Venting Thoughts on suicide notes?

[trynacbt]

Specifically, I'm looking to leave some behind for family members and also my ex. All these letters are loving letters and they do some work to explain my rationale/hopefully make it easier on those I left behind (for instance, this is what I wanted, now I'll be able to rest, I don't want my choice to be seen as a tragedy, etc.)

For some reason, though, having written them out now, doing this also feels somewhat self-indulgent. I guess part of it is that I can't believe how lucky I am to have found this forum/have control over my method/actually have come across a peaceful method. It all makes me feel like I have quite a bit of power and my reason for ctb'ing is for not feeling like I can be autonomous, so I guess all this is creating some contradiction for me.

Any thoughts on the topic of writing letters/are any of you planning on it?

 

[Chronicillness]

Too much effort really. I think for my personal case, my suicide will be justified and completely understood by the ones who know me best. There would be nothing to write that I haven't already explained thoroughly.

 

[BadDoctors]

I think writing a letter fully explaining your reasons for ctbing is very helpful for those who want answers after your passing.

 

[Yoffi]

I would love to write a suicide letter, but I won't, in my whole life no one gave a fuck about me so why would they when I'm dead.
I see my unexplained suicide as a message on its own: "you could have prevented this but you didn't care"

 

[passenger27]

I want to keep mine short and simple.

I love the suicide note Brad Delp (lead singer of the band Boston) had pinned to his shirt when he killed himself in his bathroom:

"I am a tortured soul."

Says it all to me.

 

[Moon Flower]

I think people who know me best already know my reasoning, so I'm not that worried about it. One of my parents left notes and one didn't, and it didn't really make much difference honestly as one of the people left behind.

 

[Lilaea]

I had consider not writing a note since I don't have any family or anyone I'm sure that would really care but I did want to leave some words to my coworker and the person who going to find me. I don't think it will change how they think of me, well i be dead so i wouldn't even know or care.

 

[Notf1xable]

I have had mine written for awhile, but I've rewritten them several times. I keep them hidden and have a plan of where to put them on the day I have everything. There are certain people I worry about it hurting and I'm hoping it will help them. I feel terrible for the pain it will inflict, but I can't continue to wear a fake smile anymore.

 

[Ritter]

I will say write notes. You really have no idea how powerful it can be to your family, friends, or loved ones that you address them to. It may not truly soften the blow of your suicide your words will absolutely be treasured to those you write them.

My boyfriend recently CTB (my guilt and grief are why I'm here and considering the same) and he left notes, one as a will for final disposition of his things, one to me, and one open one explaining his reasons for everyone else.

I cannot tell you how much the note he left me means. He doesn't say much, but he does say that he did love me with all his heart. One of his final texts to me was "hey I just wanted to let you know I love you and I always have". Those words and that note I've read literally dozens and dozens of times in the two months since he's died so I can tell you it means something to leave them a note. Others have suggested leaving a video or voice recording. I would also advise that as well. I've got literally thousands of messages from my boyfriend over the years saying "I love you" but I have 0 recordings/videos of it. I'd give almost anything to be able to hear him say those words.

I'm saying this not to shine the spotlight on myself, but using my experience as a reference for what I think others should do if they intend to CTB. Your death will likely be devastating for your friends and family (even if you don't think your relationships are that great). Trust me it will be.

Leave a note, tell them you love them (if you do) and that you will miss them, tell them how much they mean to you and tell them why you've chosen to leave. They still might not ever really understand your reasoning, but it will at least take some of the mystery away.

When you CTB those you leave behind will very likely blame themselves, and constantly ask themselves the "what if.." and "if only" and "I wish"
leaving a note might help alleviate some of those, especially the guilt, even just a little. I'd also recommend trying to take time with your family and friends before you go. Make a memory they will cherish, even if it's just spending a few minutes/hours talking or having a meal.

Here's a resource that may prove helpful if you have difficulty finding what to say or how to write it.

HOW TO WRITE A SUICIDE NOTE

It's my thoughts, for whatever it's worth.

