flowers in the mist
dances with demons
- Aug 19, 2023
- 69
Sorry for venting, I don't usually post.. I just feel I need to let things out, which I guess is the point of venting..
But I'm just so tired of bad things constantly appearing.. As soon as I think things are getting better they just end up getting worse..
I have a decent job, a normal loving family that supports me, but I just feel so lost and broken. I have no motivation anymore.
I stopped seeing my therapist, I stopped taking all my meds. My head is spinning and I'm losing control.
My job also consists of being responsible for a bunch of employees, and it's about to go downhill considering I can't even take care of myself.
Within the past days a few things have happened:
1. A close friend has moved on. Which despite everything is for the better for them, but I miss them so much.
2. Another close friend is dealing with cancer (which I've known for a while), but recently it's getting worse and they are coming to me for emotional support while I'm a mess myself, and I don't know how to deal with it or what to do.
3. The one thing that bothers me the most (it might sound bad considering the things above) is seeing someone I care for a lot feeling broken and dead inside. I try to be there for them but they want to be alone, and keep pushing me away. Obviously I'm trying to respect that but my anxiety is eating me alive and I feel so helpless, which breaks me apart.
I feel so alone and nothing seem to help.
There are a lot of other things going on, that I've struggled with my whole life but I'm too lazy to write my life story here.
But with these new things going on I feel like I'm soon at my breaking point, which I haven't felt in a long time honestly.
I struggle with a form of major depression and BPD and they don't really make things easier to handle. I feel so unstable.
I've had SN for a long time (since my last breakpoint) but I'm just such a coward to go through with things.
I feel so bad for my family but I don't see myself doing this in the long term.
I'm not looking for answers, I just had to put it out there, since I usually just keep everything inside..
I hate this so much. :c
But I'm just so tired of bad things constantly appearing.. As soon as I think things are getting better they just end up getting worse..
I have a decent job, a normal loving family that supports me, but I just feel so lost and broken. I have no motivation anymore.
I stopped seeing my therapist, I stopped taking all my meds. My head is spinning and I'm losing control.
My job also consists of being responsible for a bunch of employees, and it's about to go downhill considering I can't even take care of myself.
Within the past days a few things have happened:
1. A close friend has moved on. Which despite everything is for the better for them, but I miss them so much.
2. Another close friend is dealing with cancer (which I've known for a while), but recently it's getting worse and they are coming to me for emotional support while I'm a mess myself, and I don't know how to deal with it or what to do.
3. The one thing that bothers me the most (it might sound bad considering the things above) is seeing someone I care for a lot feeling broken and dead inside. I try to be there for them but they want to be alone, and keep pushing me away. Obviously I'm trying to respect that but my anxiety is eating me alive and I feel so helpless, which breaks me apart.
I feel so alone and nothing seem to help.
There are a lot of other things going on, that I've struggled with my whole life but I'm too lazy to write my life story here.
But with these new things going on I feel like I'm soon at my breaking point, which I haven't felt in a long time honestly.
I struggle with a form of major depression and BPD and they don't really make things easier to handle. I feel so unstable.
I've had SN for a long time (since my last breakpoint) but I'm just such a coward to go through with things.
I feel so bad for my family but I don't see myself doing this in the long term.
I'm not looking for answers, I just had to put it out there, since I usually just keep everything inside..
I hate this so much. :c
