Help To all my friends...

[Centerism]

Hey family,
I woke up this morning thinking i out ran a nightmare, only you realize that I woke up into a nightmare. I didn't want to wake up today. I thought I was having a better time asleep. That's sad. It's like a reverse nightmare though. You know when you wake up from a nightmare and you're so relieved? I woke up into a nightmare.

You know what I akin my thought pattern to? Think of a person who is standing out of the window in a burning building, they jump. It's not because they aren't afraid of the fall. They are just as afraid of the fall as anybody else. It's the fear of the encroaching fire behind them and the fear of an even worse fate that makes them jump. Think of applying that to yourself. To me the reason I want to ctb so badly is because I'm afraid of what my life would be like if I didn't. I'm not afraid of death personally, I'm afraid of the idea of leaving something behind that could somehow help somebody else. The fear of living this way forever though haunts me more than anything. It's not that i I'm afraid of the fall, I'm afraid of the fire.

I live every day in perpetual darkness. I don't know how to correct the pain I feel so consistently. I long for a way out. It's sickening to think everything has come this far. Someone please help me. I want to outrun the fire! I don't want to jump!

I think some people here truly understand each other. That's wonderful. We need community. It's honestly the only thing that keeps me here. My community and my friends I've met here. I love to let them know my care, my fight for them is real. I will always back up mine. I just try to shadow the real pain inside me.

I have things picked out for the final days. I'll sit back listening to my favorite songs (nin hurt, kenna hellbent), lay down in my bed, lights low, at night, holding my best friend/partner close to me, and leave.

These will be my last words when the time comes.

A tout le monde, a tout mes amis, je vous aime, je dois partir.

I'm on everyone's side thought. Be thoughtful. Be loving. Be accepting. Give people some love.

 

[Jean Améry]

This is an eloquent expression and elaboration on the suicidal condition. I've often thought this existence is a nightmare. Perhaps death will be the awakening, perhaps not.

Your post reminds me of Schopenhauer's essay on suicide:

"When, in some dreadful and ghastly dream, we reach the moment of greatest horror, it awakes us; thereby banishing all the hideous shapes that were born of the night. And life is a dream: when the moment of greatest horror compels us to break it off, the same thing happens." (https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/schopenhauer/arthur/pessimism/chapter3.html)

Take care.

 

[omoidarui]

You know what I akin my thought pattern to? Think of a person who is standing out of the window in a burning building, they jump. It's not because they aren't afraid of the fall.

Did you mean to quote David Foster Wallace? Because that would be pree' amazing your words are the same as his if you didn't

Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors.

 

[Centerism]

This is an eloquent expression and elaboration on the suicidal condition. I've often thought this existence is a nightmare. Perhaps death will be the awakening, perhaps not.

Your post reminds me of Schopenhauer's essay on suicide:

"When, in some dreadful and ghastly dream, we reach the moment of greatest horror, it awakes us; thereby banishing all the hideous shapes that were born of the night. And life is a dream: when the moment of greatest horror compels us to break it off, the same thing happens." (https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/s/schopenhauer/arthur/pessimism/chapter3.html)

Take care.

Perhaps this life is the dream. Maybe we will wake up on the other side. Hopes, I've been taught, rarely come true.

I have read that before. Beautiful. Thank you.

Did you mean to quote David Foster Wallace? Because that would be pree' amazing your words are the same as his if you didn't

Yes I did. Sorry. I was reading that and thought it would go perfect with my thought pattern.

 

[pole]

Hey family,
I woke up this morning thinking i out ran a nightmare, only you realize that I woke up into a nightmare. I didn't want to wake up today. I thought I was having a better time asleep. That's sad. It's like a reverse nightmare though. You know when you wake up from a nightmare and you're so relieved? I woke up into a nightmare.

You know what I akin my thought pattern to? Think of a person who is standing out of the window in a burning building, they jump. It's not because they aren't afraid of the fall. They are just as afraid of the fall as anybody else. It's the fear of the encroaching fire behind them and the fear of an even worse fate that makes them jump. Think of applying that to yourself. To me the reason I want to ctb so badly is because I'm afraid of what my life would be like if I didn't. I'm not afraid of death personally, I'm afraid of the idea of leaving something behind that could somehow help somebody else. The fear of living this way forever though haunts me more than anything. It's not that i I'm afraid of the fall, I'm afraid of the fire.

I live every day in perpetual darkness. I don't know how to correct the pain I feel so consistently. I long for a way out. It's sickening to think everything has come this far. Someone please help me. I want to outrun the fire! I don't want to jump!

I think some people here truly understand each other. That's wonderful. We need community. It's honestly the only thing that keeps me here. My community and my friends I've met here. I love to let them know my care, my fight for them is real. I will always back up mine. I just try to shadow the real pain inside me.

I have things picked out for the final days. I'll sit back listening to my favorite songs (nin hurt, kenna hellbent), lay down in my bed, lights low, at night, holding my best friend/partner close to me, and leave.

These will be my last words when the time comes.

A tout le monde, a tout mes amis, je vous aime, je dois partir.

I'm on everyone's side thought. Be thoughtful. Be loving. Be accepting. Give people some love.

You seem like such a great person, hurts to know you're in pain. hope you find peace and happiness.

 

[Centerism]

You seem like such a great person, hurts to know you're in pain. hope you find peace and happiness.

Thank you. I wish the same for you.

