Discussion thread to talk about self harm

[tomoki]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

 

[H.O.Xan]

replying since no one else did, yes i have sh'd, don't bother w. the dtls.

1. HOW? Just think of it like a short term adrenaline boost

2. HIDE? Wear long sleeves or trackies.

3. Xperience? I wanted to vent.

4. a) No, it's more than tht. b) Even if it was, sumtimes a cry for help shouldn't b vilified as badly. Problem is, lot of ppl fake this, so it's difficult to tell who's attention seeking or not.

i like ur politeness, all answers u wanted, r abv. PEACE

 

[tomoki]

replying since no one else did, yes i have sh'd, don't bother w. the dtls.

1. HOW? Just think of it like a short term adrenaline boost

2. HIDE? Wear long sleeves or trackies.

3. Xperience? I wanted to vent.

4. a) No, it's more than tht. b) Even if it was, sumtimes a cry for help shouldn't b vilified as badly. Problem is, lot of ppl fake this, so it's difficult to tell who's attention seeking or not.

i like ur politeness, all answers u wanted, r abv. PEACE

thank you very much, it helped me a lot

 

[CyberCat95]

I've been self harming for about 10 years now. At first it was mainly on my arms but then went to legs and now it's just wherever I can hide. I wear long sleeves/pants as long as I can but I do struggle in the heat so will sometimes wear short sleeves and shorts with tights. In summer I don't SH on my arms at all, just in case I have to wear short sleeves. Sometimes people will think because I'm showing scars, I'm not doing it anymore so that can work out quite well and I don't really see people who know I do it in hidden places. I started because I had no one to talk to about how I was feeling, people would just dismiss me if I tried and it's a hard habit to break.

 

[MidnightDream]

how to live with self-harm?
Idk - I just did. I never really thought of it as being that deep, really. It would happen, and then i'd feel a bit annoyed at myself until they healed, and then repeat.

how to hide them
I feel like this really depends whether you're talking about fresh marks or scars.
Fresh marks - Do it in a place no one will see, and you're good. Wrists is never a good idea if you're wanting to hide things, unless you're able to always wear long sleeves.
Scars - I've never bothered to hide, I don't particularly care and if someone has a problem with them then that's for them to deal with, not me.

Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
My experience is kinda odd, really. I don't know why I started self harming, I heard about it from a friend when I was a little kid and just got curious, and proceeded to continue for the better part of 7 years. It wasn't a case of wanting to hurt myself, or wanting to feel something, or anything like that for me. I think I just had it in my head that if you were in pain, you should self harm, and if you didn't then you weren't really in that much pain. Idk, kid me was a bit fucked up. Maybe I just liked having something to show for all the shit in my head, maybe I just wanted my mental health to be taken seriously, idk.

Is it true that it's just for attention?
I think in some cases, it can be. Some people are a bit fucked up in that way. But for the most part, no. And it shouldn't be.

 

[PoorlyTinted]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

best spot to hide cuts is the upper upper thigh thats where i cut. its hidden by underwear and pants

 

[symphony]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

How to live with self-harm: for a while, self-harm felt like the only thing that was keeping me alive. It was a powerful coping mechanism and made so much of the feelings of distress just melt away for a bit. It was my pressure valve.

How to hide it: some of my scars are on my arms and visible. They're faded though so most people don't notice, and they look more like bruises than anything, just bruises in oddly neat rows, lol. My other scars are on my thighs and constantly covered by my pants.

Sharing experience: I'm fine talking about my history with s/h. I haven't always understood why I wanted to do it but as I said before, it's been a coping mechanism for me. I've had urges for several years and only recently started trying to fight them. For the most part though, I'd get an urge, cut, and feel better.

Just for attention: not at all. I never wanted anyone to know that I was self-harming. I can't possibly hide all my scars nowadays and if someone asks about my arms I just vaguely say that they're old marks and brush it off. Self-harm was something I did in the shadows, not at all for attention.

