Resource Time capsule: Write sth to your future self

[CapitánBeto]

Time Capsule
Write something to your future self, then come back to reflect on it.



So, I recently came back to the forum after a 5-year hiatus.
I didn't write much at the time but it's interesting to see how I thought back then.
How things where, how things are.

So, here is the challenge:

• Set a time frame (1 week, 1 month, 3 months, 1 year, etc).
• Write something.
  • It can be anything: thoughts, feelings, aspirations, etc.
• Time flies by, soon you'll have to come back.

---

Here I go, to myself in 6 months (August 28th 25'):

Spoiler

• I hope to get my shit together at college by then.
  • If not, at least make a clear decision on whether to continue putting in effort and time and energy, or drop it all together.
• I hope I find myself at work, get into an interesting project or learn sth. A little bit of growth.
• I hope I continue practicing sports, whatever they are.
  • Right now I'm really into swimming, not so much into climbing as I've been before.
  • I'll try volleyball on March, I've been meaning to do so for a while now. No clue how that will go though.
  • I might try calisthenics as well.
• I hope I can see my friends more often and find comfort in them. I hope I stop feeling so lonely or at the very least come to terms with it.
• I have no hope whatsoever I'll meet a partner or get romantically involved with someone.
  • ...but, at the very least, I hope I can keep away from promiscuity as I've managed to do so far since New Year.
• I'm also taking singing lessons, maybe I'll pick up guitar once again. I love music, it comforts me. So, I hope I'm still into it.
• I'm taking Portuguese lessons (OMG this list keeps getting longer and longer). Am I still taking Portuguese lessons?

God there's so much in this world I'd like to do.

• I hope I go sailing, once or twice.
• I hope I go on a rock climbing trip w/ my friends.

That's it. I know I'd like to fix the plumbing in my apartment but I have no hopes on getting that done.

PS: I hope I have good birthday (no birthday is always a good birthday).

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Fuck you

 

[CapitánBeto]

Here I go... 6 months later.

Spoiler

So, I had a relapse last Sunday... Similar to the episode I had back on Dec 2, after my cousin's wedding.
I got overwhelmed by a lot of things going on, my parents having to move out and me as well... and me having to take care of (almost) everything.
At the same time I feel frustrated at work, etc.
I took like 12 times the daily dose of benzos but nothing really happened. I got two days off of work. Yay.

Regarding my bucket list:

• I did get my shit together at college.
  • In one semester I already got like 1/3 of the degree. So the plan is to be done by mid next year.
  • Now, because of my "relapse", I skipped a final on Monday. I'm praying for the professor to spare my life bc otherwise it means I need to retake the course and all the succeeding ones (i.e. 2~3 more semesters).
• I still feel stuck at work but at least it's flex hours and everything... Now I'm getting on to a new project that might bring sth good.
  • 3 months from now we'll see if I'm still working at my current company and whether I got promoted or not. That'll be interesting.
• Practicing sports:
  • I went back to climbing. I'm trying to go to the climbing gym 2/3 times a week.
    • I met with some old climbing fellows at my old gym. That was nice.
  • I went rock climbing twice with my friends. I had a good time.
    • On the first trip I felt a bit uncomfortable bc there were a lot of people in the group, so I kinda kept to my own. Second trip was better in that sense. Less people.
  • I don't quite remember but I'm pretty sure I also went sailing, and we are planning a cruise for next weekend.
  • I'm also trying to go back to swimming weekly. I did try volleyball at college. It was great. But now, unfortunately, I can't go bc of scheduling conflicts.
• I did see my friends more this semester, I even opened up to them about my issues. I found comfort in that. I'm grateful.
• I don't want to say I overcame, but I'm certainly in control of my sex addiction.
  • I'm celibate since practically the last time I wrote. I only met with a friend on April but it was nothing really.
  • I recently registered back again on Tinder, I kinda get the urge of getting out and hooking up with people, I think that's the anxiety kicking in. As I said, I'm in control, for now.
• Yep, still taking singing lessons. I love music and I hope I had more time to put into it.
• I quit Portuguese lessons. I love languages but it was too much.
• My apartment is still what it was. I think I cleaned up and got rid of a bunch of stuff. I just fixed a water valve today... I'd been procrastinating for months.
  • I got to move out soon, and I need to find where. That's one of the main stressors for my "relapse" last Sunday.
• Yes. I did have a good birthday.
  • My mother took care of it, we celebrated together with my brother.
  • I also met with friends throughout the week (I think I took the whole week off of work ).

Right now...

• I hope all the moving out goes well. I'm sick and tired of it.
• I hope I get my shit together at college once again.
• My cousin is about to have a baby, so I guess I'll be an uncle... I pray everything goes well.
• I hope the end of the year finds well, at peace and found.

I'm gonna do 3 months and half, Christmas (December 25th 25').

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

This is such a neat concept!

Let's do three months:

Spoiler: December 10, 2025

Hi there, future Grace! Getting ready for the holidays? Remember that you have survived the hustle and bustle every other year so far. You got this!

I hope that work is less overwhelming for you than it was in September. I hope the new systems are working well and it's everything the people above you dream it to be.

I hope that neuro assessment goes well and you get some real help and answers.

I hope your husband grows up.

And I hope you're still here to read this, unless you dip out of the website, in which case, I hope if you stumble back in the future, the reasons you joined feel like another lifetime.

Love, current Grace.

 

[CapitánBeto]

Spoiler

Christmas was... good I guess.

We had a nice family dinner and lunch the day after.
I wasn't in the mood, tbh.

I came back home on the 25th feeling like killing myself.
So, I took a buch a benzos and slept on it.
Evening through night, I just woke early in the morning, feeling better.

I guess I just have a lot going on and I feel overwhelmed.

• College. I finished the semester on a high note but, at the same time, I lost the only opportunity to take a final exam back on September. So, now, my whole degree is hanging by a thread and the two professors I need support from have initially been understanding of the situation but they don't reply back to my emails. I don't know how's that's going to end. I might just drop out and that will be the end of it.

Sometimes I just feel like like, whatever. I could already be dead anyways. So, if I fail at sth, it's OK. It's like that chronic depression pitfall where you stop giving a fuck about things... specially being successful.
I feel like the train has already left for me years ago, and I shall come to terms with it.

• Work. This year I worked two jobs, which was a lot take. I'm probably quitting one of them, come January. The one where I don't feel valued. Three years, I've put on a lot of work but I still don't get any raises or promotions. In the industry I work on, that's a lot of time to be stalling. Quitting this job that it's so frustrating might actually give me the chance to focus more on college and other things I want to enjoy... and it might improve my mood as well.
• Personal life. Family and friends are OK I guess. I just had a nice vacation with my father and brother. Bonding experience type of thing. I wish I saw my friends more frequently and traveled with them, but it's difficult being this sick.
• Home. I moved out of my parents apartment into a nice apartment nearby, lots of space and a nice little garden. I hope it works this time, but then again, whatever.

The neurosurgeon found a meningioma on my brain, I really hope it grows and kills me. Dying young is so special and romantic. I love the idea of dying young, people moving on and casually remembering me like 20 years later.



Replying to myself 3 1/2 months back:

• I hope all the moving out goes well. I'm sick and tired of it.
  • It did, but now I got to fix my parents apartment. It's very old and we don't if we should move forward with renovating or just sell as it is. My dear mother made us lose a lot of money on that transaction. The whole situation is extremely frustrating and stressing because I feel like I'm alone and the rest of my family are only being an obstacle.
• I hope I get my shit together at college once again.
  • As I said, not yet I haven't.
• My cousin is about to have a baby, so I guess I'll be an uncle... I pray everything goes well.
  • It did, but with everything going on it's like I just don't have any energy left for it.
• I hope the end of the year finds well, at peace and found.
  • IDFK how New Year will find me.

---

I came back from my vacation with a strong craving for mountaneering and climbing, which is sth I've always liked as a kid. I might just drop out of college and try becoming a professional mountain guide... and get away from the city.

See you on 4 months, after Easter holiday (April 30th 26').