 

[Bechaara]

I lost my dad 2 years ago next month when he hanged himself. There were no signs and it came as quite a shock. I've spent the last two years - and I anticipate will do so for however long I'm still here - rehashing conversations and overanalyzing texts and emails. I've looked for answers. Some sort of explanation. I wish he'd left a note so that my brothers and I wouldn't torture ourselves trying to understand why.

I think it depends on your situation. I've heard that some people find closure from reading notes. On the other hand, some are further tortured by them. And then, of course, if your relationship with whomever you would address your note to is not a great one, do you want to give them closure/cause them pain? I like to think that my dad didn't leave a note because he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye to us. I doubt I'll ever know, but if there is an afterlife and I see him again, it's my first question.

 

[OnlyMercy]

Do not bother writing a note.

Words CAN and WILL be misinterpreted and misconstrued.

 

[ManWithNoName]

I want to keep mine short and simple.

I love the suicide note Brad Delp (lead singer of the band Boston) had pinned to his shirt when he killed himself in his bathroom:

"I am a tortured soul."

Says it all to me.

Man that's incredible. Lead singer from Boston—and being among musical groups I'm fond of, I had to look it up. According to wiki the note he pinned was written in French "J'ai une âme solitaire" which translates to "I am a lonely soul".

A lonely soul—this despite being rich and famous, having a wife and a child.

Much like singer Chris Cornell (and countless others) Delp's ctb is yet more proof positive that fame and wealth cannot protect one from falling into a place that causes one to carry out self deliverance.

Do not bother writing a note.

Words CAN and WILL be misinterpreted and misconstrued.

I'm inclined to agree. That—plus seems a bit vain as I'm still undecided whether to ctb where I will be found, or ctb far away not to be found and eventually over time be declared dead in absentia.

 

[trynacbt]

When you CTB those you leave behind will very likely blame themselves, and constantly ask themselves the "what if.." and "if only" and "I wish"
leaving a note might help alleviate some of those, especially the guilt, even just a little. I'd also recommend trying to take time with your family and friends before you go. Make a memory they will cherish, even if it's just spending a few minutes/hours talking or having a meal.

Thank you so much for this post! It really moved me. I know that this element of guilt is so, so real, because my mother ctb'd earlier this year and I blamed myself for a long time.

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like his letter was very important to you, and I am glad that you have that small piece of him.

This idea of leaving a voice note is also something I'm interested in, but I'm not sure how I would do it without alerting others of what might be happening (particularly with my ex), so I might deviate from that one...

 

[passenger27]

Man that's incredible. Lead singer from Boston—and being among musical groups I'm fond of, I had to look it up. According to wiki the note he pinned was written in French "J'ai une âme solitaire" which translates to "I am a lonely soul".

A lonely soul—this despite being rich and famous, having a wife and a child.

Much like singer Chris Cornell (and countless others) Delp's ctb is yet more proof positive that fame and wealth cannot protect one from falling into a place that causes one to carry out self deliverance.

I'm inclined to agree. That—plus seems a bit vain as I'm still undecided whether to ctb where I will be found, or ctb far away not to be found and eventually over time be declared dead in absentia.

@ManWithNoName you're right it was "lonely soul." Sorry about that. I was confusing it with what I'd like my suicide note to say, inspired by his note, which was perfect to me. Yeah, all that fame, everything going for him (Cornell as well), and he was that lost. I guess lonely can be a relative term. He showed some signs of his soul in his songs years before he CTB. "Hitch A Ride" is one off the top of my head. Thanks for setting me straight, I appreciate it.

 

[LittleJem]

I have had mine written for awhile, but I've rewritten them several times. I keep them hidden and have a plan of where to put them on the day I have everything. There are certain people I worry about it hurting and I'm hoping it will help them. I feel terrible for the pain it will inflict, but I can't continue to wear a fake smile anymore.

Me too. I will write letters to the people I love. I don't think it will help much, but it's something

 

[ManWithNoName]

"Hitch A Ride" is one off the top of my head. Thanks for setting me straight, I appreciate it.

No problem -- also I was not trying to set you straight—I'm just a fellow Boston fan like you. When I read that french (his parents were French-Canadian immigrants) I was surprised he felt lonely. Lonely with family and wealth and fame. No one is immune to the afflictions that prompt ctb.

I'm also glad I was able to stumble across this: