Thoughts on plan?

[stilhavinightmares]

I will be ready in a few weeks to ctb. I have 100g of SN. I plan on fasting, maybe taking a painkiller, and possibly orally disintegrating zofran. I plan on making 3 drinks just in case. My phone will not be available to me while I do it. I don't have a date yet as I have to find a time when I can get out of the house for long enough without being instantly questioned. Last detail to sort out: hotel or my car?

Hotel: I'm scared of other guests hearing me and interrupting. Would a motel be better in that case just because I could get away with more noise?

Car: I'm scared of being found as well. If I choose my car I am leaning towards a large parking lot of maybe a Walmart or something since I'm less likely to be discovered/questioned than if I were a random car parked somewhere more remote. But if I'm somewhere more remote there are less people. But being in my car somewhere remote kind of scares me and I should probably choose the least scary option so I'm as comfortable as possible to go through with it, right?

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't know. Lots of people around in parking lots. And unless you found a really secluded spot somewhere, where no one saw you go to, you would be suspicious in some remote place, even suspicious getting there. I've heard on SS that some people may make noise. Who knows? Everything here is anecdotal, though. I think there's some risk associated with any of the places you mention, unless you had a van, or something like that, or your own house. If you are uneasy about some remote place, I wouldn't think that would help you any, especially when so much more is on your mind at that moment.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I don't know. Lots of people around in parking lots. And unless you found a really secluded spot somewhere, where no one saw you go to, you would be suspicious in some remote place, even suspicious getting there. I've heard on SS that some people may make noise. Who knows? Everything here is anecdotal, though. I think there's some risk associated with any of the places you mention, unless you had a van, or something like that, or your own house. If you are uneasy about some remote place, I wouldn't think that would help you any, especially when so much more is on your mind at that moment.

I have my own house but my spouse and pets are here so that won't work. My spouse doesn't work regular shifts, only a handful of hours at a time, so I wanted to do it at night somewhere else. I didn't mention that part, it would be at night so parking lot wouldn't have any people (hopefully), and it ups the creepy/suspicious factor of going somewhere remote

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have my own house but my spouse and pets are here so that won't work. My spouse doesn't work regular shifts, only a handful of hours at a time, so I wanted to do it at night somewhere else. I didn't mention that part, it would be at night so parking lot wouldn't have any people (hopefully), and it ups the creepy/suspicious factor of going somewhere remote

I understand your situation. I'd just say that there are people around Walmart at all hours. Even employees like to venture outside when they can to catch a smoke break and gather up shopping carts. Cops have been known to just cruise through, also, especially over nighttime hours, just to check things out. I think in planning something like this it may be wise to scope things out firsthand a couple times, just so you can possibly spot any pitfalls to your plan.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I understand your situation. I'd just say that there are people around Walmart at all hours. Even employees like to venture outside when they can to catch a smoke break and gather up shopping carts. Cops have been known to just cruise through, also, especially over nighttime hours, just to check things out. I think in planning something like this it may be wise to scope things out firsthand a couple times, just so you can possibly spot any pitfalls to your plan.

Yeah true. Cops also go around the remote areas too. I have been scoping, just not at night. Ideally I could get a remote cabin Airbnb or something that's secluded and private but I feel bad thinking about the person finding me…even though a person will find me regardless of where I am

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Yeah true. Cops also go around the remote areas too. I have been scoping, just not at night. Ideally I could get a remote cabin Airbnb or something that's secluded and private but I feel bad thinking about the person finding me…even though a person will find me regardless of where I am

