Still not sure if I'll back out and decide to keep pushing but this is my tentative plan:
If my SN arrives in time and doesn't get stuck in customs for super long, I plan to ctb after I get back from spring break, so some time in April. I think this will be a good time because no one else in my family has a birthday in April besides me so it won't turn anyone else's special month into my suicide anniversary month. Also, this is so lazy of me but if I stay I'll have to do my best to pass my classes for the semester and I'm already so behind, and I'll have to go through the process of moving out of my dorm (which I am guilty about leaving up to my family but I am just that lazy that I want to avoid doing it myself). I also won't have to live through the long, grueling summer when I often get super bored and easily depressed because I often have no plans. (These aren't the reasons I'm ctb-ing, I have those written out in a note, but this is just some context on why I think this will be an opportune time for me).
As for my plan the day of, I plan to ctb by taking 20g of SN in 50ml of water in my dorm at night after going a day without eating or drinking. I don't plan on taking any other drugs, and plan on simply trying to down another cup of SN if I vomit.
I do have a roommate but they frequently stay at their partner's place, so I'll try to sus it out and make sure they're not sleeping in the dorm that night. (As I'm thinking about this, I might book a hotel room for safety instead because I'm nervous about my roommate finding me out but I'll decide as I get closer).
I've kept a running suicide note in my notes app as I keep editing and adding to it, but once I feel good about it, I'll write it down on paper. I've heard that physical notes are taken for investigation so I'll also keep a digital version for my family to access, but as I lay down I'll place the note next to me. However, if I ctb in a hotel should I leave a second note with some identifying information about me? Or will the hotel already have that on file and be able to convey that to the police?
Additionally, I'm trying to figure out some ways of destroying digital footprint, such as my visits to this website (though I only do so in incognito mode), and transactions with DMC. But I do want to keep other things on my devices, such as my social media pages, my notes, my photos, etc so my family can look back on them if they so choose. So any resources or help on how to navigate that would be appreciated.
Alright, that's all the ramblings I have to share for now about my plan. Any suggestions, tips, etc would be appreciated!
If my SN arrives in time and doesn't get stuck in customs for super long, I plan to ctb after I get back from spring break, so some time in April. I think this will be a good time because no one else in my family has a birthday in April besides me so it won't turn anyone else's special month into my suicide anniversary month. Also, this is so lazy of me but if I stay I'll have to do my best to pass my classes for the semester and I'm already so behind, and I'll have to go through the process of moving out of my dorm (which I am guilty about leaving up to my family but I am just that lazy that I want to avoid doing it myself). I also won't have to live through the long, grueling summer when I often get super bored and easily depressed because I often have no plans. (These aren't the reasons I'm ctb-ing, I have those written out in a note, but this is just some context on why I think this will be an opportune time for me).
As for my plan the day of, I plan to ctb by taking 20g of SN in 50ml of water in my dorm at night after going a day without eating or drinking. I don't plan on taking any other drugs, and plan on simply trying to down another cup of SN if I vomit.
I do have a roommate but they frequently stay at their partner's place, so I'll try to sus it out and make sure they're not sleeping in the dorm that night. (As I'm thinking about this, I might book a hotel room for safety instead because I'm nervous about my roommate finding me out but I'll decide as I get closer).
I've kept a running suicide note in my notes app as I keep editing and adding to it, but once I feel good about it, I'll write it down on paper. I've heard that physical notes are taken for investigation so I'll also keep a digital version for my family to access, but as I lay down I'll place the note next to me. However, if I ctb in a hotel should I leave a second note with some identifying information about me? Or will the hotel already have that on file and be able to convey that to the police?
Additionally, I'm trying to figure out some ways of destroying digital footprint, such as my visits to this website (though I only do so in incognito mode), and transactions with DMC. But I do want to keep other things on my devices, such as my social media pages, my notes, my photos, etc so my family can look back on them if they so choose. So any resources or help on how to navigate that would be appreciated.
Alright, that's all the ramblings I have to share for now about my plan. Any suggestions, tips, etc would be appreciated!
