thoughts on suicide gestures/parasuicide?

[deepseaburrito]

Parasuicide is basically an apparent suicide attempt where the end goal is not death. For example, taking an overdose that won't actually kill you on purpose.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you or anyone else you know tried this and what was your experience like?

 

[JustLosingMyself]

Many reasons

It's a trait of some personality disorders (BPD/EUPD for one, and it's shitty).

You're in the pits and looking for help. Been there.

You're a manipulative prick and use the threat of suicide to get what you want. (seen it)

You're looking for attention from someone.

You're so numbed down that you're looking for an emotional high or low (been there)

...

 

[FatalSystemError591]

Whatever floats your goat. Not for me and the ticket I want in my hand when the bus comes but, you do you.

 

[Leshen]

Attention seeking, huge risk of making your situation even worse, emotional blackmail, guilt tripping the people around you.

Lame shit IMO.

 

[madbananas]

Ugh. The comments here make me sad. I imagine people who do this are typically severely unheard, neglected and/or misunderstood. They probably asked for help, never got it while being called things mentioned in the above comments. So they escalate because they feel so worthless, no one is listening to them and taking their problems seriously. And then, even when they are an inch from death, they still aren't taking seriously. Even when they die by suicide, it's "death by misadventure".

1) I've had my "behaviours" described as parasuicidal... but at the same time, I was ignored when I said I wanted to die. (It's subjective).

2) We still have our survival instinct. This can create a war within ourselves which can almost form two separate entities living in our heads.

3) Some people have different needs than the average person. Childhood neglect, abuse (of all kinds), being bullied, prenatal developmental trauma through parent drinking alcohol (hidden trauma) are all associated with mental ill health, and play into people's different needs. We all manipulate people. If you've ever flirted with someone, you've manipulated them. If you've ever went for a job interview, I'm sure you've manipulated the job interviewer too by putting your "best self" across. Abandonment trauma is also very real. When I'm abandoned by people I love, for me, it's worse than a parent dying (which I've also experienced - and which was horrendous - I'm not saying it is easy).

So I guess I'm just trying to say.. I wish folks would try look at the bigger picture, and/or look for the finer details.

And when I've used the term "you" in this post, it's not actually directed at anyone.

 

[SadJessu]

I go though suicidal gestures somewhat often, but not since being a teen have I involved others as a 'cry for help'. Just not interested in help at this point, nor do I want to burden anyone with my mental health issues. I do my 'gestures' alone and never tell anyone, it's more like practice as far as I'm concerned.

 

[Emily_Numb]

The fact someone has said this is attention seeking and guilt tripping is absolutely unbelievable. Most people talk for months and even years on this forum about suicide but never go through with it. Would that also be attention seeking when they just talk about it and do nothing?

Parasuicide is more often than not a cry for help when a desperately underfunded and broken mental health system don't take you seriously. It is also a very serious and extreme type of self harm.

It is absolutely not 'LAME'.

 

[Spitfire]

People do this a lot. Some people do this a few times, before they go through with it and kill themselves.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Oh yes, the standard response of 'youre doing it because you want attention'.
Its things like this that make me cry myself to sleep with a bottle of vodka and go to the bridge at night instead of trying to get help.

While Im aware that some people legitimately make half hearted suicide attempts to manipulate others.
I admit that some of my attempts were purely for attention, like taking 15 xanax in a school toilet, shit like that.
But I wasnt doing it for laughs, I was doing it because the pain was unbearable and no one would listen, and I noticed that if I do something drastic I get temporary sympathy, so in my sick brain the only logic was to keep hurting myself.
I moved past that because I realized the attention was mostly negative, I realized I burnt out my family with my behaviour, and also that psychiatrists will always accuse me of seeking attention when I discuss being suicidal and they will only truly care once Im for real dead.

So nobody will see me jump this time. Not again.
Im done with signalling my needs to people when its like punching a stone wall.

Just yesterday I drank 96% alcohol and washed it down with seroquel, but nobody knows. Because attenshunz

 

[Emily_Numb]

Oh yes, the standard response of 'youre doing it because you want attention'.
Its things like this that make me cry myself to sleep with a bottle of vodka and go to the bridge at night instead of trying to get help.

While Im aware that some people legitimately make half hearted suicide attempts to manipulate others.
I admit that some of my attempts were purely for attention, like taking 15 xanax in a school toilet, shit like that.
But I wasnt doing it for laughs, I was doing it because the pain was unbearable and no one would listen, and I noticed that if I do something drastic I get temporary sympathy, so in my sick brain the only logic was to keep hurting myself.
I moved past that because I realized the attention was mostly negative, I realized I burnt out my family with my behaviour, and also that psychiatrists will always accuse me of seeking attention when I discuss being suicidal and they will only truly care once Im for real dead.

So nobody will see me jump this time. Not again.
Im done with signalling my needs to people when its like punching a stone wall.

Just yesterday I drank 96% alcohol and washed it down with seroquel, but nobody knows. Because attentshunz

I feel this post with every part of my being. You are soooooo not alone in feeling this way.

