Venting Tired and starting to hate college

[redisblue]

I've been dreading college since Friday, which was the last time I was there. I go on Tuesdays and Fridays (so it isn't a lot) yet I don't want to go anymore. I used to enjoy it; it got me out of the house, I mostly enjoyed what I was doing and most of the people were alright. Now, everytime I go, it feels like I'm not doing anything, because I'm not. We're never set any work so what's the point going? I don't enjoy it anymore. The people don't talk to me, especially recent. I had an argument with that guy who dumped all his problems on me then dipped (we were friends and there was more to it but he made some nasty comments so I'm not too upset). We made up eventually but he won't speak to me. Nobody speaks to me. They all leave me out. What's the point in going to college if we don't do anything? What's the point in being here in general? I don't do anything. I stay in my bed and stare at the wall for hours. I just want to be okay. I felt okay last week. I had hope last week - I still do but I'm slowly getting close to the edge again. I woke up and felt myself back in that dark space that I've been in for so long. I want to leave this course so badly, but I can't, if I want some chance at a future I have to stay, even though this place makes me fucking miserable. I wish death was easier. I wish I could just pull the plug and be done with all of this. It's not my time yet, but sometimes when I have the motivation to CTB, I wish I just had the resources to get it over and done with before I think twice about it again. Everyday just feels the same, the days are passing by so quickly yet I feel I haven't and can't make any progress in my life. I feel incredibly numb but also all the emotions possible at once. I'm sick of having depression. I want it so stop. I do want to heal but I feel that I can't. I'm trying so hard, I promise I really am. Maybe I'm just having a bad day; maybe it's because I'm in college and don't want to be. Anyways, this vent was a random explosion of feelings, but I just needed to let it all out somewhere.

 

[FuneralCry]

That certainly sounds like a tiring situation to be trapped in and I understand why you would feel so much dread at the thought of going there. The reality is that in this world you just cannot trust and rely on other people, both life itself and humans can be so disappointing and of course it can be so awful when existing just continues to get worse.

 

[SilentSadness]

People do have this tendency to treat others badly, I hope it doesn't go on like this for you. Sadly, we are banned from so much as wishing to exit this painful and paradoxical universe.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I've been dreading college since Friday, which was the last time I was there. I go on Tuesdays and Fridays (so it isn't a lot) yet I don't want to go anymore. I used to enjoy it; it got me out of the house, I mostly enjoyed what I was doing and most of the people were alright. Now, everytime I go, it feels like I'm not doing anything, because I'm not. We're never set any work so what's the point going? I don't enjoy it anymore. The people don't talk to me, especially recent. I had an argument with that guy who dumped all his problems on me then dipped (we were friends and there was more to it but he made some nasty comments so I'm not too upset). We made up eventually but he won't speak to me. Nobody speaks to me. They all leave me out. What's the point in going to college if we don't do anything? What's the point in being here in general? I don't do anything. I stay in my bed and stare at the wall for hours. I just want to be okay. I felt okay last week. I had hope last week - I still do but I'm slowly getting close to the edge again. I woke up and felt myself back in that dark space that I've been in for so long. I want to leave this course so badly, but I can't, if I want some chance at a future I have to stay, even though this place makes me fucking miserable. I wish death was easier. I wish I could just pull the plug and be done with all of this. It's not my time yet, but sometimes when I have the motivation to CTB, I wish I just had the resources to get it over and done with before I think twice about it again. Everyday just feels the same, the days are passing by so quickly yet I feel I haven't and can't make any progress in my life. I feel incredibly numb but also all the emotions possible at once. I'm sick of having depression. I want it so stop. I do want to heal but I feel that I can't. I'm trying so hard, I promise I really am. Maybe I'm just having a bad day; maybe it's because I'm in college and don't want to be. Anyways, this vent was a random explosion of feelings, but I just needed to let it all out somewhere.

Well I suppose there are always options. I think the most extreme would be dropping out. Maybe you can try talking to people, that is if you're comfortable with it, and maybe they'll be receptive. I've had to do it before and I made friends that way.

It does kinda sound like college may just not be for you, if that makes sense. Either way, I hope this improves and that people are more kind to you!

 

[AngryDog]

Depression really sucks. It drains your energy and one become filled with more and more layers of nothingness everyday. Bad days are the worst, because they make suicidal ideation look like a rational solution that's only avoided by the few "good mood" days.

It's good that you're trying to get better and writing about those emotions can be useful. I know this is the hardest thing to do, but try to find out where those feelings come from. Is it something external, or internal? Life is not always pure suffering and misery, and most of the time, whether you are in a good position or not is just a matter of perspective. It's hard to see it that way when someone's struggling with depression though.

Did you use to enjoy college? If so, there must be something you like about what you're studying. And if not, maybe you're in the wrong career? Looking for things to enjoy helps too.

Anyway, I wish you to have a nice day. Take care.

 

[redisblue]

That certainly sounds like a tiring situation to be trapped in and I understand why you would feel so much dread at the thought of going there. The reality is that in this world you just cannot trust and rely on other people, both life itself and humans can be so disappointing and of course it can be so awful when existing just continues to get worse.

