Venting Tired of people invalidating my feelings.

[lovelypirategirl]

Hey there dear SS friends,

It's been almost a year since last time I posted something here.

The last part of 2020 was actually pretty cool for me. I was stable and I even felt happy. I finally started to have a boyfriend (one of my huge issues... being single for almost 13 years), I was in a comfort zone (not working and using the covid situation as an excuse for not looking for a job), I got diagnosed with lupus (which explains my extreme fatigue), and well everything seemed right, until February this year.

I started a new job, which set my under too much pressure, I started to have again panic attacks, I started to feel again useless and stupid. I also had an hypomania episode where I started to spend money in random shit, I quit impulsively and applied to tons of new jobs. Then after this I went again to a super depressive mode mixed with anxiety, where I'm stuck at right now.

I feel like a crazy person, I feel so alone, I feel so desperate. I don't want to keep feeling like this, but it seems like if it's a curse... I only had 6 months of stability and the again all the usual shitstorm. I have physicall pain from lupus, hormonal issues due to my PCOS, and all the mental shitshow due to my Bipolar 2 and my adult ADHD.

I'm so jealous of people who don't have as an enemy their minds.

I hate when I express my feelings (specially during a crisis) and the things I only get are "oh don't worry, we all go through ups and downs, you'll be fine", or "you look so normal, there's no way you are bipolar", or "you look so healthy, your mind is just making up those things". I feel so lonely and misunderstood. I just wanna be hugged and safe, I can't stand this anymore.

My whole life I've always paid for psychologists, psychiatrists, medicines, alternative medicine, changing my lifestyle and NOTHING has helped. Am I broken? Can't wait to go CTB.

Actually on Thursday I'm going to the notary to draft my will, and slowly I'm starting to organize all my documents, properties, and assets so there's not a freaking mess for my mom and sister.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I get where you're coming from. People with their hollow platitudes and vague reassurances just exabberate the entire problem while ignoring the fact that this obviously is making you worse off. Its sad that we literally have to reach out to strangers to be understood. Says a lot about societies attitude towards those struggling with mental and physical issues. Unless you're famous or rich. Then its tragic. Fuck this shitty and selfish world....

 

[WornOutLife]

My mind is certainly my biggest enemy too.

Btw, we joined SS the same day! Crazy!!

 

[lovelypirategirl]

My mind is certainly my biggest enemy too.

Btw, we joined SS the same day! Craz

My mind is certainly my biggest enemy too.

Btw, we joined SS the same day! Crazy!!

Omg!! That's true! We both joined SS on the same day... I guess that makes us "hermanos de SS"?
Saludos hasta Argentina!

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I have lupus too. What started out four years ago as swollen feet and ankles eventually progressed to whole body joint and muscle pain. Only got a proper diagnosis in 2019 after being hospitalised. Before that, I was taken on a doctor-shopping tour of alternative treatments for arthritis. The loss of mobility sent me into a downward spiral of fear and anxiety. Even though now my symptoms are under control, with the exception of the occasional flare-up, I'm already too far down the rabbit-hole to give a damn about life.

I hate when I express my feelings (specially during a crisis) and the things I only get are "oh don't worry, we all go through ups and downs, you'll be fine", or "you look so normal, there's no way you are bipolar", or "you look so healthy, your mind is just making up those things". I feel so lonely and misunderstood. I just wanna be hugged and safe, I can't stand this anymore.

I feel you. I used to lurk on Reddit. To those who live by the motto of 'grin and bear it', your bitching and moaning will most likely fall on deaf ears. The last thing I wanted was to get a face full of platitudes which, when I had my worst flare-ups, made me feel that I have no one to turn to. I'm glad to have found a place like here.

 

[BlankUser]

Having your mind as an enemy... I can relate to this so much. That's how mental illnesses feel. Most people who have a healthy functioning brain will never understand what it's like to suffer from mental illness. I've been told similar things, like "We all go through up and downs", "just smile", "it's all in your head"... No shit, of course it's in my head, I have OCD because of my messed up brain chemistry. The worst thing is that my relatives don't even know that OCD exists. I tried to explain them, send an article, a video and they're not interested. They're all like "It's not an illness, it's your excuse to justify your laziness", and also "Depression is for privileged people". I'm so tired of it. It's hopeless to talk to them. So I understand how you feel when people disregard your feelings and suffering. And physical conditions and pain make things even worse. Your feelings are valid. You've been through a lot, it's understandable you can't take it anymore. Failure after failure beats you to the ground. I'm sending virtual hugs!

 

[Bat 17]

Is your boyfriend still on the scene ? (Sorry if I missed it )

 

[Kafka]

I totally agree with you. One of the worst things is when you ask for help and you don't get it. In my experience the responder either patronises me, or blames me for how I am feeling, absolving themselves of responsibility. Last week I spoke to someone who did both in the course of one conversation.

I can totally believe that people say things like 'oh well we all have ups and downs' to you and understand why it is so frustrating.

Everyone (charities, doctors, psychologists) tell me that when I feel suicidal I should ask for help. But when I ask you just get push back. This makes me feel crazy. If this is what is happening to you then I would like to tell you that you are not crazy. Your thoughts feelings and emotions are very real. The pain they cause is very real. You deserve compassion. You deserve a hug. You deserve help.

 

[BlankUser]

In my experience the responder either patronises me, or blames me for how I am feeling, absolving themselves of responsibility. Last week I spoke to someone who did both in the course of one conversation.

This!!! This happens way too often! It happened to me many times and it just made me withdraw from people. Last thing a suicidal person needs is to be blamed for their feelings, to be mocked and belittled.
I remember my aunt asked me once how am I feeling, she told me to be honest and that she'll support me no matter what. Ok, so I told her about all of my struggles with mental health problems, severe spine injury, and suicidal thoughts. All I got in response was "You're so selfish, so immature, so childish. What did you accomplish in life that gives you right to complain?" Etc. I thanked her for adding more salt to my wounds. She made me feel even worse and I will never trust her again. And it's a very common thing that happens to many people. I'm glad there's a site like this where we can vent and be understood.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm so sorry life has come to this. Our minds do love to torture us and just being conscious can be a nightmare. Many people who haven't been there themselves do not understand and they never will. Things like therapy would never work for me, some problems cannot be fixed by talking.Living can be really difficult, we all go through so much on this earth. I wish you the best no matter what you decide to do.