Venting TO ALL BIPOLARS isn't life an illusion?

[Lucifer'sRight]

when you're high - life almost happens at a few levels at once, all problems are solvable, including ancient existential problems, you're not egotistical, but you want to be able to learn anything, because someone might use it someday, challenges are exciting, challenges are what you normally in your depressive state consider devastating tragedies, you're not overly self-absorbed but you see and enjoy all the gestures you make, the tone of your voice, your social thoughts, what you ask the world instantly answers, just as if it'd know what you're thinking, synchronicity everywhere, you're focused, you're responsive, you read people's thoughts, things unfold on their own, all you need to do is just gently focus your mind in a certain direction, and again - the world - normally a pit of despair, a pile of emptiness and shit - so interesting, mysterious and definitely going forward, you could even be happy if they'd lock you in prison, because you're UNCONDITIONAL. you're build of infinite energy that can take on any form. there's infinite personalities in you, but you're coherent, you're you, you're authentic. you're waiting for yourself to happen everyday, happy to reject and destroy and let go, because it is POSSIBLE for something completely new to happen. because true purity is possible. spontaneity is your nature, and what matters is only the moments you give and take. people - you've got fair judgement, no one to distrust because your root, your intuition is there to point out anything you need to know, for the lack of a better term you're the offspring of goddesses and gods. you don't need drugs, you're independent of failure, because failure can only happen on the outside, and you're already whole and safely cradled in your deep inside...
until you're not. something reminds you of something else, and before you know it you're rotting away in your bed. you deteriorate, but without end. you're being destroyed continuously, but there isn't a sweet climax in it, no death. no relief. just goblins gnawing at your flesh. so... where did it go? where did you go?
where's the world that you know? how is possible that the most of you lays dormant underneath?
but obviously society has already decided, no question about the nature of reality there. you're manic depressive, that's all. none of this was real, you're just sick. you just need to start feeling normal and behave. so..
please feel free to share your manic depressive experiences and the judgement, the conclusions you have about them. anything you can. I'll gladly read it no matter how long. details appreciated as well. ♡♡♡

 

[WornOutLife]

I can totally relate.
I think we're probably living in a simulation.
I don't know what's real anymore lol.

 

[Lucifer'sRight]

I can totally relate.
I think we're probably living in a simulation.
I don't know what's real anymore lol.

in that case I need to contact the programmer xd

 

[nohopeleft69]

I've said many times while manic
it's like I'm in a video game. And I play well too, when i play that game I'm all in. People around me become 'bots' and I test that theory. In the moment I truly believe they are computer programmed and so they cant think like me, outside the box. My last trip to the psych ward I had convinced myself on the car ride(was brought by cops) that I had died and was headed to heaven. When I got there it was more like hell and I couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong. That episode lasted almost 4 weeks...and was still in effect when I left the ward. When I'm manic my mind does these weird time jumps. Like one minute I'm from the past(I've thought I was jesus....), the next I'm foretelling the future and writing a new bible. I also tend to believe I've discovered the secret sins of the collective modern world, and so I preach about what "we've done". I could go on and on but tbh, even though I know it's not a rational mindset, I'd prefer it anyday to the deadly depression that usually follows. I have a lot of writing from when I'm manic and alot of it completely delusional, but some is downright hysterical and I guess, I'm alot more interesting when manic. But I honestly hate being me, except for when I'm in my manic state.

 

[freedompass]

when you're high - life almost happens at a few levels at once, all problems are solvable, including ancient existential problems, you're not egotistical, but you want to be able to learn anything, because someone might use it someday, challenges are exciting, challenges are what you normally in your depressive state consider devastating tragedies, you're not overly self-absorbed but you see and enjoy all the gestures you make, the tone of your voice, your social thoughts, what you ask the world instantly answers, just as if it'd know what you're thinking, synchronicity everywhere, you're focused, you're responsive, you read people's thoughts, things unfold on their own, all you need to do is just gently focus your mind in a certain direction, and again - the world - normally a pit of despair, a pile of emptiness and shit - so interesting, mysterious and definitely going forward, you could even be happy if they'd lock you in prison, because you're UNCONDITIONAL. you're build of infinite energy that can take on any form. there's infinite personalities in you, but you're coherent, you're you, you're authentic. you're waiting for yourself to happen everyday, happy to reject and destroy and let go, because it is POSSIBLE for something completely new to happen. because true purity is possible. spontaneity is your nature, and what matters is only the moments you give and take. people - you've got fair judgement, no one to distrust because your root, your intuition is there to point out anything you need to know, for the lack of a better term you're the offspring of goddesses and gods. you don't need drugs, you're independent of failure, because failure can only happen on the outside, and you're already whole and safely cradled in your deep inside...
until you're not. something reminds you of something else, and before you know it you're rotting away in your bed. you deteriorate, but without end. you're being destroyed continuously, but there isn't a sweet climax in it, no death. no relief. just goblins gnawing at your flesh. so... where did it go? where did you go?
where's the world that you know? how is possible that the most of you lays dormant underneath?
but obviously society has already decided, no question about the nature of reality there. you're manic depressive, that's all. none of this was real, you're just sick. you just need to start feeling normal and behave. so..
please feel free to share your manic depressive experiences and the judgement, the conclusions you have about them. anything you can. I'll gladly read it no matter how long. details appreciated as well. ♡♡♡

I've rarely read anything that so accurately describes the manic state. Thanks for sharing, I'm kinda depressed right now so it's hard to think what to say. But oh my. When manic these days I become soooo delusional. Ever heard of erotomania? It's where you think a well known or high status person is in love with you or that you're having an affair with them. Super embarrassing when you come to your senses but also proper weird when you have no feelings for that person whatsoever, the delusion and fevered imaginings just evaporate. Apparently women get this more than men do.

 

[its-about-time]

Highly relatable. You nailed it with every word.

I quit the meds a few months ago. I'm done trying to control the rollercoaster. I'm just a jellyfish now. The drops are just as exhilarating as the rises when you stop caring about how you feel and instead just focus on feeling it. It's all a joke anyways. The devil's a funny personality and it's quite admirable really. I'm really enjoying how awful things are, and it makes them not awful anymore. My whole life has been a ridiculous disaster and at least this last month it's become more of a masterpiece, a hilarious tale of everything going wrong, and now I'm just egging more things to go wrong. But I feel good about it. I laugh a lot. I'm highly amused. And I'm noticing everything. Crawled under my deck to look at lizards last week. It's a good feeling. More importantly, nothing really has consequence, and I'm good with that. There's not much difference between living or dying to me. No difference in emotional significance for sure. Maybe one day I'll just drink my SN. It's a fun thought. I expect everything to remain awful, and I'm done trying to make it better, so I'm embracing the suckiness and at least having some fun with it. I just spent my entire savings on a new truck today lol, I'm at least gonna be focused on hitting the gas. Who cares if I'm broke. I'm just a little jellyfish. Strikes me as weird to feel so good and so ready to kill myself at any moment, but hey, I'm here for it.

 

[BigG91]

It's all a grand illusion.
You are really yourself only when you are not on medications.

 

[thedaywillcome]

For me it is not. I can feel the emotional pain. Thats not illusion.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I don't have BIPOLAR, but when I take Oxycodone I feel so positive and hopeful that I decide I should keep trying for at least another few years - then when I wake up the next day, I feel like I'll probably kill myself in the next few months. Your life-perspective is all one big fat serotonin and dopamine befuddled fantasy, isn't it really? There is no way to see THE TRUTH!