Tired of pretending things are normal

[username12345]

This guy has stalked me for over two years and he only gets worse and worse. I thought he was just your average aggressive douchebag but it's gotten to the point of assault now and I really don't know what to do. Everyone loves him and no one believes me cause I'm just the crazy tranny and even then restraining orders are known to not help people. He has seriously negatively impacted my life and I moved several times to get away from him even dealing with abuse from family to get away from him but it was no use and I just ended up homeless. I'm not homeless anymore but I probably will be again. I just don't get the point of life anymore all it ever is is trying to get around him.

I try to just believe it's not real to get through the day but he's always pulling the same shit of showing up somewhere and causing a scene and getting everyone to coddle him and villainize the tranny that's minding his business. Even to the point of saying I was being sexual getting the mail and lying about me to people right in front of my house to cover up the fact that he got a boner smh. And if things were somehow a coincidence normally people would say something at some point but no he is just always like slender man in the background until he throws a fit about something and he has been a bully from day 1. Like that's the douchebag thing at first, but then everything has gotten so bad that I was homeless sleeping on soil and when I went to a bathroom one time someone tried to force their way into the bathroom and then locked me in from the outside so I couldn't get out of the bathroom and just left me there and then when I was half awake and also high someone started touching me when I was asleep on the soil and I can only imagine it was probably him cause it was the same annoying aggravated voice. There is this list of sexual abuses and idk how much he has done but I wouldn't be surprised with a lot of them.

The point is I don't have any family or friends or support system so I'm never gonna get any help with this. It's been years of this and I don't think things are ever gonna get better just worse and worse. I honestly get scared he's gonna full on rape me or physically hurt me now because he has already gotten way worse. And it's crazy cause he is really over critical when he has no reason to be but him hate criming me and being abusive is okay? I don't get it I just want out of this. Im tired of being scared and struggling dealing with him. Im tired of feeling crazy for obviously being upset about this. He has constantly gotten in the way of my life and not in a positive way how people normally are. He never talks to me he just always randomly shows up to humiliate me and act all angry and aggressive. His only emotions are anger and lust that's all I've gathered for over 2 years. I'm not a toy and I was already struggling which has made him feel empowered to take advantage of me. Now my life has gone from bad to worse when I don't think it would've been this bad if he just left me alone. I wouldn't have had to constantly move and try to get away from him. I wouldn't have ended up homeless only for him to be even more abusive with such an opportunity!

It's not funny it's not cute this has seriously made me suicidal for two years now and I'm so tired of it! Things are never going to get better he is always just gonna be weird and creepy and abusive!Call me crazy, but abuse kills people, even from the stress eventually, so like why wait for him to get too angry or for the health complications for this bullshit to be over?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Have you got documented evidence of this? I really think you should try for a restraining order. I know you mentioned you don't think they work but, how do you know for sure? It likely depends on how worried he is about being in trouble with the police. Presumably, you can report him if he breaks the restraining order. Maybe with enough official complaints, he'll take the hint. You would need evidence I expect though. I doubt they issue them on hearsay.

If that's too much of a step though, I imagine there must be charities who will assess your situation, advise whether you have a strong enough case and how to proceed. There's even a helpline in some countries (of course) although- I'm clueless on how much help it would be. All the time you do nothing though- he's absolutely free to continue. It doesn't sound like he'll just stop. Sadly, I think you need some help to stop him. I hope someone listens and supports you.

 

[username12345]

Have you got documented evidence of this? I really think you should try for a restraining order. I know you mentioned you don't think they work but, how do you know for sure? It likely depends on how worried he is about being in trouble with the police. Presumably, you can report him if he breaks the restraining order. Maybe with enough official complaints, he'll take the hint. You would need evidence I expect though. I doubt they issue them on hearsay.

If that's too much of a step though, I imagine there must be charities who will assess your situation, advise whether you have a strong enough case and how to proceed. There's even a helpline in some countries (of course) although- I'm clueless on how much help it would be. All the time you do nothing though- he's absolutely free to continue. It doesn't sound like he'll just stop. Sadly, I think you need some help to stop him. I hope someone listens and supports you.

Thank you for your comment. Part of the problem is is that since he has had way more of a support system than I have and I have not been passing for the most part, it's really easy to just write me off as the "crazy tranny." He is really manipulative and acts like a big baby always getting everyone to coddle him even when he is the one hate criming/discriminating. Like he showed up and caused a big scene and hid in the bathroom while getting people to coddle him on transgender day of remembrance…and he wasn't there when I was there and I don't talk to him and he doesn't talk to me. That's not exactly a hate crime, but the other things mentioned are. The point his he is really good at triangulating and being self centered so there's just not much you can do if you don't have a support system. He knows this which is why I make such an easy target for him cause he knows no one is gonna help me or believe me.
I've read lots of testimonies and even like a 30 page study about stalking and they just won't stop until they do something violent enough to go to jail or if they die or the person they're stalking does. I don't want him to die obviously and I don't know what else to do so that's why I've just resorted to suicide cause it's the only way to get away from him. I have an approved police report about the simple assault but the company where it happened won't say who it was. I think I can take a good guess, though. He also uses being BIPOC as an excuse for this behavior but I don't know very many people of color that act like this? And people obviously try to excuse it, too, but I don't get why his transphobia and bullying and sexual abuse and violence is okay just cause he's a person of color? I don't know his name so I don't know how I would even file for a restraining order. I mean, I have given him the benefit of the doubt more times than he is owed. I've also done a lot to be supportive thinking that would get him to leave me alone and also stop playing the victim. I also already had PTSD and also physical conditions so he's also ableist thinking he should be able to get amusement at my expense.

