Venting Tired of Trying to Get Close to Others

[homesoon.]

I feel defective or broken.
I feel as though I am incapable of reading a fucking room in a way that doesn't make me feel like an idiot in the end.
I feel as though I end up pushing everyone away, no matter how hard I try to be honest and sincere.
I feel as though I keep being self-destructive and fucking up the relationships I try to make work.
I feel so fucking sick of it.
I feel so sick of fucking trying.
I feel like every day, I get a smudge closer to just being fucking done with it.
I feel sick of trying to be myself and every moment just not feeling enough,
I feel sick of doing this over and over and over and over.
I am tired of others hurting me.
I am tired of hurting myself.

 

[lovedread]

i def relate to this...its exhausting to try to form relationships with other people. its really draining bc u have to think hard abt how the other person perceive. but at least youre still trying. youre not an idiot for not being able to read social cues..theyre really complex and hard and most ppl struggle with that. i hope u find someone who understands u and makes u feel like youre enough

 

[5xJinx]

I feel defective or broken.
I feel as though I am incapable of reading a fucking room in a way that doesn't make me feel like an idiot in the end.
I feel as though I end up pushing everyone away, no matter how hard I try to be honest and sincere.
I feel as though I keep being self-destructive and fucking up the relationships I try to make work.
I feel so fucking sick of it.
I feel so sick of fucking trying.
I feel like every day, I get a smudge closer to just being fucking done with it.
I feel sick of trying to be myself and every moment just not feeling enough,
I feel sick of doing this over and over and over and over.
I am tired of hurting myself.

Same
BPD is an absolute Hell of a curse

Though the part about others hurting you has nothing to do with the BPD and is not our fault