Thoughts on Suicide Unrelated to Depression

[yazbleu]

As a person who has not wanted to exist for as long as I can remember, I have difficulty believing that the only cause of suicide ideation or desire is depression. I think by a lot of standards I live a pretty okay life. I can't relate to feelings of worthlessness or loneliness besides self-inflicted loneliness because I don't understand the attachment people have to this existence. My desire is to opt-out. I have strong ethical opposition to living and my issue is more that this existence is beneath me. The idea of eternally chasing little thrills and making up projects to feel useful all while causing massive amount of harm to other humans and our entire biosphere is so shallow and feels so small.
I do worry that some of this might be non-depression delusional mental illness. I have a lot of thoughts about opting out leading to winning a game (with the premise being that this is a test of whether you're willing to endure an existence so absurd and unreasonable). I also think about opting out promoting people who do to a better existence. I'm not even religious in anyway so this line of thinking is irrational to me but I have it very persistently.

Can anybody relate to any of this? I guess I'm looking to be related to or feel "seen" and understood.

 

[oddetoad]

I've had the exact same thoughts and the short answer is we don't know , but I highly doubt we get punished for opting out if this is a game

 

[Death is beautiful]

same bro, I'm probably living better now than ever, maybe compared to the whole world I'm not living too well, but for myself I'm living better than ever. And still I don't see the point of this shit, my requirements are much much higher than those of my environment and I just don't understand how they live in such shit for 50-60 years, I think religion and beliefs help them that everything makes sense. Bro, I agree that on any of the days I was shot while I was sleeping, of course, due to the lack of severe depression, I am not ready to kill myself, but I would agree to be killed in my sleep, as far as I know, the probability that this will happen by itself is very low if you are healthy and young, so I would either automate ctb so that I die when I'm already asleep or I would like someone to do it for me, just go to bed like every day and not wake up is perfect dude. I think I'm going to go to another country and join a sect of crazy death-obsessed dudes and let them brainwash me lol

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, in some ways I relate to this. Mine isn't exactly a hatred of existence. I would actually be ok in chasing the smaller ambitions and distractions in life if I felt they were sustainable. (My goals are creative and hard to sustain financially.) Still- I don't feel under any delussion that they are just that- fairly meaningless personal ambitions and distractions. Plus- I agree with you that the damage I do to this world and others just by living is much greater than any contribution I make to it.

I can't say I see it as some kind of existential game although- I do see it as a capitalist/ consummerist game. One which I don't want to play.

The stumbling block for me are relationships. The ties we have to other humans. It's them that I can't deny. I know how much it has hurt me to lose people I loved. I didn't want to put my loved ones through that prematurely. So- they have been my thethers here. Once they are gone though, I hope I'll have the guts to 'force quit' as it were.

 

[sanction]

I agree depression is not the only cause for suicide. It could also be poor health, loss of loved one, financial/ legal issues, religious views, poor living environment, last minute unexpected problems, and the list goes on

And I guess also due to the unavoidable truth, which is we're all just waiting around to slowly decline and eventually die anyways, so there is this pointlessness to life in the back of our minds, that could also act as a trigger

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it insensitive when people automatically label wishing to cease existing as "depression" as in my case I see the problem as existence itself and to me wishing to eternally be free from it is always a valid way to feel. In my case I certainly see existence as futile and undesirable, it's just an meaningless process of waiting to decay and die with existing beings suffering so senselessly in this harmful reality. I don't believe there is a deeper meaning or purpose behind any of this though, I just believe death to be nothing more than an eternal, dreamless sleep where we simply won't be able to experience anything.

 

[Exitwings]

I don't exactly relate to that but I'm also not depressed, want to ctb, and probably have some neurological/mental illness issues that are technically contributing

... but it doesn't matter because I'm actually in a really bad place lifewise right now and regardless need to escape the suffering.

I like living and doing little projects and crap. I find joy in small dumb things. I'm not living right now, I'm just existing, and I can't explain how terrible it is. (Yesterday I made myself cry because I thought about how all I wanted to do was go out and do some pointless fun activities. Which I can't do because of my chronic illnesses.)