 

[BpdQueen]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

Don't he ashamed to show your scars. They tell a story, they are a part of your surviving. Wear them like tattoos

I don't do selfharm for attention, it's to feel pshysical pain over mental pain. I feel calm after.
If it's on your arm, and it's hot outside, wear a t-shirt! Wear your scars with proud.

 

[dimstar]

Self harm is more a part of me than many things, I guess I dont think much about it but do try and keep it under control like any other vice. Alcohols honestly feels like bigger vice to me.
I've been self harming for around 10 years. I'm in my late 20s but I've even had a few year+ breaks from it. Started burning, then more chemical(drinking till it hurts), now its cutting. I've mostly kept it to my thighs so I can keep it covered. My burns are big scars but patters as way of excusing the behavior and I even like them at times. I only have a small area left to cut so it gets filled over and over but I've only ever shown 3 people. Asking for help not attention but I have regretted it everytime unfortunately. For me it's just my personal scar garden. I tend to and live with. I think its diffrent for everyone but at the end of the day it's your choices and your the one that lives with it.
I wish you well and hope you can make peace with your body. It's not always easy but it shouldn't be as hard as it feels sometimes. <3

 

[strawberryjampan]

Here's a productive form of self harm: Go outside and run as hard as you can until you're ready to puke. Hurts a lot more than cutting too.

 

[warmsand]

TW//

just started sh for the first time today, just scratches so far but i've been feeling really shitty about that because i'm too scared to actually do the real thing

as for your questions, no i don't think it's for attention, i'd rather die than have anyone i know in real life see me with scars.

 

[saltero]

TW//

just started sh for the first time today, just scratches so far but i've been feeling really shitty about that because i'm too scared to actually do the real thing

as for your questions, no i don't think it's for attention, i'd rather die than have anyone i know in real life see me with scars.

Be careful with starting with SH, as it can be addicting.

 

[warmsand]

Be careful with starting with SH, as it can be addicting.

i think i might be good, i'll never progress past safety pins/scratches because i'm way too scared of blades. thank you for the concern though!

 

[maybemonday]

I can 100% confirm that self harm is addicting. At this point I have more cravings to cut then to drink.

Also try not to sh on the arms of you have room elsewhere

 

[saltero]

i think i might be good, i'll never progress past safety pins/scratches because i'm way too scared of blades. thank you for the concern though!

Okay, just be careful as you may feel worse later on after self harming. Still up to you of course :)

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I have the scars. I don't care. I don't fully know if I find them endearing.

 

[bloberta]

i started self harming again about a year ago after not doing it for years. my arm is covered in scars and im pretty much stuck wearing sleeves because i dont want anyone to see them. i mostly do it as a stress reliever when i get too overwhelmed. i guess i also use it as a punishment when i hate myself too much. honestly though i like the scars and i like the blood. im trying to stop though but it's hard. i manged to stop for a month before relapsing. i'm trying not to be too hard on myself for that.

 

[tomoki]

I too have scars on my arm. I'm really ashamed of it.
My problem is that I work in the hospital and you have to wear short sleeve gowns.imagine that your doctor has this kind of problem, for a patient it's just unacceptable I am a hair to stop my studies. I just self-destructed

i started self harming again about a year ago after not doing it for years. my arm is covered in scars and im pretty much stuck wearing sleeves because i dont want anyone to see them. i mostly do it as a stress reliever when i get too overwhelmed. i guess i also use it as a punishment when i hate myself too much. honestly though i like the scars and i like the blood. im trying to stop though but it's hard. i manged to stop for a month before relapsing. i'm trying not to be too hard on myself for that.

thank you for your testimony I wish you a lot of courage and success in getting better

 

[leeloosnow]

there's a self harm megathread and lots of individual posts on the topic, maybe we could sticky the megathread to help ppl locate and find chat/resources within that <3

Self Harm Megathread

Anything that is related to self harming goes here. How you started to do it? Why you do it? What's your method? Did you ever have clean periods? How big are your self harm urges today on a scale of 1 to 10? In my case, I started to do it when I was a teenager, daily while in the second...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[jdog2498]

Want 2 stop SI urges but can't. Therapy does nothing doctors dont help. Broken family I can't get out of my own way. Addicted to pain only thing that makes me feel anything

 

[n1kita_]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

As per how, think of it as for what it is- a way of coping with that which is causing you distress, hurting you or overwhelming you. The method itself has its own weight indeed, but only by the gravity of the issue which pushes it further.