People do it because they need help and want to be taken seriously. As a person who presents very well and who is excellent at faking looking like I have my shit together and coming across that way, people just brush you off and don't really believe it so when you see professionals, they just think you're attention seeking or just exaggerating your mental anguish.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It seems to me that parasuicidal gestures are the biggest gamble of all on the slot machine of hope, literally laying down everything that the person who has never cared enough, but who one belives should, will finally pay off with the jackpot of love, consideration, attention, etc.

I've known people who have made such gestures, such as ODing and arranging for someone to find them in time, cutting their wrists, etc., and they have never gotten what they've sought -- maybe temporarily, if even that, but not permanently. Instead, they lost things like self-esteem, self-respect, health, acceptance and respect from others, or other things they valued. I can imagine it's really hard to recover from that, and I have compassion for it. I've done things that were hard to recover from. I think most people have.

I also have compassion for being on the receiving end of manipulation, especially when it's emotionally violent, and parasuicide is violent, not only toward the self, but if the intentions are to manipulate another to get needs or wants met, then it is emotioanlly violent toward another. I find that particularly hard to tolerate, perhaps because I was on the receiving end of so much emotionally and physically violent manipulation and control from my mother, who I also have compassion for, but from a safe distance. She doesn't want my compassion anyway, she just wants me to do what she wants, to the degree that she finally discarded me when she lost all hope that I would, and then made up another version of me for public consumption who does what she wants.

Manipulation is one hell of a slippery slope. Once one convinces themselves it's justifiable to manipulate just a little bit, or be just a little violent, the more they convince themselves it's justifiable to do more, and since they are good people, then the person they do it against must be to blame for their manipulative or violent actions.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

To the people who think it's "lame" and attention seeking. It's NOT. So what if some of us have been here over a year talking about it? Where else can we express our feelings and be UNDERSTOOD. Suicide is hard. Some of us are in agony and want to die so bad but loved ones hold us back. Does it matter people vent but never "do it" ..... Also lots of people have mental disorders like bpd that can make there person do something impulsive. Have compassion...it's not "attention seeking" some people just need a space to vent.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

So what if some of us have been here over a year talking about it? Where else can we express our feelings and be UNDERSTOOD. Suicide is hard. Some of us are in agony and want to die so bad but loved ones hold us back. Does it matter people vent but never "do it" ..... Also lots of people have mental disorders like bpd that can make there person do something impulsive. Have compassion...it's not "attention seeking" some people just need a space to vent.

Agreed.

From the top of the Suicide Discussion forum:

"Share with the community any thoughts or feelings you may have, and ask those questions you can't ask anywhere else."

I'm certain there's no inline spoiler there that sets a time limit or posting limit, I checked.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I usually try to not give my opinion for things like this, because I'm not very eloquent and could end up sounding like an ass. But some of the responses...just made me kinda sad.

I guess overall my opinion varies depending on the situation. I think generally, what is seen as a suicidal gesture could be an actual attempt, albeit one possibly rushed and/or poorly thought out (for reasons such as desperation, fear, etc). I try to err on the side of caution and assume that the person who made a "suicidal gesture" genuinely wanted to die.

Now, if I know more about the person or their history I may view it a bit differently. It may still be an honest attempt to die. In the case of someone I knew, it could also be a way to manipulate. Someone in my family made a suicidal gesture that didn't do anything aside from put him in the ER - it didn't really harm him at all. This was a veteran who was very intelligent and could absolutely kill himself, with ease, if he wanted. Based on what I know about him and his personality, as well as the timing of the event, I feel a bit disgusted and sickened at his actions (based on his personal history with me and our family). But at the same time, I wasn't in his head - maybe he was actually trying to kill himself. Either way, he needed help of some sort.

I hope this kind of made sense and didn't sound insensitive. I don't like to paint people with the "horrible, selfish, manipulative" brush unless I, well, know better? And even then... Maybe I make too many excuses for people. :/

 

[BridgeJumper]

I dont want to manipulate others (maybe except few times when my birthgivers really drove me to the brink)
I wanted to be heard.
It didnt work.
I kept doing it for years, even though it didnt work,
I was treated like trash for it, punished for my emotions, so now I do it where nobody sees.
They think Im some psychopathic monster just because I have bpd. They think Im doing this to spite them, to make them suffer or some shit. This label ruined my life.
I will probably never manage to kill myself unless on accident, because Im a coward. but I will keep doing lame things like climbing railway bridges in the dead of night and bawling on them.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

They think Im doing this to spite them, to make them suffer or some shit.

This so resonates with my own experience, my whole life up until 18, and much of it after. It can be summed up in one event. I promise at the end of this, I'll bring the focus back to you.

When I was 14, a couple months after my boyfriend committed suicide, I wasn't getting a lot of support at home, my parents were clueless about empathy and support. My mom picked me up from school one afternoon. It was raining, which was rare where we lived. My mom asked me where my umbrella was, I said I'd forgotten it. She said, "Why do you keep doing this to your dad and I??"

