Discussion those in a relationship: what do you plan on doing?

[willitpass]

i have a boyfriend, we've only been together about a month and a half but it seems to be going well. however i plan to ctb sometime in late december. i think i will break up with him once i have a confident plan and date so as to limit the pain and trauma he will go through. i will tell him that it was not at all his fault and that he did nothing wrong but that i simply do not mentally feel in a well enough place to be in a relationship. i will give him plenty of time to get over the break up (at least a month) in order to not make him feel that the break up was what lead me to make that decision.

what are your plans for a relationship? do you plan to break up before you ctb or will you stay with them to the end? does your so know about your intent to leave?

 

[Life_and_Death]

if i do ctb i dont plan on leaving him first. but thats because he knows everything so its not like any of it would be really shocking to him. however i am thinking about leaving for the sake of my disorders. i just dont seem cut out for relationships.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I will just do it whilst in the relationship. It's a complex situation anyway and I've no idea how my plan would impact him, but I'm sure in time he could move on.

if i do ctb i dont plan on leaving him first. but thats because he knows everything so its not like any of it would be really shocking to him. however i am thinking about leaving for the sake of my disorders. i just dont seem cut out for relationships.

Same here, relationships break me down and ruin me even more. I shouldn't get into them but I do, I want to be loved so badly.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Same here, relationships break me down and ruin me even more. I shouldn't get into them but I do, I want to be loved so badly.

it wouldnt be so bad if he was just my bf then id just leave. i had to complicate things and get married though. yay me??

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm really struggling with this one. Can I get some advice? Part of me wants to just leave/divorce him but the other part I'll just go ahead and do it while still together. I'm really torn my husband who married me (out of pity trying to help me) has done nothing but help me and is a kind, loving person who didn't deserve me to fuck up his life. it's my ex I want full blame and investigation on. Any advice here? Should I divorce first? Certainly with all the evidence I have against my abusive ex (also my mother backing it up in grief telling police the ex was extremely abusive and told me to kill myself...I have screenshots too) nothing should come back on my husband right? I want to protect him. I'm leaving him my little money and belongings to him. Any advice appreciated.

 

[Lilacmoon]

I cling to my girlfriend because I need the affection and because I'm scared. If I break up with her, there goes the last thing I have holding me here. I'll be backed into a corner and I'll have to catch the nearest bus.

But she deserves better than me and would be happier with someone else. I don't know what to do either, haha.

It's easier to be single.

 

[willitpass]

I'm really struggling with this one. Can I get some advice? Part of me wants to just leave/divorce him but the other part I'll just go ahead and do it while still together. I'm really torn my husband who married me (out of pity trying to help me) has done nothing but help me and is a kind, loving person who didn't deserve me to fuck up his life.

this is coming from someone who is in their first ever relationship, however my thought process is that if i ctb while in a relationship, my boyfriend will have extreme trauma. he will honestly probably have trouble ever finding love again for fear that they will kill them selves and will most likely blame himself. and think he should have been able to stop me. so i will be breaking up with him in plenty of advance to help ease as much trauma on him as possible. however this is a new relationship and we are far from married so of course this situation is different

 

[Ghost2211]

It seems like it would be worse for your partners if you left them then ctb if they were to find out you did ctb. It just seems to me that leaves more room for self blame... like maybe you ctb because it ended. It seems better to ctb while still in the relationship so they don't suffer breakup and your death as separate events.

 

[Lilacmoon]

It seems like it would be worse for your partners if you left them then ctb if they were to find out you did ctb. It just seems to me that leaves more room for self blame... like maybe you ctb because it ended. It seems better to ctb while still in the relationship so they don't suffer breakup and your death as separate events.

You really think so? Is that the best way so I can minimize how much I hurt her?

 

[Ghost2211]

You really think so? Is that the best way so I can minimize how much I hurt her?

Depends on her. Thats how I would take it.

 

[willitpass]

It seems like it would be worse for your partners if you left them then ctb if they were to find out you did ctb. It just seems to me that leaves more room for self blame... like maybe you ctb because it ended. It seems better to ctb while still in the relationship so they don't suffer breakup and your death as separate events.

that's why i plan to break up at the very least a month in advance, so they do not correlate my death to the breakup

 

[Ghost2211]

that's why i plan to break up at the very least a month in advance, so they do not correlate my death to the breakup

If they are love invested in you they still might. if you do zero contact after that it's irrelevant since they wouldn't know.

 

[Lostandlooking]

I would not get into a new relationship should my current one end. Too much going on with me and it complicates things when it comes to ctb. My current partner is aware of my suicidal thoughts and helps me get through difficult times. But I don't think he truly knows how bad it is. It's tough. In the end maybe it's inevitable we're going to hurt the ones we love when we ctb. Just make sure to let them know how much they were appreciated and loved. And that they are not to blame.


edit:
I don't want to end my current relationship because I'm thinking of ctb. But I think a lot depends on the circumstances. I'm not married, it's long distance. And I'm not absolutely sure about ctb.

 

[Symbiote]

My marriage is up and down, mostly down, but I figure if she can hate me enough that she would be happy if I died, then that would be best. She would definitely hate me if I cheated on her. So to have police find me in a hotel room dead with another female suicider would be best since then she would be glad I was dead. Her words, "If you cheat on me, I will fucking end you, you better run far away if you cheat, cause I will personally put a hit on you"

 

[Disappointered]

My partner is totally aware of my suicidal thoughts and has even considered it herself. I don't think breaking up first would make any difference. Best to just try to be as honest and upfront as possible. What else can you do really. It's not them and all you can do is tell them so. However, if I were in a new relationship that wasn't very serious then maybe breaking up on friendly terms first might be better. Depends on the relationship I guess. It might not be easy to break up on friendly terms but if it is that might be ideal.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I'm married but we have a non conventional marriage. Don't get me wrong we love each other. But she will be fine without me. She knows I've been struggling. Since my ptsd started kicking my ass. I doubt she will be that surprised.

 

[lost guy]

If she would let me back in her life, I wouldn't want to ctb.