It's weird it's like he's both given me the silent treatment and won't leave me alone for over two years but yeah he's just gotten worse and worse. With how much worse he's gotten like with the assault(s) and constant angry outbursts I'm starting to accept he's not just a douchebag but serious abuser. He has never apologized or made up for anything, either. He only ever gets worse. When I've tried to get help in the past no one's believed me so it's my only choice. There are more resources for stalking in Europe but I'm in the US unfortunately.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you for your comment. Part of the problem is is that since he has had way more of a support system than I have and I have not been passing for the most part, it's really easy to just write me off as the "crazy tranny." He is really manipulative and acts like a big baby always getting everyone to coddle him even when he is the one hate criming/discriminating. Like he showed up and caused a big scene and hid in the bathroom while getting people to coddle him on transgender day of remembrance…and he wasn't there when I was there and I don't talk to him and he doesn't talk to me. That's not exactly a hate crime, but the other things mentioned are. The point his he is really good at triangulating and being self centered so there's just not much you can do if you don't have a support system. He knows this which is why I make such an easy target for him cause he knows no one is gonna help me or believe me.
I've read lots of testimonies and even like a 30 page study about stalking and they just won't stop until they do something violent enough to go to jail or if they die or the person they're stalking does. I don't want him to die obviously and I don't know what else to do so that's why I've just resorted to suicide cause it's the only way to get away from him. I have an approved police report about the simple assault but the company where it happened won't say who it was. I think I can take a good guess, though. He also uses being BIPOC as an excuse for this behavior but I don't know very many people of color that act like this? And people obviously try to excuse it, too, but I don't get why his transphobia and bullying and sexual abuse and violence is okay just cause he's a person of color? I don't know his name so I don't know how I would even file for a restraining order. I mean, I have given him the benefit of the doubt more times than he is owed. I've also done a lot to be supportive thinking that would get him to leave me alone and also stop playing the victim. I also already had PTSD and also physical conditions so he's also ableist thinking he should be able to get amusement at my expense.

It's weird it's like he's both given me the silent treatment and won't leave me alone for over two years but yeah he's just gotten worse and worse. With how much worse he's gotten like with the assault(s) and constant angry outbursts I'm starting to accept he's not just a douchebag but serious abuser. He has never apologized or made up for anything, either. He only ever gets worse. When I've tried to get help in the past no one's believed me so it's my only choice. There are more resources for stalking in Europe but I'm in the US unfortunately.

I feel terrible for you because it must be terrifying. I do know what it's like to be scared of someone and what they might do next (a suspected narcissist) but, it's nothing like this.

He sounds clever too- like you say- acting through a third party. I absolutely think you need to be trying to collect evidence from now on though. Witnesses, recordings even etc. I'm guessing he doesn't contact you via social media or anything?

I'd hope that some sort of charity could at least listen to you and advise you on what to do. It's appalling that this guy has such a hold over your life. If it's only him that's making you want to suicide (not using the word 'only' to diminish it by any means,) then- that's absolutely heart breaking that one person can drive another to suicide. I can see why it would though. I just only hope you can get some help before it does. I do really think you need outside help though. Even if it's advice. Even if it's a call to a suicide hotline in fact. Wouldn't hurt them to log how badly this is affecting you. Obviously- you need to be wary of not posing so much risk to yourself you get sectioned.

I almost see it like a game of chess though but obviously- way more serious. But, he's making all the moves. He has all the power at the moment. I think you need to find better ways of opposing him. Like- I know you have- moving away and everything but- it's scary that you were so (understandably) desperate that you ended up homeless and effectively- more vulnerable. I feel like there have to be better ways. I just don't know what they are. I'm sorry.

 

[username12345]

I feel terrible for you because it must be terrifying. I do know what it's like to be scared of someone and what they might do next (a suspected narcissist) but, it's nothing like this.

He sounds clever too- like you say- acting through a third party. I absolutely think you need to be trying to collect evidence from now on though. Witnesses, recordings even etc. I'm guessing he doesn't contact you via social media or anything?

I'd hope that some sort of charity could at least listen to you and advise you on what to do. It's appalling that this guy has such a hold over your life. If it's only him that's making you want to suicide (not using the word 'only' to diminish it by any means,) then- that's absolutely heart breaking that one person can drive another to suicide. I can see why it would though. I just only hope you can get some help before it does. I do really think you need outside help though. Even if it's advice. Even if it's a call to a suicide hotline in fact. Wouldn't hurt them to log how badly this is affecting you. Obviously- you need to be wary of not posing so much risk to yourself you get sectioned.

I almost see it like a game of chess though but obviously- way more serious. But, he's making all the moves. He has all the power at the moment. I think you need to find better ways of opposing him. Like- I know you have- moving away and everything but- it's scary that you were so (understandably) desperate that you ended up homeless and effectively- more vulnerable. I feel like there have to be better ways. I just don't know what they are. I'm sorry.

It's okay, thanks for listening, anyways. Yeah everything is a fun game to him and everything is on his terms. I was already struggling with losing family and friends and previous opportunities and supports from transitioning which is why he has had this opportunity to target me for the past two years. If I had a support system he would've have gotten away with it, but I don't and he does. I don't know, I just don't think anything is going to get better anymore. He has made my life so much worse when I was already struggling and he only gets worse. I just want out of this.