Yeah, there really aren't too many places anymore truly secluded. Cops pretty much know all the ones on their beats. You're right, someone will find you no matter what you do. The way I have to set my CTB up is, actually, by sending out a letter to my local police the day of my CTB, detailing to them what I did, so that in a couple/few days, after they get the letter, they will come and investigate and will actually find me. I don't have anyone to find me. I figure it's good if a cop finds me, as they're used to it and I pay taxes for them anyway. The only negative about the way I have to do it is that when I send that letter, I damn well better go through with my CTB. If I don't send out a letter, I'm sure it will be quite a while before anyone is dispatched to check on my welfare, which would only occur after my mail starts overflowing from my mailbox, or I start stinking a bunch and my neighbor, possibly, notices the smell coming from my garage, which is where I plan to CTB. Not a lot of good choices.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Yeah, there really aren't too many places anymore truly secluded. Cops pretty much know all the ones on their beats. You're right, someone will find you no matter what you do. The way I have to set my CTB up is, actually, by sending out a letter to my local police the day of my CTB, detailing to them what I did, so that in a couple/few days, after they get the letter, they will come and investigate and will actually find me. I don't have anyone to find me. I figure it's good if a cop finds me, as they're used to it and I pay taxes for them anyway. The only negative about the way I have to do it is that when I send that letter, I damn well better go through with my CTB. If I don't send out a letter, I'm sure it will be quite a while before anyone is dispatched to check on my welfare, which would only occur after my mail starts overflowing from my mailbox, or I start stinking a bunch and my neighbor, possibly, notices the smell coming from my garage, which is where I plan to CTB. Not a lot of good choices.

Shit. I definitely prefer a cop finding me as well, at least they're hardened somewhat already. That's tough though; my last attempt I sent out a timed email to my therapist to send cops to my house (I was living alone) and then I didn't die and it was really awful because I couldn't stop the email. I am envious of you having nobody to find you though. I know it's a horrible position to be in while alive, but at least it's a bit easier when planning to ctb.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Shit. I definitely prefer a cop finding me as well, at least they're hardened somewhat already. That's tough though; my last attempt I sent out a timed email to my therapist to send cops to my house (I was living alone) and then I didn't die and it was really awful because I couldn't stop the email. I am envious of you having nobody to find you though. I know it's a horrible position to be in while alive, but at least it's a bit easier when planning to ctb.

If you don't mind me asking, what came of the email to your therapist?

I guess having an easier time planning CTB is one of the very few perks in living alone, if you can call it a perk. It is what it is, I guess.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

If you don't mind me asking, what came of the email to your therapist?

I guess having an easier time planning CTB is one of the very few perks in living alone, if you can call it a perk. It is what it is, I guess.

So, I emailed her profusely after the email sent telling her I was safe etc and she called me when she got into the office and at that time she had already sent police for a wellness check and I told her/police ~almost~ everything (left out some medical details, I tried to kill myself with insulin), and she made me an appointment that morning and forced me to go then have plans to not be alone the rest of the day. All of this so she wouldn't send me to the hospital. She knows it doesn't help me. The police officer was there for the whole thing and let me be. Miraculous.

I think I went into an intensive outpatient program after that but I've been in it so many times that my memory is blurry.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

So, I emailed her profusely after the email sent telling her I was safe etc and she called me when she got into the office and at that time she had already sent police for a wellness check and I told her/police ~almost~ everything (left out some medical details, I tried to kill myself with insulin), and she made me an appointment that morning and forced me to go then have plans to not be alone the rest of the day. All of this so she wouldn't send me to the hospital. She knows it doesn't help me. The police officer was there for the whole thing and let me be. Miraculous.

I think I went into an intensive outpatient program after that but I've been in it so many times that my memory is blurry.

Wow. What an ordeal. I can't even imagine that. Hope I never have to go through it, nor you ever again. I guess the moral of the story for both of us, and others, is we better think about consequences for letting others know our plans, and if we let others know, hope we have all of our shit in order to make sure we do what we tell them we're going to do. Or, I guess, be prepared to deal with the consequences of letting others know if we can't go through with our plans. I'm going to have to make really sure I'm completely ready before sending off anything to let them know what I might have done.

