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sinbound haibane

sinbound haibane

Member
Oct 1, 2020
16
I've known several people over the last few years who would often say things like "I feel like I'm going to kill myself," or "I'm suicidal," in times of emotional distress. Not as like a thing they're saying during a deep discussion of feelings, but even as like an opening to a phone call. When I first started encountering this, it would send me into crisis mode and I would try to do everything I could to offer support, but it never really seemed to change all that much in the end. And ultimately, I've ended up withdrawing near totally, 'cause my life got to a point where *I* was feeling suicidal and I couldn't keep up everything I was doing for them.

Anyway, I don't understand what the thought process is behind this. Whenever I am having these feelings, there's a part of me that *wants* to tell someone, but I'm always too afraid of scaring them and making them sad or feel like they have to stop me, and worry that if I do and then I go through with it they'll feel like it's their fault. So I just sort of do my research, take the steps I see as appropriate, and get ready to die quietly and effectively if/when I decide it's time.

So I was wondering, does anyone here understand better who might be able to help me see where other people are coming from? Or conversely, is there anyone who relates to my perspective? Please share your thoughts if you'd like!
 
CoalmineCanary

CoalmineCanary

Member
Jul 15, 2020
478
I feel like some folks say these things flippantly.

It dismisses the real struggles that some of us might be facing. It really minimizes the challenges of suicidal thoughts and makes those of us feel that we cannot share our true feelings on how seriously and how often these things are considered in our daily thoughts and activities. It feels kind of like keeping a secret that one cannot share.
 
Shades of Grey

Shades of Grey

Student
Jun 17, 2020
183
I am with you... I'm not typically comfortable talking about these things with other people. There are two friends that I feel that I can share with to some degree (one has chronic, treatment-resistant depression and has been "there"), but I don't really discuss active issues that I'm having... I mostly keep it past tense.

I don't want to risk unwanted intervention, nor do I want to burden them with intimate details that they might find upsetting.
 
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foxdie

Got my ticket
Aug 18, 2020
1,011
I've known several people over the last few years who would often say things like "I feel like I'm going to kill myself," or "I'm suicidal," in times of emotional distress. Not as like a thing they're saying during a deep discussion of feelings, but even as like an opening to a phone call. When I first started encountering this, it would send me into crisis mode and I would try to do everything I could to offer support, but it never really seemed to change all that much in the end. And ultimately, I've ended up withdrawing near totally, 'cause my life got to a point where *I* was feeling suicidal and I couldn't keep up everything I was doing for them.

Anyway, I don't understand what the thought process is behind this. Whenever I am having these feelings, there's a part of me that *wants* to tell someone, but I'm always too afraid of scaring them and making them sad or feel like they have to stop me, and worry that if I do and then I go through with it they'll feel like it's their fault. So I just sort of do my research, take the steps I see as appropriate, and get ready to die quietly and effectively if/when I decide it's time.

So I was wondering, does anyone here understand better who might be able to help me see where other people are coming from? Or conversely, is there anyone who relates to my perspective? Please share your thoughts if you'd like!

I've never shared my suicidal feeling with anyone. People know I'm depressed but I don't think the thought of suicide with me has ever crossed their mind. I know if I told anyone it would be extremely distressing to them and there's nothing they can really do about it, so I just don't. It's my darkest secret and it's difficult keeping it to myself but I don't see any other way. I definitely feel you.
 
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_Kaira_

_Kaira_

This Isn't Fine
Oct 2, 2020
826
People around me know I'm depressed and suicidal. I rarely try to talk about it anymore, when I do, they usually tell me they know how I feel but don't want to hear it anymore because it's too negative to listen to. That's ok I guess.
 
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Pookie

Pookie

Somebody you used to know.
Oct 18, 2020
1,051
I've mentioned my depression and suicidality but I don't talk about it often. At least my loved ones won't be surprised when I ctb.
 
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MindFrog

MindFrog

:Professional Hypocrite:
Nov 19, 2020
721
It could also be Desperation. I'm my introvert myself and i bottle everything inside. I've kept my depression for god know how long, but it comes to the point that you can't take it anymore.

When people tell you suicide is a bad thing, the only option you had is to tell someone. You just dont know what to do anymore. A last ditch effort before you take the fall.
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
I have told my parents on many occasions I felt suicidal, well in fact they themselves picked me up from the hospital after a few failed attempts. With parents I don't talk about it anymore. I tried a few of my close friends. All of them come with the pro life oh it's a phase it will pass, life is beautiful bla bla bla, so I gave up on them, but if I ever go I guess they will know I was giving them a hint. The only comfort I find is talking with people on this forum. Here I can be open about all my feelings and having a few close ops help a lot. I'm here if you ever need to talk ok hun? A big hug.
 
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daddy Phil :)

daddy Phil :)

Member
Oct 21, 2020
52
I told my friends about it and the first time I felt like all my stress was gone, it was a huge relief. But then when I looked into their eyes they all looked like they saw someone got killed, they were dissapointed, sad, scared, I can never forget the looks in their eyes. The second time I told them more and how I really feel about it (the first time I barely could even talk because I was so stressed), when I looked into their eyes the only things I could see was how hopeless and helpless they were. They want to help me but they all know they can't because I just don't listen, I feel so stupid. Then I asked one of my friends and asked if I bring them with me down if I talk about it, she said that it only makes her worried and that I don't have to be afraid to talk about it. I don't know what to do anymore, talking about it does help me but I really don't want to bring others down because I can't help myself. I think I just have to keep everything for myself for now on.
 
DeathBySuicide

DeathBySuicide

Member
Nov 30, 2020
46
There was a time where I just simply exploded from all the pain I was going through and needed to tell someone. I ended up talking to a supportive group of friends, and it did help me release some of the pain. From my experience, talking does help; bottling up your feelings doesn't do any good. It was scary at first to talk about such deep, emotional feelings of mine, so if you choose to open up, I suggest you do it to some people you trust.
 
Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Nov 30, 2020
2,050
I had a great psychologist in hospital whom I could tell anything but then I got discharged and didn't see her again. Don't really talk to anyone about the darker stuff anymore.
 

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