Tired

[jussrav]

Where do I start. I am troubled badly troubled. I spoke to a suicide prevention line and even she was lost for words for what I've been through and said she doesn't blame me for wanting to end it. My life is messed up. Brain tumour , illness long covid twice. Still suffering. Mental health in tatters. Can't function, doctors don't care stopped all my meds. No job, could have gone on holiday refused now I am destined to sleep 5 hours a day for the rest of my life. I have screwed up my mental health badly. Can't watch tv, read nothing. Pre covid I was a correctional officer in a prison telling people above me how to do things. Today went for an interview and messed it up. Never felt so crap in my life about myself. Noone cares. No siblings noone. I have few friends and I just feel miserable all day. Can't sleep wake up hourly. Feel sick can't eat much. Have to force myself to do things. Nothing is relaxing just tiring. I wake up in the morning with bad headaches and struggle at 4am. I have to get up at thst time no choice I have messed up my mental health. This is punishment tried to get sn not that easy. Was thinking hanging. Overdosed on 50 painkillers ended up nearly dead but survived it. My life is awful.

 

[chris1979]

So sorry to hear this. It sounds so difficult.

Are you able to get treatment for the brain tumour?

 

[jussrav]

So sorry to hear this. It sounds so difficult.

Are you able to get treatment for the brain tumour?

You know what the worst thing is they say my tumour won't kill me. I may go blind if it gets bigger but it won't kill me. So there goes that. The worst thing is because I wasn't working I had a tenant stay in my flat. My mum said let's go holiday I was too busy thinking oh will stay with tenant. Bad move we ended up fighting, her breaking things, accumulating massive energy bill and me messing up my mental health further being in my flat. So I could have had a great holiday and got a bit better instead I got worse. Sorry to rant but I am just a human mistake.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you are going through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence with no straightforward way to just permanently leave in peace. I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die.

 

[EternalPain]

It's horrible that you have to feel like that. Life just doesn't give everyone the same chances but people with more fortune always expect you to be fine with it. I'm not sure it matters, but I don't think you're a human mistake. It sounds like you did the best you could, and you're not to blame for it. Is there anything or anyone that still gives you hope? A pet, a friend, a hobby, just anything to make life bearable or even good at times?

 

[jussrav]

That sounds really horrible what you are going through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence with no straightforward way to just permanently leave in peace. I hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to die.

Funeral City thats how I feel. I have no idea what to do now. I have been sectioned twice nearly got sectioned again but refused it was the worst mental hospital in country. I can't live like this. I made one mistake in covid to see a friend. I had no idea she was ill. This haunts me all the time. The regret. I loved my life I had everything. Covid ruined me.So what do I do with this pointless existence. I am trying to find another way to end it because I cant get sn. I am even trying to get a job in a pharmacy so I can get the tablets to overdose as my doctor won't give me any. And by the way my psychiatrist is trying to drive me mad by stopping all my meds and not giving me any. Not to mention I get treated like utter shit from everyone from doctors to counsellors to crisis workers. People are enjoying my downfall. I need to die.

It's horrible that you have to feel like that. Life just doesn't give everyone the same chances but people with more fortune always expect you to be fine with it. I'm not sure it matters, but I don't think you're a human mistake. It sounds like you did the best you could, and you're not to blame for it. Is there anything or anyone that still gives you hope? A pet, a friend, a hobby, just anything to make life bearable or even good at times?

Thankyou eternal pain. Your comment gave me a moment of happiness and a smile that someone out there cares. I rarely feel this. I always fe bad. I was going to get a rabbit bit I didn't have funds but will get one. I tried to do a hobby. I was a prison officer and loved martial arts was doing it before I got injured doing a tumble. Now I have really bad shoulder pain and sciatica. I like swimming. I go alone to restaurants as I dont have many friends and I know I am not great company. I used to like movies alot before and went with my mum so I could go again or go out with her. Thanks

It's horrible that you have to feel like that. Life just doesn't give everyone the same chances but people with more fortune always expect you to be fine with it. I'm not sure it matters, but I don't think you're a human mistake. It sounds like you did the best you could, and you're not to blame for it. Is there anything or anyone that still gives you hope? A pet, a friend, a hobby, just anything to make life bearable or even good at times?

Thankyou eternal pain. Your comment gave me a moment of happiness and a smile that someone out there cares. I rarely feel this. I always fe bad. I was going to get a rabbit bit I didn't have funds but will get one. I tried to do a hobby. I was a prison officer and loved martial arts was doing it before I got injured doing a tumble. Now I have really bad shoulder pain and sciatica. I like swimming. I go alone to restaurants as I dont have many friends and I know I am not great company. I used to like movies alot before and went with my mum so I could go again or go out with her. Thanks