 

[MideonNViscera]

I'm thinking Walmart parking lot myself actually. This is based on a few times recently where I was able to sit in my car all night, sometimes sleeping, without being bothered at all. That even included turning the car on sometimes for heat.

Naturally this would vary by location though. I was in a relatively small Canadian town.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I'm thinking Walmart parking lot myself actually. This is based on a few times recently where I was able to sit in my car all night, sometimes sleeping, without being bothered at all. That even included turning the car on sometimes for heat.

Naturally this would vary by location though. I was in a relatively small Canadian town.

Yeah! I think about how RVs, trucks, and vans are allowed to stay in Walmart lots overnight if needed and I'm sure nobody bothers them. Definitely in a smaller town though.

Wow. What an ordeal. I can't even imagine that. Hope I never have to go through it, nor you ever again. I guess the moral of the story for both of us, and others, is we better think about consequences for letting others know our plans, and if we let others know, hope we have all of our shit in order to make sure we do what we tell them we're going to do. Or, I guess, be prepared to deal with the consequences of letting others know if we can't go through with our plans. I'm going to have to make really sure I'm completely ready before sending off anything to let them know what I might have done.

Preach! Lessons were learned. Thanks for the empathy/well wishes. Same to you.

 

[time2fly]

I was planning on a high end hotel room, preferable on one of the higher floors. Was going to have one of my favorite movies playing on the TV and have a small speaker near the door playing music in case anyone tried to listen through. Also was gonna put a piece of tape over the peephole as hotels have little cameras that can see through them. Planning on leaving a note right at the entrance so once cleaning staff comes in they will know not to enter and to call the cops instead. Most hotels won't expect anything or interrupt unless its after checkout time.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I was planning on a high end hotel room, preferable on one of the higher floors. Was going to have one of my favorite movies playing on the TV and have a small speaker near the door playing music in case anyone tried to listen through. Also was gonna put a piece of tape over the peephole as hotels have little cameras that can see through them. Planning on leaving a note right at the entrance so once cleaning staff comes in they will know not to enter and to call the cops instead. Most hotels won't expect anything or interrupt unless its after checkout time.

Thanks so much for sharing; these are great ideas! I had thought of the note for staff too but not sure about the logistics of where to leave it.

 

[time2fly]

Thanks so much for sharing; these are great ideas! I had thought of the note for staff too but not sure about the logistics of where to leave it.

definitely do NOT put it on the outside of the door, but depending on the room i would but a big note in plain view right when you walk in saying something like "WARNING, I MIGHT BE DEAD IN HERE, DO NOT ENTER"

 

[stilhavinightmares]

definitely do NOT put it on the outside of the door, but depending on the room i would but a big note in plain view right when you walk in saying something like "WARNING, I MIGHT BE DEAD IN HERE, DO NOT ENTER"

I'm such a control freak and am trying to convince myself there is a way to certainly have them read the note before seeing me but I realize that can't be achieved and I can only try my best. Big bold note sounds good.

 

[time2fly]

I'm such a control freak and am trying to convince myself there is a way to certainly have them read the note before seeing me but I realize that can't be achieved and I can only try my best. Big bold note sounds good.

yeah i feel you on that, i have been worrying about who will find me just due to the fact that even in the face of everlasting BS and a terrible track record of having everyone and everything screw me over I still choose to be a good person and worry about what the impact will be on an unsuspecting person finding my body. I have thought about setting an email or text to auto send 12 - 24 hours after my attempt; but I just worry that I may fail and be sleeping when it is sent which would be bad news and probs end up with me going into one of those comfy padded cells. I think that a big bold note will work because they will know exactly what the situation is. However, at the end of the day, once you're gone, you're gone, not like you need to worry about these earthly things once the bus comes.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

yeah i feel you on that, i have been worrying about who will find me just due to the fact that even in the face of everlasting BS and a terrible track record of having everyone and everything screw me over I still choose to be a good person and worry about what the impact will be on an unsuspecting person finding my body. I have thought about setting an email or text to auto send 12 - 24 hours after my attempt; but I just worry that I may fail and be sleeping when it is sent which would be bad news and probs end up with me going into one of those comfy padded cells. I think that a big bold note will work because they will know exactly what the situation is. However, at the end of the day, once you're gone, you're gone, not like you need to worry about these earthly things once the bus comes.

