StarryStarry
Cat Lady
- Oct 25, 2021
- 750
I'm sitting in bed not knowing what to do. A large part of me wants to ctb, but I am so afraid that my cat will not be taken care of after I'm gone. That is honestly the only thing that is stopping me. I know it sounds stupid, but my cat is my life. She's 12 years old and I just took her to the vet for a checkup and she is in good health. She could live another 5 or 6 years, but if I leave her she may be euthanized because of her age. It makes me cry to even think of it. I've thought of taking her with me, but I just can't do it. I can't take her life, she deserves so much more.
I could move away from where I am, but moving is just my physical being moving, my issues, depression, PTSD and anxiety follow me wherever I go. I have enough money now to go back to where my little girl is buried to be cremated and be with her. I can't find a job where I am because the last attorney I worked for not only fired me (remember he is the one who cursed and screamed at me for no reason), he lied and denied me unemployment and now he refuses to send me my tax papers so I can file taxes. Oh yes, he has all the power (good thing I'm not homicidal). I feel so beaten down and I don't think I can ever get over what has happened to me over the years. My ex-husband and the last attorney were so much alike it's scary. So, if I leave here I have to drive by myself with my cat 3,000 miles, I have to give up everything I've worked for the past 30 years, and start all over. That's hard to do at my age. My stress is overwhelming, I am loses handfuls of hair and am unable to eat (not a big deal).
Part of me wants so bad to ctb. Just to close my eyes and never wake up. Never have to deal with people who intentionally hurt me, insult me, make fun of my depression. I won't have any more teats, anger, sadness, loneliness. I have to decide by Monday. I wish so hard I could just die in my sleep. Just go to sleep and never wake up, but it won't be that easy.
Thanks for listening.
I could move away from where I am, but moving is just my physical being moving, my issues, depression, PTSD and anxiety follow me wherever I go. I have enough money now to go back to where my little girl is buried to be cremated and be with her. I can't find a job where I am because the last attorney I worked for not only fired me (remember he is the one who cursed and screamed at me for no reason), he lied and denied me unemployment and now he refuses to send me my tax papers so I can file taxes. Oh yes, he has all the power (good thing I'm not homicidal). I feel so beaten down and I don't think I can ever get over what has happened to me over the years. My ex-husband and the last attorney were so much alike it's scary. So, if I leave here I have to drive by myself with my cat 3,000 miles, I have to give up everything I've worked for the past 30 years, and start all over. That's hard to do at my age. My stress is overwhelming, I am loses handfuls of hair and am unable to eat (not a big deal).
Part of me wants so bad to ctb. Just to close my eyes and never wake up. Never have to deal with people who intentionally hurt me, insult me, make fun of my depression. I won't have any more teats, anger, sadness, loneliness. I have to decide by Monday. I wish so hard I could just die in my sleep. Just go to sleep and never wake up, but it won't be that easy.
Thanks for listening.