it wouldn't have had a negative impact on anyone. That's the most important thing to me, is that my suicide doesn't upset anyone.
Last edited:
ladolcemorte
Experienced
- May 5, 2019
- 286
Just a word of caution: there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking for other people's stories, but please don't count on them to make an "informed decision" about your own future. Just because someone else regrets having lived an extra 10 or 20 years or whatever, it doesn't mean that you will. You have no way of knowing what your future will look like. You might be one of the people who manages to overcome suicidality and lead a productive life that you are grateful to have. There are people like that in the world (Take Kevin Hines for eg). Those people are not on this forum, but if you are looking for a broad range of possible outcomes, you should look for their stories too.
MsMaudlin
This is the fierce last stand of all I am
- Dec 8, 2019
- 875
I'm nearly 46.
I have thought about suicide since I was about 16. Had a few feeble attempts as a teen with a handful of paracetamol which were just really attention seeking.
Now I'm much older I have had a series of events recently such as close family bereavements, getting terrible new medical diagnosis which have plunged me into a deep depression and planning my suicide.
I had arranged to ctb a few weeks ago but I had no time alone to do it.
Now it looks like CV19 is here for a while, I will get busy arranging again.
Love & peace
❤
I have thought about suicide since I was about 16. Had a few feeble attempts as a teen with a handful of paracetamol which were just really attention seeking.
Now I'm much older I have had a series of events recently such as close family bereavements, getting terrible new medical diagnosis which have plunged me into a deep depression and planning my suicide.
I had arranged to ctb a few weeks ago but I had no time alone to do it.
Now it looks like CV19 is here for a while, I will get busy arranging again.
Love & peace
❤
Similar threads
Discussion
Abortion clinic? Why not Suicide clinic?
- OnlyOneSolution
- Suicide Discussion 2
Suicide Discussion
Kai_Txn