I favor the note over the times email or text for sure. See above, the email didn't do me any good. You're right, I keep reminding myself I won't care when the bus comes and that helps me not care now.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Okay, I am almost finalized on my plan I think. Writing this to solidify in my head and welcome thoughts/opinions.

I have holidays and birthdays until January 7th. That's the last weekend I need to make it to. Every day is hell but to make it less painful for my loved ones I need to get there. By January 9th, the celebrations will be over and guests will all be gone. January 9th I will have my intensive outpatient program. I'll go to that. I'll sleep with my wife that night. When I wake up, I'll get ready for my program. I may or may not actually have program that day or I'll have stepped down, but I'll make my wife think I'm going there, and really I'll go to the hotel. I plan on putting a note by the door. I have a note for my wife/family I'll try to get printed or whatever, of course our printer is broken, but I have time for that. I plan on doing it right away. I will turn my phone off and put it somewhere inaccessible. My program is 4 hours long usually so I'll at least have that 4 hours to die without anyone looking for me. Hopefully that will be enough but if it isn't, I won't be found very quickly because I'm going somewhere random.

I just realized if I book the hotel for the night before + that night, won't cleaning staff be around during the day when I'm trying to die? I really can't do it at night because I am usually asleep next to my wife and don't have an excuse of somewhere to go.

I need to figure out if I can somehow check into a room in the morning. Thoughts welcome. Glad I wrote this out because I didn't think of that detail yet.

 

[Lifeless mindset]

Personally I'd choose a hotel over a car. Hotel offers more privacy and i prefer to be found a day or so after my passing. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

I will be ready in a few weeks to ctb. I have 100g of SN. I plan on fasting, maybe taking a painkiller, and possibly orally disintegrating zofran. I plan on making 3 drinks just in case. My phone will not be available to me while I do it. I don't have a date yet as I have to find a time when I can get out of the house for long enough without being instantly questioned. Last detail to sort out: hotel or my car?

Hotel: I'm scared of other guests hearing me and interrupting. Would a motel be better in that case just because I could get away with more noise?

Car: I'm scared of being found as well. If I choose my car I am leaning towards a large parking lot of maybe a Walmart or something since I'm less likely to be discovered/questioned than if I were a random car parked somewhere more remote. But if I'm somewhere more remote there are less people. But being in my car somewhere remote kind of scares me and I should probably choose the least scary option so I'm as comfortable as possible to go through with it, right?

If you don't have privacy at home, then hotel would be the next safest. Stay for two days and use your Do Not Disturb sign. If you see a maid, tell her that you have sleeping issues and do not want to be disturbed under any circumstances. Don't do it in your car. Wayyyy too many do-gooders and nosy people out there and you might get discovered, 'saved', and end up in circumstance that is much, much worse. Good luck.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Personally I'd choose a hotel over a car. Hotel offers more privacy and i prefer to be found a day or so after my passing. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Thank you

If you don't have privacy at home, then hotel would be the next safest. Stay for two days and use your Do Not Disturb sign. If you see a maid, tell her that you have sleeping issues and do not want to be disturbed under any circumstances. Don't do it in your car. Wayyyy too many do-gooders and nosy people out there and you might get discovered, 'saved', and end up in circumstance that is much, much worse. Good luck.

Thank you so much. Definitely utilizing the Do Not Disturb sign. I'll just have to hope for the best that I'm not too loud and nobody is around my room at the time. I'm thinking a hotel/motel that has direct access to outside may be better so it might be a bit louder versus a room in a regular hotel with hallways?