I don't know if this reality we're currently in is awful and terrible for everyone or just some of us, honestly, but I absolutely don't believe it's the only reality/universe. And I want/need out.

I don't know what's "outside". Sometimes I do think this is some sort of game or simulation or something and once I escape I'll be like "WTF was that??? I am suing." Unfortunately there's no way of knowing until I'm actually there.

 

[Mirrory Me]

A moral question. Are you the root cause of all evil and suffering?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I find that people assuming that wanting to end your life automatically means that you must be suffering from depression or some sort of mental illness/severe trauma to be annoying. While there are obviously people apart of that demographic who do want to ctb, there are also plenty of people who aren't mentally ill and/or suffer from severe trauma who still want to ctb.

I'm not mentally ill nor do I have any history of psychological trauma. I consider myself to be completely stable mentally and I still want to ctb.

 

[amatherasu :-)]

To me it has nothing to do with depression, for me it is a mix of anger to the life un general and world going agaisnt me in one way or another. Everything just baffles and irritates me. Poeple acting weird towards me, my family really have something agaisnt me seriously.

 

[AInilam]

I can't really relate but I understand where you're coming from. I don't think you have to look very far to find a reason why someone might not want to live anymore in this society. However, people who actually plan to go through with it are a minority--either due to thanatophobia, personal beliefs, social conditioning or a lack of peaceful methods, etc. I guess it's just a matter of whether these ''cheap thrills, distractions and projects'' feel worth it in the end.

For me personally it doesn't feel worth it. Knowing just how much needless suffering is based on things outside our control or worse is manufactured in the name of profit, social bias and classism, it just feels like a sick twisted joke. I just don't really care to live in this capitalist/consumerist playground anymore, where the price of admission are people's lives. I think most people should agree that this way of living is beneath us as a species--we've come so far only for it to amount to this? The worst part of it is.. because this is all we've ever known and because so many people benefit from it, It'll never change. Unless some cataclysmic event happens that forces us to confront the error of our ways, but even by then it'll probably be too late.

It's sad that it even has to reach that point. You see peoples responses to the pandemic and climate change, people while actively dying from covid swearing up and down it doesn't exist. Some even going as far to make death threats to renowned scientists, doctors and nurses who were only trying to help.

I'm just sick of the absurdity, stupidity and backwardness of it all. I'm sick of the political circuses, I'm sick of seeing overworked, tired and run-down people stressing over imaginary concepts like bills and debt, instead of being able to just exist, enjoy themselves, spend more time with loved ones and actually breathe. I'm sick of seeing the world grow more sicker, colder, sadder and more hostile by the day. We live in a very grim reality--and I don't feel like I'm insane for wanting to opt out or save myself from anymore suffering/trauma. Nor do I blame anyone else who does either.

In regards to this all amounting to some game, I don't think that's true either. I think our existence is just happen-stance, it's chaotic and random. There are no winners, once we opt out it's game over. It's a comfort however to think that something better awaits us on the other side, I get that---but I think that's just another coping mechanism to stave off the fear of death and the unknown.

 

[sanction]

I also think the word "depression" has been misunderstood as some sort of special condition. I believe it is simply a natural reaction to a person's circumstance

If someone has a bad family, or constantly struggling with finances which affects their quality of living, or even some on-going annoying health condition

This will naturally affect their daily mood, which after some time, it becomes a habit, leading to a depressive state. And unless some obvious improvement has taken place, then the person will naturally remain in that state

But if everything was going great for someone, then obviously it is abnormal to still feel depressed, since its a "sad / unhappy" type of emotion. Unless that person has lots of sympathy for others, so through seeing other people struggle, it also affects their mood

So its just a natural reaction to various shitty life conditions. If someone is in shitty condition, but still feeling super happy and not depressed, then I would instead be more concerned because its not a natural response

 

[undecided]

Could you be suffering from anhedonia?