Thank you, I'm glad somebody understands :)

People do have this tendency to treat others badly, I hope it doesn't go on like this for you. Sadly, we are banned from so much as wishing to exit this painful and paradoxical universe.

Thank you so much :]

Well I suppose there are always options. I think the most extreme would be dropping out. Maybe you can try talking to people, that is if you're comfortable with it, and maybe they'll be receptive. I've had to do it before and I made friends that way.

It does kinda sound like college may just not be for you, if that makes sense. Either way, I hope this improves and that people are more kind to you!

I talked to my mother about dropping out of it, but currently there's no other options for me unfortunately :( I would leave college if I could though. Thank you for your kind words :D

Depression really sucks. It drains your energy and one become filled with more and more layers of nothingness everyday. Bad days are the worst, because they make suicidal ideation look like a rational solution that's only avoided by the few "good mood" days.

It's good that you're trying to get better and writing about those emotions can be useful. I know this is the hardest thing to do, but try to find out where those feelings come from. Is it something external, or internal? Life is not always pure suffering and misery, and most of the time, whether you are in a good position or not is just a matter of perspective. It's hard to see it that way when someone's struggling with depression though.

Did you use to enjoy college? If so, there must be something you like about what you're studying. And if not, maybe you're in the wrong career? Looking for things to enjoy helps too.

Anyway, I wish you to have a nice day. Take care.

It really does! And that's exactly how I feel - on the bad days it feels like there's no other option other than death. I'm not sure where these feelings come from, I wish I knew though :( I will try my best to figure that out though, if it'll help me with the way I'm currently feeling, then I should at least try :) I did used to enjoy college! I really loved what I was learning about and was confident I could do a career in it - I still am - it's just the lecturers are so unreliable and unorganised and the people in the class make me feel left out and just generally make me feel shitty. I really do love the course, it's about film and television and how films are created which is something that has always interested me, although there are times it just feels like we're just filling out forms or sitting staring at the wall doing nothing which is why I feel so unenthusiastic about it in comparison to the months of September-November. I would have loved to do an English course, but it's not available yet. Thank you for your kind words and advice friend, I really appreciate it. I wish you have a nice day too :)

 

[youwantitdarker]

Fellow uni student here, I understand completely. It's so tough, especially with the whole "uni years are the best years of your life" "you're in the prime of your life" bs. It's lonely, isolating, not to mention the societal and academic pressure.. I'm sorry, I don't have advice, but I understand

 

[redisblue]

Fellow uni student here, I understand completely. It's so tough, especially with the whole "uni years are the best years of your life" "you're in the prime of your life" bs. It's lonely, isolating, not to mention the societal and academic pressure.. I'm sorry, I don't have advice, but I understand

I'm so sorry that you understand how I feel, although I'm glad somebody gets me. I'm here if you ever need somebody to talk to :D

 

[AngryDog]

Thank you, I'm glad somebody understands :)

Thank you so much :]

I talked to my mother about dropping out of it, but currently there's no other options for me unfortunately :( I would leave college if I could though. Thank you for your kind words :D

It really does! And that's exactly how I feel - on the bad days it feels like there's no other option other than death. I'm not sure where these feelings come from, I wish I knew though :( I will try my best to figure that out though, if it'll help me with the way I'm currently feeling, then I should at least try :) I did used to enjoy college! I really loved what I was learning about and was confident I could do a career in it - I still am - it's just the lecturers are so unreliable and unorganised and the people in the class make me feel left out and just generally make me feel shitty. I really do love the course, it's about film and television and how films are created which is something that has always interested me, although there are times it just feels like we're just filling out forms or sitting staring at the wall doing nothing which is why I feel so unenthusiastic about it in comparison to the months of September-November. I would have loved to do an English course, but it's not available yet. Thank you for your kind words and advice friend, I really appreciate it. I wish you have a nice day too :)

Filmmaking is an amazing and fun career. There's so much to learn. Maybe the courses you're taking are not good themselves and other students can be a pain in the ass but it's great that you know what you like. It can be very rewarding to learn new things.

Have fun!

 

[silverswan]

if you want to go to trade school or transfer, you could do that

 

[redisblue]

if you want to go to trade school or transfer, you could do that

Unfortunately, there's no where else for me to go; there's a campus for the same college and a similar course in a city near me but I believe it's full - otherwise I probably would go. Thank you for the suggestion though :(

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Unfortunately, there's no where else for me to go; there's a campus for the same college and a similar course in a city near me but I believe it's full - otherwise I probably would go. Thank you for the suggestion though :(

Sounds like a very tough situation with little to no solution :(. If I may ask, what course are you taking?

 

[redisblue]

Sounds like a very tough situation with little to no solution :(. If I may ask, what course are you taking?