Long sleeves are the way, and when they've healed enough that you don't see risk of infection, make up can go a long way. There's some make up made specially to hide any type of scars, it shouldn't be too hard to find. Depending where they are and the severity, bracelets or wristbands may do the trick. Over the summer it is harder to hide, though. This is important to keep in mind.

I usually try not to do it when it's too obvious. So, summer, or when I'm nearing the dates where I'll probably have to be working and move about- I play music and sometimes the movement can show a bit of skin -, etc. I also try to be realistic about it: As much as I know the relief it provides me, I know what it means. I try doing it only when I know I really, really need to enter a state of peace, when I can feel myself going over the edge. Sometimes preparing everything and taking 5 minutes is enough to soothe me a little. It sounds stupid, but sometimes it works. Doing this in the height of your emotions can do more damage than you intend to and make it harder for yourself in the future. Keep this in mind.

Well, I'd say partially, but that doesn't make it bad. Attention is good, attention means acknowledgement. We've been led to believe that seeking help, being seen, being understood = attention = seeking pity, making a scene = Bad. Just bad. When it's not true. We all want and need attention. We need to be seen. When people harm themselves and wish someone would understand, they wish someone could see it and not judge them. Even if they know they'll still keep doing it probably, and also wish nobody would know so they can keep doing it. A part of us wishes someone would see and understand. Maybe by random strangers on the internet that can talk about it, or maybe by a close friend. I donno, I don't think it's wrong. I think it's natural. I think it's okay.

 

[BloomingStrella]

how to live with self harm:
Really, it's just a matter of tolerance. It's never been a big deal for me. The more you do it, the more resistance you'll build up, and the more pleasure you'll be able to get from doing it.

how to hide them:
Like other people on this thread said, long sleeves/pants work well, but I'd rather let other people see the aftermath of my self-punishment, because I feel proud of the scars.

would anyone like to share their experience with me:
Absolutely. First, it started with ripping the skin off my lips until they bled, which people advised me not to do. Then, it eventually got to other parts of the body. That was when I fell into depression, and went crazy, usually carving myself just to see my own blood, out of curiosity, for pleasure, and punishment for my own inadequacies.

is it true that it's just for attention:
I personally don't think so, although it's funny seeing the reactions of pro-lifers when I accidentally unsleeve my arms in public. I find self-harm to be a very relaxing coping mechanism to the cards life has given me.

 

[aliasblue.]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

a.) I feel like my self harming tendencies and in general, my self destructive behavior is a very big part of me. A part of me that I'm very neutral towards. I neither like nor dislike it. But however, I do not push it away and often, embrace it. In short, it is something that I'm not all that bothered about. I do not really view it as a big deal. It just exists within me, along with my thoughts and gut flora.
b.) Hiding self harm scars is very tough at times. I currently self harm on my thighs via cuts and often hide them by wear pants/ shorts that don't go above my lower thigh.
c.) Yes, of course. It first started with me poking myself with pencils until it left angry, swollen bruises. It slowly progressed to me slashing my wrists. I was unfortunately caught by loved ones and confronted about it. I stopped for a bit but soon enough start to slash my upper thighs
d.) No, definitely not. I don't think I would show my scars to anyone, expect a few people who are my loved ones. Showing my scars to someone is an act of vulnerability to me and I would never do it unless I felt the utmost comfort with that person. Also, the only reason I'll ever hurt myself is to get some sort of a stress relief and to make myself feel alive, never to receive someone's pity.