Forgetting my umbrella, an act that only affected me, was an assault on her, and on the united front of my parents.

Something snapped inside.

I thought, "I'll never do anything to you again."

When we got home, I went straight to my room. I sat at my desk, and got out paper and a pen to write a suicide note. My mom called me into the living room, we talked it out. I don't remember the outcome, there was some kind of detente, I think I was somewhat soothed without her admitting fault, and I didn't write the note nor attempt.

It sounds to me like you've had your own crazy-making issues with your parents, having blame projected onto you. I was the perpetual scapegoat for all problems and misery, and it was always assumed that I had only nefarious and cruel intentions for all of my actions. Perhaps I'm wrong that you were scapegoated, too. If I'm right, sending understanding and support. I myself used to believe that if something tragic happened to me that didn't quite kill me, my parents would show up and care. Yet things did happen, not tragic but bad enough, and I was nursed back to health, but left mostly alone except for when being necessarily served, rarely amused or connected with. It was really lonely. I was lonely a lot growing up, not interacted with enough, not enjoyed just for me, resented for not liking the same housewifey, housekeepy things my mother did (this was the early 70s and she hated women's lib), and yet not allowed to go anywhere. If boredom and loneliness could kill, I would have died before I could talk, and after that, hundreds of times over.

Apologies if I made this response too much about me. Some things came pouring out after reading your comment. I'm sorry for your suffering, and the suffering in me that hasn't healed responded to yours. Sending compassion and empathy, with wishes for your well-being, equanimity, and empowerment, and if none of that is what you wish for yourself, then sending the caring intentions instead, if you want them, for you to apply wherever and however is best for you.

 

[BridgeJumper]

I cant really form a coherent reply, my unbearable health condition is killing me.
Its alright to vent, Im sorry your parents treated you like that.

Mine, Id like to think they loved me. But my constant acting out chipped away at whatever they felt for me, until they stopped caring anymore.
Im a nuisance.
Looking forward to terminating myself so Im never a burden to anyone.

 

[justpeachy]

I think it depends. Is said person doing it because they want help and nobody is listening and they need to desperately get someone's attention before it really is too late? In that case, I am much much more sympathetic towards the person. If they are doing it for flat out attention or to manipulate someone into staying in a relationship then they're ABUSIVE and I have 0 sympathy for them. They should seek help for their abusive behavior asap.

 

[goodbyebunny]

It's nice to see that a lot of people here are having compassion for people that perform suicidal gestures. We should understand that there are a myriad of reasons for why somebody may do something, and just because we can't comprehend the reason why, doesn't mean that person was doing it for bad or evil reasons.

It is also a very serious and extreme type of self harm.

I agree with Emily's assertion that it can be considered a type of self harm. Sadly, the effects of parasuicide can often leave the person with health issues that further debilitate them, even if they survive the attempt. I think people who take such drastic measures are often very vulnerable, and they understand the potential consequences. In light of that, they still go through with it, so there's clearly something going on that is pushing them, and they need help, not condemnation.

 

[madbananas]

Oh yes, the standard response of 'youre doing it because you want attention'.
Its things like this that make me cry myself to sleep with a bottle of vodka and go to the bridge at night instead of trying to get help.

While Im aware that some people legitimately make half hearted suicide attempts to manipulate others.
I admit that some of my attempts were purely for attention, like taking 15 xanax in a school toilet, shit like that.
But I wasnt doing it for laughs, I was doing it because the pain was unbearable and no one would listen, and I noticed that if I do something drastic I get temporary sympathy, so in my sick brain the only logic was to keep hurting myself.
I moved past that because I realized the attention was mostly negative, I realized I burnt out my family with my behaviour, and also that psychiatrists will always accuse me of seeking attention when I discuss being suicidal and they will only truly care once Im for real dead.

So nobody will see me jump this time. Not again.
Im done with signalling my needs to people when its like punching a stone wall.

Just yesterday I drank 96% alcohol and washed it down with seroquel, but nobody knows. Because attenshunz

this is not you being lame or attention seeking though. This is absolutely a symptom of a sick society. Hugs.

 

[Lucifer'sRight]

Parasuicide is basically an apparent suicide attempt where the end goal is not death. For example, taking an overdose that won't actually kill you on purpose.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you or anyone else you know tried this and what was your experience like?

Are you considering it or just wondering? If you're considering then it'd be much more helpful if you could just saymore about the situation

 

[deepseaburrito]

Are you considering it or just wondering? If you're considering then it'd be much more helpful if you could just saymore about the situation

I was previously considering it but decided it wouldn't be a good way to go since I figured there's a pretty big risk that things could go seriously wrong (method is more damaging than expected, people close to me get hurt and become distant, situation gets worse than it was before, etc.). Relate a lot to what people here are saying about parasuicide being a "cry for help," definitely think that was my motivation for considering this in the first place.
So at this point I'm just wondering what other people think. Have been lurking on this forum on and off for a year or two and noticed that this topic isn't brought up that much.