Thoughts of self sabotage

[caraphernelia]

I'm really struggling at the moment with thoughts of self sabotaging. My life seems to be going okay overall at the moment, I'm studying in a field I'm very passionate about, my relationships with my friends and family as a whole aren't too bad, and my mindset hasn't been overly negative the past few weeks. But whenever I begin to feel positive and happy with how things are going, thoughts of self sabotaging and ruining everything I have worked so hard for seem to take over my mind.
I just don't know what to do, I really don't want to give in to those thoughts and ruin everything.
Any advice is appreciated!

 

[goodoldnoname923]

What do you mean by self sabotaging if you dont mind me asking? Do you know when or why these thoughts occur and what do you think would stop you or cause you to act on these thoughts

 

[caraphernelia]

What do you mean by self sabotaging if you dont mind me asking? Do you know when or why these thoughts occur and what do you think would stop you or cause you to act on these thoughts

There's a few things I do to self sabotage, like self harming, and pushing people away to isolate myself. Normally these thoughts and urges come up when I have been in a good mindset for a while (I'm not very used to being in a good/positive mindset for a long period of time), I think it comes down to me feeling like I don't deserve to be happy and wanting to make myself worse. I'm not sure what would stop me from acting on these thoughts because I tend to give into them after a while since they get more intense over time until it's all I can think about, but I want to stop purposefully making myself get worse. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it well, if there's any parts you want me to clarify just let me know :)