It really is :( I'm trying to stick through it though, which is failing as you can probably tell LOL! And to answer your question, I'm taking a film and television course :)

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

It really is :( I'm trying to stick through it though, which is failing as you can probably tell LOL! And to answer your question, I'm taking a film and television course :)

Ooooooh that sounds interesting. I'm still unsure of college (already graduated high school) but I'm definitely considering it! I'm thinking of doing 2 years of computer science at a community college, then transferring to a university and finishing with a bachelors in computer engineering! (I want to do community since my family can't afford it at all, and I don't want too much debt lol).

Back to you though, I think you're handling it better than you think. Obviously not the best but you're able to talk about it which is better than some. Film and television also sounds like an interesting degree to get, and hopefully if you can stick it out to the end you can get a job that you love!

 

[redisblue]

Ooooooh that sounds interesting. I'm still unsure of college (already graduated high school) but I'm definitely considering it! I'm thinking of doing 2 years of computer science at a community college, then transferring to a university and finishing with a bachelors in computer engineering! (I want to do community since my family can't afford it at all, and I don't want too much debt lol).

Back to you though, I think you're handling it better than you think. Obviously not the best but you're able to talk about it which is better than some. Film and television also sounds like an interesting degree to get, and hopefully if you can stick it out to the end you can get a job that you love!

Computer science/engineering?? Dude, that's sick! That sort of stuff is super interesting, I really hope that it all works out for you :)

And thank you, that really means a lot!

 

[neemva]

I've been dreading college since Friday, which was the last time I was there. I go on Tuesdays and Fridays (so it isn't a lot) yet I don't want to go anymore. I used to enjoy it; it got me out of the house, I mostly enjoyed what I was doing and most of the people were alright. Now, everytime I go, it feels like I'm not doing anything, because I'm not. We're never set any work so what's the point going? I don't enjoy it anymore. The people don't talk to me, especially recent. I had an argument with that guy who dumped all his problems on me then dipped (we were friends and there was more to it but he made some nasty comments so I'm not too upset). We made up eventually but he won't speak to me. Nobody speaks to me. They all leave me out. What's the point in going to college if we don't do anything? What's the point in being here in general? I don't do anything. I stay in my bed and stare at the wall for hours. I just want to be okay. I felt okay last week. I had hope last week - I still do but I'm slowly getting close to the edge again. I woke up and felt myself back in that dark space that I've been in for so long. I want to leave this course so badly, but I can't, if I want some chance at a future I have to stay, even though this place makes me fucking miserable. I wish death was easier. I wish I could just pull the plug and be done with all of this. It's not my time yet, but sometimes when I have the motivation to CTB, I wish I just had the resources to get it over and done with before I think twice about it again. Everyday just feels the same, the days are passing by so quickly yet I feel I haven't and can't make any progress in my life. I feel incredibly numb but also all the emotions possible at once. I'm sick of having depression. I want it so stop. I do want to heal but I feel that I can't. I'm trying so hard, I promise I really am. Maybe I'm just having a bad day; maybe it's because I'm in college and don't want to be. Anyways, this vent was a random explosion of feelings, but I just needed to let it all out somewhere.

I kinda relate. In my case, my friends kind of ditched me...I honestly don't even have friends anymore at all, as my mother and my so-called aunt are always lecturing me...that there is not any person your real friend, they control my thoughts a lot...I know that they are controlling me mentally, but I cannot get rid of it...and whenever I go out to the university for attending classes or exams, and whenever I feel people(students) around I feel like they all are talking about me, laughing at me, making fun of me....I hardly stop myself from crying, I cannot tell this at home...as everyone will say that it's just in your mind. Even all group projects. I've always been alone...and it has been going on for 3 years. I make weird bets, like even if someone stops and asks me anything random, like where is this department or where is this class...I won't cut today...and trust me, I've several cuts

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Computer science/engineering?? Dude, that's sick! That sort of stuff is super interesting, I really hope that it all works out for you :)

And thank you, that really means a lot!

I hope I will enjoy it. There's a lot of complicated mathematics that I'm not looking forward to lol.

And no problem, I'm happy to help you!

 

[redisblue]

I kinda relate. In my case, my friends kind of ditched me...I honestly don't even have friends anymore at all, as my mother and my so-called aunt are always lecturing me...that there is not any person your real friend, they control my thoughts a lot...I know that they are controlling me mentally, but I cannot get rid of it...and whenever I go out to the university for attending classes or exams, and whenever I feel people(students) around I feel like they all are talking about me, laughing at me, making fun of me....I hardly stop myself from crying, I cannot tell this at home...as everyone will say that it's just in your mind. Even all group projects. I've always been alone...and it has been going on for 3 years. I make weird bets, like even if someone stops and asks me anything random, like where is this department or where is this class...I won't cut today...and trust me, I've several cuts

I'm so sorry that you're going through that :( I get you with some stuff there - about how you feel like others are talking about you and laughing at you a lot. I'm here if you ever need to talk, sending lots of hugs and love :)

I hope I will enjoy it. There's a lot of complicated mathematics that I'm not looking forward to lol.

And no problem, I'm happy to help you!

I hope so too! If you don't, that's okay too :) Yeah that's a big reason I could never do anything like that! Maths is so complicated to me, I just barely passed it in high school. I wish you all the luck :D