 

[KiraComplex]

How will you ctb? Curious.

 

[Centerism]

My method is H/f

 

[JimFord99]

Have a peaceful journey. All the best wishes and RIP.

 

[eve2004]

"Someone please help me. I want to outrun the fire! I don't want to jump!"

Am I correct to understand that you'd like to find an alternative to CTB, or in other words a way to cope with being not dead... Don't want to say "alive" because sometimes we don't feel being "alive" is possible but "not dead" may be more attainable first...

Lean on this community to stay "not dead". For most of us this is the only place we feel "safe" and accepted. Don't look too far forward, that's overwhelming and a lot of pressure. Just chat with people here, survive the night, the morning, the afternoon, one moment at a time...

I like the version by Sylvain Cossette but Brel is the original.

La Quête (Brel)
Rêver un impossible rêve
Porter le chagrin des départs
Brûler d'une possible fièvre
Partir où personne ne part
Aimer jusqu'à la déchirure
Aimer, même trop, même mal,
Tenter, sans force et sans armure,
D'atteindre l'inaccessible étoile
Telle est ma quête,
Suivre l'étoile
Peu m'importent mes chances
Peu m'importe le temps
Ou ma désespérance
Et puis lutter toujours
Sans questions ni repos
Se damner
Pour l'or d'un mot d'amour
Je ne sais si je serai ce héros
Mais mon cœur serait tranquille
Et les villes s'éclabousseraient de bleu
Parce qu'un malheureux
Brûle encore, bien qu'ayant tout brûlé
Brûle encore, même trop, même mal
Pour atteindre à s'en écarteler
Pour atteindre l'inaccessible étoile.

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

Hey family,
I woke up this morning thinking i out ran a nightmare, only you realize that I woke up into a nightmare. I didn't want to wake up today. I thought I was having a better time asleep. That's sad. It's like a reverse nightmare though. You know when you wake up from a nightmare and you're so relieved? I woke up into a nightmare.

I feel that way very, very often. Hope You will find peace

 

[Wayfaerer]

I

Hey family,
I woke up this morning thinking i out ran a nightmare, only you realize that I woke up into a nightmare. I didn't want to wake up today. I thought I was having a better time asleep. That's sad. It's like a reverse nightmare though. You know when you wake up from a nightmare and you're so relieved? I woke up into a nightmare.

I've felt exactly this for almost a decade now. I'd even used the same words and all.

Good luck in your endeavor.

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

Hey family,
I woke up this morning thinking i out ran a nightmare, only you realize that I woke up into a nightmare. I didn't want to wake up today. I thought I was having a better time asleep. That's sad. It's like a reverse nightmare though. You know when you wake up from a nightmare and you're so relieved? I woke up into a nightmare.

You know what I akin my thought pattern to? Think of a person who is standing out of the window in a burning building, they jump. It's not because they aren't afraid of the fall. They are just as afraid of the fall as anybody else. It's the fear of the encroaching fire behind them and the fear of an even worse fate that makes them jump. Think of applying that to yourself. To me the reason I want to ctb so badly is because I'm afraid of what my life would be like if I didn't. I'm not afraid of death personally, I'm afraid of the idea of leaving something behind that could somehow help somebody else. The fear of living this way forever though haunts me more than anything. It's not that i I'm afraid of the fall, I'm afraid of the fire.

I live every day in perpetual darkness. I don't know how to correct the pain I feel so consistently. I long for a way out. It's sickening to think everything has come this far. Someone please help me. I want to outrun the fire! I don't want to jump!

I think some people here truly understand each other. That's wonderful. We need community. It's honestly the only thing that keeps me here. My community and my friends I've met here. I love to let them know my care, my fight for them is real. I will always back up mine. I just try to shadow the real pain inside me.

I have things picked out for the final days. I'll sit back listening to my favorite songs (nin hurt, kenna hellbent), lay down in my bed, lights low, at night, holding my best friend/partner close to me, and leave.

These will be my last words when the time comes.

A tout le monde, a tout mes amis, je vous aime, je dois partir.

I'm on everyone's side thought. Be thoughtful. Be loving. Be accepting. Give people some love.

For me, sleep is better than waking life with or without nightmares. Honestly, I think a lot of us here probably feel much the same on that front. It's gonna be sad to see you go if you so choose.

 

[Centerism]

For me, sleep is better than waking life with or without nightmares. Honestly, I think a lot of us here probably feel much the same on that front. It's gonna be sad to see you go if you so choose.

I'm still here today. I don't know why though. One of my most understanding friends tragically died last night from drinking too much. His liver couldn't handle it. He was such a vibrant person and had so much going for him. He just didn't deserve what he got. I wish I could trade places with him.

 

[xXSarac3nSlay3rXx]

I'm still here today. I don't know why though. One of my most understanding friends tragically died last night from drinking too much. His liver couldn't handle it. He was such a vibrant person and had so much going for him. He just didn't deserve what he got. I wish I could trade places with him.

I don't get it either. I guess they say that "the good die young." Obviously that isn't always true, but it often is. I often find myself wishing I could trade my life with someone who wanted to live, but died tragically. Sadly, the world doesn't work that way. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[KiraComplex]

I'm still here today. I don't know why though. One of my most understanding friends tragically died last night from drinking too much. His liver couldn't handle it. He was such a vibrant person and had so much going for him. He just didn't deserve what he got. I wish I could trade places with him.

Im so sorry