Venting Tired and scared, constantly

[リンさん]

I wasn't made for this world. Or the other way round, doesn't matter. Point is, I feel constant pushback whenever I'm faced with the reality of this world and society and people in general.

I understand that the world can't coddle me and my feelings. But I can't help it either. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be sensitive. I don't want to be scared, I don't like that I need someone constantly there for me just so I can function socially. And because I don't have anyone, and because I still have to function and adult, I end up hurting myself in the process.

I end up anxious, depressed and lonely doing things alone which I don't want to do alone. I need help, constantly, and there's nobody who can answer this need.

I just keep pressing on and suffering because there's no other option for me now. I'm miserable. I don't event want to die. I just don't want to be this way anymore.

I may never get help I require, because I have enormous trauma baggage that immensely affects interpersonal relationships. Autism doesn't help. I'm better off alone, but I also can't be alone.

This world just isn't for me.

 

[S like suicide]

I feel totally like you....same.
Scared and anxious all the time and needing help even for the easiest things.I feel i am unable to survive in this world.
I don't know what to do...i feel trapped and I am going insane.