 

[ilikesharksandblue]

1.) I've been cutting for almost 2 years now I've always never cared seeing my cuts / scars so I guess I just live with it , in a way you just get used to it idk

2.) Before my mom had found out my cutting I had always tried to hide my scars and I live in Texas so it gets very hot here so that did not help at all , I cut on my arms and not only on the lower part near your hand I cut up to my shoulder so it's not like I could really add a couple hair ties or brackets to cover them up I was screwed and I had always wore long sleeves no matter what I would physically fight with my mom if she tried to take out my jacket or whatever I never ever took it off I had thought that if I cover my scars with concealer or foundation it would help I'm not sure if I messed something up or what but every-time I would apply makeup to my scars they would become so much more visible , so that didn't work .. I guess when it comes to hiding it depends where you cut

3.) I wouldn't say I cut for attention but I would always pray sometimes that my mom would find out I cut so that she would love me or something like that but I never tried to expose my cuts or anything on purpose I really don't know if people do cut for attention I'd say it's more of a cry for help

 

[wetcigarette]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

how to live with it:
As best as you can. it's something that has almost becomes a normal part of my routine really, since nothing brings me more relief in life than hurting myself. it's the euphoria afterwards that keeps it addicting
how to hide them: like how everyone else was saying: long sleeves are your friend :) It depends on where you're cutting, but wristbands on the arms and makeup (for scars) work well too. just remember to add a primer first and then foundation to make sure it looks natural.

my experience: I can't remember the first time I technically self harmed, since I've always had the habit of scratching myself whenever I'm stressed. it started when I was a little kid, and ever since then I never grew out of it. i don't cut my nails anymore because of this too. (And I'm just a lazy fuck.) i remember cutting for the first time after my very first breakup in highschool. i did it at first for attention from my ex but the idea of hurting myself because I'm somehow deserving of it suddenly became very appealing to me. during this time, I also felt like i was running out of a lot of options. very little things in this world can calm me down like how SH does, so ye.
sometimes I think cutting can be used as a cry for help. i know for me at the beginning it was like that. No one took my pleas seriously, so I took things into my own hands.

 

[accepting.id]

how to live with self-harm?
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
thank you all for your answers

1. I think the best way to live with them is to accept them. Think of them as part of your journey or story. Reminders of how you're struggling but you're still here. (That backfires for me sometimes though. Sometimes I see them and it makes me sad)

Another thing recommended is to find other alternatives. Like cold showers, or using a bobby pin instead of a blade, etc.

2. If you really want to hide them, you can use make up and color corrector. Long sleeve shirts are alright. Tattoo covers also work.

I dance and most people never notice when I wear long sleeves or tattoo covers

3. I started cutting a few years ago. I promised myself I would never self harm even when it got really bad with my family. I never chose to have them in my life. I can make my own family and I'll be happy. But one day someone I considered family and held so dearly to me hurt me. Then I started thinking, maybe I don't deserve to be happy? If the people I never chose to be in my life could hurt me this badly and the people who I did choose to be in my life could hurt me this badly too, then maybe I just deserve the pain I receive. At least, that was my thought process. So I hurt myself. I thought I deserved it.

I got sober for over a year then sht hit the fan and I started doing it again. Deeper this time. Every time I was having fun outside and someone noticed, an overwhelming amount of shame would hit me like a truck. The ones who know nothing about mental health struggles would always end up lecturing me about it.

At some point though, I just stopped caring. I just tell people what they want to hear or ignore them and move along. Sometimes I joke about them. Tell them they're battle scars or that I fought with a bear. Anything light hearted to shut them up. It's none of their business.

4. It depends. Some people do do it for attention. Some people don't. For me, I did it to feel in control. I've felt hopeless all my life, like I was always at the mercy of my abusers. It was also a form of release.

 

[jan_Seli]

how to live with self-harm?:
I'm not sure I understand the question. It's a coping mechanism for me to externalize my internal pain.
how to hide them (I'm really ashamed to show them)?
I've mostly kept it to my upper thighs, or a few little cuts elsewhere that could be explained by careless little accidents.
Would anyone like to share their experience with me?
I did it a lot from 15-20. I recently started again at 30, I missed it and I'm probably going to enjoy it for a while longer before I try to quit again.
Is it true that it's just for attention? (I personally don't think so, I've never shown my scars to anyone)
No, nobody in my life knows about it.